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Newest Member: aheartbrokenwife (61814)

User Topic: Now he's trying to shift the blame
♀ 40474
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 1:50 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a vent--

Yes, now it's all my fault that I found out his A was really over 7 YEARS long, and not just 8 months. Yup, found that out when he came clean about 24 hours ago--apparently very nervous about going in front of our pastor.

Oh, the blame is all on me tonight. Guess his first individual counseling session this afternoon didn't make any new brain cells connection.

Now it's MY fault that I "had to" go back and check the cell phone records this past Tues & Wed, when all he asked me to do was see why our minutes were over the limit for this month.

I *had to* keep asking him questions. I *had to* keep DIGGING. He was fine with me just thinking it was an 8 month long peccadillo...but nooooooo, I had to find out more.

Yeah, at least SEVEN YEARS long. And it wasn't just a hand job or blow job in a vehicle, it was full on sex in her bed, along with cunnilingus.

Sorry, WS, I refuse to accept blame for YOUR actions and for the lies you told and for your being caught yet again in multiple lies.

I'm going to call you on your shit, and mention that you're trying to make me defensive so as to pass the blame of the affair on to me because of my digging for more info.

You have to own your shit or you'll wallow in it.

How clueless can you be? Apparently, REALLY clueless if you are pretending so you can get away with it!

[This message edited by Hope2B at 1:50 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)]

DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth/DDays: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)

Posts: 620 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: U.S.A.
♀ 37154
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 4:35 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, Hope2B. I'm so sorry for all you are dealing with. Trickle truth is the absolute worst! Sure, he would much rather you didn't know all the nasty details; I'm sure you would rather not know them too (would rather they not be true!).

Of course even he knows his current argument is completely bogus.

Stay strong. You sound like you are doing well but I'm sure the pain is incredible.

Dday -9/23/2012

Posts: 2313 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
♀ 35004
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 6:00 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a member of the "7 Year Club" which I had to uncover on my own. My FWH, who can rattle off baseball/football stats for the last 100 years can't "remember" very much about his cheating.

It's all part of protecting their ass. They're well practiced in lying. It becomes second nature to them and they convince themselves that they can still get away with some BS story. They never, ever understand that no matter how painful, the truth is what we need.

I am sorry that you're dealing with this.

BS - 65
WH - 63
Married 37 years

D-Day 2/12/12
D-Day 6/1/16 Caught him back online early enough that no physical contact took place but still devastating. This sucks.

Posts: 1245 | Registered: Mar 2012
♀ 25376
Member # 25376
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, you had to do all those things because he *had to* go to her place, he *had to* take his pants off, he *had to* get into bed with her, he *had to* have sex with her, and he *had to* lie to you about it all.

You can apologize over and over, but if your actions don't change, your words become meaningless.

Behind every crazy bitch is a sweet girl who just got tired of being lied to.

I've found the key to happiness: Stay away from assholes.

Posts: 1210 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: California Central Coast
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is clearly delusional.
Good for you for recognizing what it is, and calling it for what the BS it is.

Sorry you are having to deal with it.

((((and strength))))

Him: FWS
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

Posts: 13417 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ 29514
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think blame-shifting is in the Cheater's 101 Handbook, probably the first paragraph. You did NOTHING wrong by checking. The truth is an important and powerful thing. Lies are powerfully destructive.

Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3756 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
Member # 39162
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this shit. TT is really the worst, I told my WH so many times that the truth needed to come out straight away,all of it,before I could begin to move on. Luckily I got my brain in gear during early sleepless nights and worked out from a mention of a time in Ireland that it had gone on for years before he initially admitted to. And he omitted to tell me about the chat lines too, saying they were minor compared to the affair itself. Well they were, but I pointed out that was for me to decide how important I felt they were in the overall scheme of things,not him. I think I now have pretty much the whole sorry saga out in the open, but it took a while and lots of persistent questioning from me.
I hope you do have the truth out now,just be aware that just because he was tested for STDs in 2007 doesn't mean it wasn't going on before then.
It's only once you are confidant he has told you all there is to know that you can begin to heal. We're 17 months out from d-day and R is going really well, you can get through this.

Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
15 years on/off LTA
R - but lots of bumps in the long road

Posts: 310 | Registered: May 2013 | From: uk
Topic Posts: 7

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