I'm trying very hard to take everyone's good advice and have been nc for days. I know that doesn't seem like much but my instinct is to continue asking questions to him over and over to try to understand this insanity. I know the answers will just hurt. I know I will never understand how someone could decide that "I don't feel that special way about you" ever, after dating for 7 yrs prior to marriage, and putting them through multiple Ddays w the same OW, acting like they finally feel differently. How is someone so unaware of themselves and life after 7 years (while all the while saying to anyone that asked that it's best to take time to be sure of these things)? He was even in his 30s by then, not like he married me at age 18 or something. He's also said though that maybe if I had moved in w him like he asked after he said he wanted R initially things would be different, he'd feel differently. So which is it? I cannot help that, I really wasn't ready.
Ugh. This is why you're all right about nc, I know. The mental nc is so difficult at night, as evidenced by my rant above, I'm sure that's common.
Anyway, into the dream.
I'm in my childhood bedroom w my dad, talking at my childhood desk. We're looking out the window at the front of the house when suddenly a old beat up black truck backs in the driveway and starts smashing all 5 of the cars, smashes each one of my family, even my sibling that normally lives many hours away. Then he moves into drive and drives into a tree, and the front porch of the house. Then they drove off.
We're not able to do anything but scream. I don't know why, it's just cars but I felt such terror and such violation. Then I woke up, at 230 am, and have been up since.
I don't quite understand the cars except they're so needed in life to drive and stay connected to people where I live, and we're coming up on the time of yr where my childhood best friend died, and my best friend died in a car accident last yr (one died on x date, the other the following day)
My yrly review is coming up at work in two weeks as well and I'm hoping for something more and really think I'm close to getting it, based on feedback at mid yr, as I've been working extra super hard to prove I'm ready to move up, to learn and take on more challenges. I really need the money, and it feels good to have one area in my life that is still mine and is not upside down bc of his choice. I'm still just me there, I like that. Just anxious to see what happens.
Thoughts on the dream? More IC needed?