"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

ninebark posted 9/17/2013 06:52 AM

Prepare for a bit of a pity party. I am having a rough week.

Tonight is ciriculum night (7-9) and at the same time is basketball evaluations (7:30-9). I can't do both, but I have to do both. It is his first year of high school, I want to be there to meet his teachers and see what the game plan is. But his asthma is a bit wonky due to a bad cold so I need to be at the evaluations in case of emergency.

For the first time in two years I just want to sit down and cry. I feel like I am so alone today and while it is a small issue it feels huge. I see all my friends with their husbands going to basktball while they do the school meeting and it so easy. Why do even the simpliest things become difficult.

What really cheeses me off is that my sister keeps saying I am not really a single parent because I have an ex who pays his child support. Except he is only home one week a month, and he only sees DS for a few days out of that week.

I am truly and 100% alone raising this child. Yes I get CS, but I don't get parental support. It makes me angry and sad.

I am just so sad today
and feeling like a bit of a failure.

dindy posted 9/17/2013 06:59 AM

(((((ninebark))))

It sounds like you are doing an amazing job.

Can you get a friend to go to the curriculum night for you if you explain that you can't make both?

ninebark posted 9/17/2013 07:09 AM

I am at odds. I really need to be at circulum night but dont' want him alone at basketball. I know a bunch of the parents going to basketball but they have pulled away quite a bit since my ex and I split so I am not as comfortable asking them to take him to basketball. But I may have to suck it up and ask.

I hope none of the guys come in to the office right now because I am sitting at my desk crying like an idiot. something I never do. I guess I got overwhelmed today.

MovingUpward posted 9/17/2013 07:38 AM

(((ninebark)))

Reach out to your friends. Many people pull away thinking that you want space or they don't know what to say.

As for your sister's comment, she's wrong. You are a single parent. You are the one the has to do it all. Deep breaths right now.

Mapleleaf4ever posted 9/17/2013 08:02 AM

((((ninebark))))

Reach out to your friends, I would bet that they would be more than happy to help you out.

Griefstricken25 posted 9/17/2013 08:06 AM

Your sister has no idea. I have one like that, too. Some people will truly never get it. Can you contact his teachers and find another time/ way to get the curriculum info? Most teachers would be pretty accommodating.

(((Hugs))) I feel your pain. I'm forever trying to split myself 3 ways and its only getting harder as the kids get older.

FaithFool posted 9/17/2013 08:27 AM

You know Big Brothers has mentoring programs, perhaps you could look into that for the next couple of years.

7yrsflushed posted 9/17/2013 08:31 AM

Can you contact his teachers and find another time/ way to get the curriculum info? Most teachers would be pretty accommodating.

^^^This. Most teachers are very acocomodating, especially to parents that actually show an interest in their childrens education. I am sure he/she would be willing to meet with you at another time to go over things.

ninebark posted 9/17/2013 08:59 AM

Well at least it is only an introduction tonight and not an actual meeting about DS. Worse comes to worse I can get a friend to bring me back notes.

So far no luck with the friends, all the other kids are currently in another time slot.

I am less depressed, probably because I have just topped up on caffine and I am just starting to be amused by the craziness of my life.

THe good news is I have a BF who is very involved in DS' life, but he is at school all day and working tonight, so he is out of hte picutre, otherwise he would help out

ninebark posted 9/17/2013 09:42 AM

Speaking of BF, he just messaged me while on his break adn said he would see if his father will take DS to basketball. THere is hope yet. lol

She11ybeanz posted 9/17/2013 09:47 AM

(((ninebark)))

You are most definitely NOT alone sweetie! My daughter's sperm donor doesn't see her AT ALL! The last time he saw her...she was 4 months old.... she turns 14 months old on October 3rd! I DO get child support through social services but since he is unemployed its only $65 a month. That barely helps with diapers...much less food, clothes, etc!!! I feel alone all the time....but we are making it. Its not easy and I get jealous of my married friends all the time. I would kill to have someone who could watch my daughter when I'm sick so I could rest..... or someone to watch her so I can clean.....or HELL...just take a shower.. or just so I can do ANYTHING basically without her! But, it is what it is. I have my sister and my friend who watch her so I can work full-time to support us, run, and occasionally get to do a couple of other things. This Saturday will be the 1st time I will be overnight without her... and she is 13 and a half months old! I'm excited.... but it would be nice to have more opportunities like that.

Just keep faith that it will get better.....that's all we have.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:49 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)]

mixedintherut posted 9/17/2013 10:10 AM

How dare your sister try to say you are not truly a single parent! You are single parent in every since of the word!

Maybe you are one of the lucky ones who has an ex that actually pays his child support. Because, you know it's something he owes your child! That by no means makes you any less of a single parent.

Your sister apparently has no clue!

Nature_Girl posted 9/17/2013 10:13 AM

I want to thump your sister in the forehead.

whyohwhyohwhy posted 9/17/2013 10:37 AM

I totally know how you feel.

If there are school things for both of my kids on the same night, I always end up racing around.

I also suggest talking to his teachers. Most of the time, they will make every effort to meet with you at another time. (I work in schools, and have done this myself.)

BrokenPieces posted 9/17/2013 10:45 AM

I'm with Nature Girl.. I want to thump your sister. My ex paid child support, but I raised a 3 year old and a newborn ALL BY MYSELF. He didn't even really see them. You are a single mom, without a doubt.
I remember so vividly when my youngest had just turned 3 and suffered a horrible injury at home and I had to figure out how to do everything with her and my then 5 year old. It was a mess and I relied on friends to get me through.
(((HUGE HUGS))) sweetie. You are doing an amazing job.

ninebark posted 9/17/2013 11:07 AM

Yeah I love my sister, but sometimes she has opinions on things she knows nothing about.

I do have financial support and I am lucky in that he always pays for extras as well. But he is not here, he does not do anything day to day. He sees him a few days a month at best and even then only for a couple of hours at a time. I am on my own here.

Just last week when EXH was home he took DS to a basketball camp and came home and told me that DS needs to take his inhaler next time. DS has not used an inhaler for years because he has cough variant athsma and inhalers only make it worse. That tells you how much he knows about his own child.

Ugh. I am blessed to be able to be there pretty much every day of my son's life. And yes I would love a day off, and yes somedays can be very very overwhelming. I am glad I have people who understand to turn to to talk about it.

wildbananas posted 9/17/2013 12:08 PM

You aren't whining in the least, ninebark (BTW, I love your username and it always makes me smile ). I'm another single mama, 24/7. It's hard!

You aren't a failure. You're a success! You're making this work. Sure, there are bumps in the road, good days and bad - there always are - but you're making it happen. And that is freaking amazing.

npain posted 9/18/2013 11:46 AM

I've had other people say that crap to me too "I'm not a single parent because we are not divorced yet". Huh? He sees his kids 4 days a month--who do you think is raising them the other 26?

And how much of a parent can you be with that little amount of input? You are definitely a single parent. And yes, it's a juggle, but you are doing a great job!