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He's shocked that I want a divorce!

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MissMarple posted 9/17/2013 08:12 AM

I've been trying to get my ducks in a row, so I hadn't told him that I've decided to divorce him, but I've been honest about the fact that I was strongly considering it. He either wasn't listening, or didn't believe I'd actually do it. He cornered me with questioning last night, (he was watching our son last night, he's been out of the house since June) and I couldn't lead him on thinking that there was any chance of R left. I didn't tell him that I already have a lawyer, and that we're getting the paperwork ready to file, and will serve him soon.

He is delusional. He asked me why I would divorce him. He seemed genuinely shocked. I had to spell it out to him that the multiple affairs and lying had completely destroyed my trust. He told me that he is going to fight for me (now?! You couldn't fight for me the 7 years we were married!) and that he won't sign anything until a judge forces him to. And he said that even after we are divorced that he still is going to try and get me back.

UGH! Any advice from those that have dealt with crazy STBX's?

Bobbi_sue posted 9/17/2013 08:18 AM

It just baffles me how, when they say half of all marriages end in D, someone who cheated and has been "out of the house since June" is shocked when his wife files for a D. I am more shocked that some DON'T file under these circumstances!

lost4now posted 9/17/2013 08:37 AM

I bet he is in shock. They never think you will actually stand up for yourself. Forgive and forget....right??!

Listen, my STBXH lied and cheated with the same OW for 5 years!!!! I finally found the courage to end it and he couldn't believe that I would do it either. He vowed to win me back even if we were divorced. He moved out on January 6. Within TWO WEEKS.....he was taking the OW out for lunch!!!! Really? This is how he was going to win me back??!

Action! Not words. Words are easy to say. Action takes a lot of work. My STBXH didn't have it in him for that!

My advice, don't believe a word of his crazy talk. Wait and watch his actions!

Nature_Girl posted 9/17/2013 09:14 AM

Mine was stunned. Couldn't believe it. At one point during the custody evaluation he was asked what he thought would happen due to all the things he'd been up to. He said he never gave it any thought. So he was asked if he thought I'd never have a reaction to any of the things he did. He said no, he didn't think I'd react.

Nice to know they think we're such idiots, right?

self-rescuer posted 9/17/2013 12:01 PM

It wasn’t until my attorney called the OW and told her she would be subpoenaed (at her office by deputies) that ex finally agreed to the divorce. He kicked and screamed the entire time. Always saying that we were meant to be married forever. Hell, he told a bunch of golfing buddies after the divorce he was going to win me back.

It is all laughable because not one single time did he do anything to rebuild my trust – nothing to fix the destruction he brought to our family.

I think their response is typical! Cause really – who wouldn’t want to be married to us !?!?! We SI folk rock!

surviving1963 posted 9/17/2013 17:13 PM

I had the same experience. After my WH porn addiction, finding his profile on AshleyMadison, then discovering EA- probably PA and years of financial infidelity....I filed for divorce. He was shocked! He said "Apparently that is what you want." I didn't stay in a marriage for 32 years and have 7 children with a man just to be able to divorce him. I didn't leave him - he left me! I don't know if a WS ever gets it.

Oh wait, he was "just being a guy", it was "just a joke", they are "just friends". I've heard it all and have been expected to brush it under the carpet while he eats cake. No more - so done!

Merlin posted 9/17/2013 20:46 PM

My ex accused me of 'throwing her out' after the would not stop her affair.

She wanted it all at the same time.

MissMarple posted 9/17/2013 21:06 PM

WH "Why can't you forgive me?!"

Me "I can forgive you. But that doesn't mean I have to stay married to you."

Y'all are right. Us SIers are wonderful people, and they don't want to let go. Too bad, so sad.

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