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Newest Member: 69lake (61503)

User Topic: Is running away a partial solution?
♀ 40571
Member # 40571
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel overwhelmed by everything - only 2 weeks have passed and it is sooo hard. H is away on work business and I am thinking, a lot, about what happens next. I don't know....I feel like I could do with a few days completely away from everything, even my little boy. I am not sure what it will achieve but I feel I can't function. I saw an IC and she told me to take no big decisions - speaking to her helped a lot but all I keep thinking is that I need to decide whether I take him back or not and I just don't too sad and angry and I am tired of having to pretend to people who don't know that it is business as usual. We ran into mutual friends when out at park with toddler and they were inviting us for tea. I know I came across as strange and stand-offish - I just needed away from anyone I needed to "pretend" in front of. I am awake every night for hours on end and still am not very hungry. I feel like running away as I just can't cope and don't have close family here and only one very good friend nearby (who has been a rock)...

Posts: 265 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ 26465
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why can't you go home or visit a friend soon?
Running away is never a solution.

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3225 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
♀ 22386
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, running is never a solution, but if there is someone who is trustworthy to take care of your toddler for a bit, it might be a good idea for you to have some down time to process this a bit...even if you take a couple of hours for yourself to help you feel better, even just for a brief period of time.

BTW, sent you a PM regarding one of your other posts.

(((MJane))) Take all the time you need to think this through.

Posts: 9786 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
♀ 40571
Member # 40571
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for PM AnnB - I don't have living parents and did think of heading to my brother, who knows, but he is so angry at moment and am not sure I'll get space to think. I am feeling so down and not able to cope with work - I really have no plan but at the moment I just think daily about heading somewhere, anywhere and having time to cry, think, maybe sleep...I didn't throw my H out of the home which means I have been seeing him a lot and interaction makes everything so confusing. I also don't want to be a crying wreck every time I see him.

Posts: 265 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's fine to take a little time for yourself. If you have someone to care for your son, go ahead and take a breather.

I would also recommend having a consultation with a divorce attorney. You don't need to do anything, but being armed with the information you'll need if you do choose to leave can help you feel empowered right now. I know that having a sense of control back really helped me.

Hugs to you and your boy. The early days are soooo hard. I promise you that you will get through this and come out a stronger person in the end.

BW - Me (40)
XWH -The Gnat
"Engaged" to OW, but the wedding appears to be indefinitely postponed.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (8), 1 DS (3)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 1268 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: AZ
♀ 38803
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went to a hotel one night. I needed to sleep, veg out, and just think. I got a facial. I absolutely think you should do this. Do you have someone to watch your son? When your WH comes home, having him do this for one or two nights would be a nice way to show you he is working on the M.

I'm 7 months out, and if I say "I need a night" my WH gives it to me. Sometimes being alone can really help.

Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14, broke again 1/23/15
180ing, in a state of WTFness

Posts: 304 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Running away no. Taking a break, stepping back to gain perspective absolutely.

Shortly after Dday I remember fantasizing about going to a hotel, and sleeping in a perfect bed, without snoring, or anyone to sleep with. Fortunately my kids were old enough I could leave them home alone for short periods of time. I would almost daily go for a walk in the woods. It helped me to burn off the anxious energy, and gave me time to think without distractions, or even better gave me an escape. I would put my headphones on, crank the DMB on my Ipod, and not think about any of what was going on the whole time I walked, I would focus on the music, and the beauty of the woods surrounding me.

Please take time, be kind to you. Use work as a way to turn it off. Think of it as an escape from the constant worry you are experiencing.

Plan some time each week for just YOU. No kiddo, no spouse, just you. You deserve this.

Please don't feel rushed to make a decision on how to proceed. Get your STD test, see a lawyer, watch his behavior and go from there.

((((and strength)))

Him: FWS
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

Posts: 13283 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 7

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