"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Alyssamd24 posted 9/17/2013 09:46 AM

So I googled "being the OW" yesterday because I was looking for other websites or articles about infidelity, and was looking to see if there are any other support websites out there.

I did find support websites, but not the type I was looking for. I found a blog called "Being the other woman" and thought it was a legit support site. It's actually a blog from a woman who has been in a relationship with a MM for years.

Along with this site, I also found a few more that appear to be helpful at first, until you stop and read and discover what they are really saying.

I don't know why this shocks me so much, but I am surprised that there are so many websites that seem to be supportive of affairs.

I don't really have a point with this post, other than to vent I guess!!! It's disappointing that other than SI there doesn't seem to be many websites that offer support for WS.

Alyssamd24 posted 9/17/2013 09:47 AM

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[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:50 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)]

Alyssamd24 posted 9/17/2013 10:01 AM

SI staff,

I apologize for my mistake. I have read the guidelines but wasn't thinking....I really did have good intentions. But I won't do it again!

Aubrie posted 9/17/2013 10:01 AM

Yeah, I've seen OW sites. Klassy eh?

It's disappointing that other than SI there doesn't seem to be many websites that offer support for WS.

Why do you think I stay here? Because SI is the bomb.com.

I've seen a couple other sites for infidelity support. They absolutely shred WS. The lashings they get is pretty intense.

I "get" calling a WS on their crap. But to have a couple hundred BSs have a go at them without any moderation? Scaaaares me!

Some people may call me chicken, but I'm grateful that SI has a moderated, protected forum for us to work thru crap. Ranting, telling me I'm a whore and that I don't deserve my husband isn't going to fix the issue. I already knew that.

Having other WS and a few generous BSs that ask insightful, deep questions? Bigger chance of success at getting to the root of the issues.

Rock on SI.

uncertainone posted 9/17/2013 10:04 AM

I don't know why this shocks me so much, but I am surprised that there are so many websites that seem to be supportive of affairs.

Seriously? You can find everything on the Internet. I was helping someone find info on pain pill addictions and found sites with users sharing tips on how to get a better high.

Alyssa, when you say you're searching for support on being the OW, what are you looking for?

I may be wrong but I'm picking up you're looking for help getting over him and maybe even insight on what he's thinking.

You won't find that online. You need to look inward. It's a process and you being NC with him is the key. No wondering. No energy. What we feed grows. Feed health, not weeds.

Deeply Scared posted 9/17/2013 10:06 AM

Alyssamd24...

Its ok..no harm done

The WS Forum is unique to infidelity support sites, some have copied our format with little or no success.

It took us (Moderators) years to define and fine-tune this forum and the BS's that participate in here really are a huge help to the WS's that are wading through their feelings.

Because SI is the bomb.com

Aubrie...that's so sweet!!!

Alyssamd24 posted 9/17/2013 10:23 AM

Aubrie,
I completely agree that SI rocks....I don't know where I would be without it, it has helped me so much.

UO,
I guess I shouldn't be that shocked...now I am remembering a project I did in college on pro Ana websites.....it is amazing what you can find on the internet.

I actually am not looking for help getting over him. I was looking more for articles or studies on the OW, and any other info I can find on it.

Up until now I have identified myself as the WW, and have focused on that. Because of all that has happened recently I am now trying to deal with my identity as the OW. I think that is something I also need to deal with and work on so I can move past this. I hope that makes sense.

Clarrissa posted 9/17/2013 15:47 PM

To me, a remorseful OW/OM is the same as a WS. I suspect we have many of the same issues in common: lack of self esteem, the need for external validation, etc. The key (IMO) is finding out why you sought the ego strokes and validation from a MM. What did you feel you were getting out of the relationship and why did you think it was worth being "the dirty little secret", the booty call, what have you?

Like any WS, you need to face your issues head on, own them and find healthier ways of dealing with them.

Ask for help from the BS here. They're a treasure trove of advice for the remorseful WS (or OW). If you truly are remorseful you won't need to worry about bashing or flaming. A few 2X4s perhaps but those are given to help, not hurt.

Everyone is here to be helped or to help. You'll get the help you need.