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Shockeddevasted posted 9/17/2013 06:18 AM

Hey, to say I am shocked and devasted is certainly an understatement and have never used a forum before but here goes.
I have been with my wife for 12 years, married for 5. After getting married we soon started to try for a family to find it just wouldn't happen. It turns out that we would need IVF which we have and experienced 3 failed cycles.
A tough emotional experience particularly for my wife but we got through it together.
The past 12 months things have been slowly getting more distant at home. We heave spoken a few times about making more of an effort etc but as sometimes happen the jobs and other things have taken priority.
Last week my wife told me that she had been seeing a guy from her work and that she was leaving to go and stay with her parents. Devastation hit me like a Train and couldn't make sense of the situation. During the weekend she has told me that she is pregnant with this guys baby! I didn't think things could ever be this bad but herei a world of confusion and pain! Within a short time I feel as though I could stand by my wife and accept the situation (somehow) and don't expect anyone to understand. Our fertility situation has played a part in this and the girl I married has never lied or cheated until now! Sounds like I am naive I know but I am not! My wife is at her parents now while the dust settles and don't know where this is going to pan out! Guess time will tell! What a difference a week can make to your life!

Raven96 posted 9/17/2013 06:40 AM

Hi, Shockeddevastated.

I am so sorry you are here, and I am so sorry that you have been hit by this train. It sucks.

That being said, now you need to concentrate on YOU! I am new here, so I don't have great advice to give you like most others here, but I can tell you that the articles in the Healing Library (yellow box on the left) are very helpful, and you need to utilize the 180.

If she has gone to her parents, use this alone time to read and learn. There are lots of things you shouldn't do right now as far as she is concerned, and you really need to make sure you eat, drink water, and sleep. Take a couple of days off of work if you need to.

I am so sorry. Sending good thoughts and hugs your way!

jjct posted 9/17/2013 07:03 AM

Seek legal advice.

Knowledge is power.
When you begin to get a clearer idea of what your life will be like raising an OC, you'll be able to make an informed decision.

FTR, the bright side is that you know straight up what you're dealing with, and don't have to suffer through years of lies, denial, TT, blameshifting, and abuse.

Still, shocking as hell - I'm sorry.
Be strong for yourself.
Keep posting, we got your back.

toomanyregrets posted 9/17/2013 09:03 AM

You need to see a lawyer as soon as possible.
If your still married when the baby is born, you will probably be responsible for it, if your WW does decide to keep it.

newlysingle posted 9/17/2013 09:44 AM

I'm so sorry. What a double punch to the gut. I agree with the others to seek legal advice. It will help you make a decision.

tushnurse posted 9/17/2013 10:15 AM

Welcome, and sorry you are here.
That is quite a blow for sure. Is it in any way possible this "baby" is yours? Is is also possible that she really is not pregnant?

Just having seen all the crazy stuff WS's do to "get out" or "get away" with what they have done, I wonder how true this is.

In addition know that this is not your fault. This isn't because you couldn't be ther perfect spouse, or because of your looks, or even because she couldn't have a baby with you. This is because she is broken, and needs to figure out why, and fix that.

Do see a lawyer/solicitor ASAP. Do Call your Dr and make an appt for STD testing, and talk about medication for helping you through this, even if it's just something that will help you sleep.

Take care of you. Be easy on yourself. Keep coming here, we will support you. If you have a good friend or close family member let them help you through this.

Your world has been rocked at it's core, and you are gonna need some support to find your feet again.

Raven96 posted 9/17/2013 11:03 AM

You know what? Twomanyregrets is right...if you're still married when this child is born you could be financially responsible for him/her, and if the person who is allegedly the father makes less than you do, your WW may want you on the hook for $$.

Get to a lawyer and figure out how to protect yourself in case this child isn't yours. The last thing I think you want to do is have a good chunk of your paycheck going out the window for 18-19 years.

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