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damncutekitty posted 9/17/2013 14:33 PM

I am turning 35 next week and while I normally party it up for my birthday, I am kinda having a huge pity party instead.

I am usually the first person to tell anyone else to NEVER EVER compare yourself to others, that it's a trap and just makes you feel bad about yourself. But I am having a hard time taking my own advice.

I keep looking around at friends and family members with great careers and nice houses and thinking how did I get to be 35 years old, still renting, still living paycheck to paycheck?

On top of that people keep asking when SO and I are getting engaged. We have not even discussed it, and honestly I had been fine with that. This spring when we moved in together I was fine with just that. But it's starting to bug me now. I keep trying to laugh off the question but part of me is wondering what's wrong with me that isn't asking? I hate that I even thought that!!! But I know it's all part of this feeling like I am getting old and worrying about the future thing.

Ugh... this sucks.

krazy8516 posted 9/17/2013 15:02 PM

DCK -

I am turning 31 in December. You and I are still in the same "box" (30-35) and neither one of us is old. Or middle-aged. Geez. At least wait 'til 40 to consider yourself middle-aged.

Don't have a pity party, have a regular party. Go out, have fun. Or stay in and have fun. But do something besides feel sorry for yourself. A birthday is a great excuse to not think about everything that's wrong with the world. It's a time for celebration.

Party it up like you normally do. Worry about all that other nonsense later.

Crescita posted 9/17/2013 15:06 PM

So can relate. Turning 30 and hitting the two year mark with SO next week.

Ran across this article today, we are far from alone;

http://www.waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html

ETA: Just reread the article and want to make it clear, I don't think you have an inflated ego and expect too much for yourself with little work, I just thought it was a funny generational musing.

[This message edited by Crescita at 3:23 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)]

Betrayal posted 9/17/2013 15:19 PM

I think it's really hard to take our own advice, sometimes. I think that in the last 5 yrs, I've asked myself some of the same questions, particularly living paycheck to paycheck. It comes down to a morning gratitude checklist, at least it helps me remember that if I'm truly happy, right now, and we have what we NEED-not want-that it's all that matters, at least imo. If your bf had popped the question, you'd be freaking out about it too, lol. There's nothing wrong with you, he hasn't asked yet because it's not time yet. Men(most mature, emotionally healthy, men that I know), have a checklist of things that need to be checked off before an engagement, and everyone has a different time table. Hang in there, you're going through a transition(living with bf)AND have a kind of "big" birthday coming up, this too shall pass. *hugs*

fraeuken posted 9/17/2013 15:21 PM

You are young! Celebrate, what are us old folks who are 40+ supposed to say?

Early Congrats and no more pity parties.

click4it posted 9/17/2013 15:23 PM

Celebrate, what are us old folks who are 40+ supposed to say?

Yep.

When you are 40, you will realize that 35 was not middle age. Trust me.

asurvivor posted 9/17/2013 16:10 PM

I can't even remember when I was 35. Trust me...life hasn't even begun to begin, or begin the begun, wait..its begin the beguine. Google it

jjsr posted 9/17/2013 16:19 PM

You are not middle age. Wait till you are in your 50's.

wildbananas posted 9/17/2013 16:44 PM

I hear you... I know I did NOT like turning 30. 40 didn't bother me in the least (go figure) but 30 sure did.

The good news is it really does only get better. I love my 40s! I've never felt so together or at peace, even when things are stressful.

As for SO, do you want to be engaged, kittycat? Or are you just wondering why he isn't asking? What would you say if he did?

damncutekitty posted 9/17/2013 16:52 PM

As for SO, do you want to be engaged, kittycat? Or are you just wondering why he isn't asking? What would you say if he did?

I don't even know. Which was why I was kinda fine with not talking about it at first. I know the idea of having a wedding gives me panic attacks, but at the same time I sometimes slip and call him my husband in conversation.

damncutekitty posted 9/17/2013 16:54 PM

You are not middle age. Wait till you are in your 50's.

LOL!

That's what SO said

damncutekitty posted 9/17/2013 17:01 PM

The last few months have made it really hard to not play the compare game. A housewarming for my cousin in the kind of gorgeous new house I will never be able to afford. The 7th bazillionth friend to get engaged in the last year posting engagement photos while on her fab european vacation. And my perfect BFF- the one with the perfect husband, perfect condo and amazing career- just had a perfect little baby girl. It feels like everyone around me is buying houses and having families and advancing their awesome careers.

kernel posted 9/17/2013 17:12 PM

((dck))) And yes, speaking as someone who just turned 53, you are definitely way too young to feel middle-aged. I'm really hoping 53 is middle-aged, since that means living until 106! (hey my great-grandfather was 104, so...) Anyway, I agree with Betrayal about appreciating what you do have, and not playing the comparison game. All those perfect people with houses and cars and all that probably have mortgages and credit card bills out the ying-yang. And as you know from this site, all those seemingly perfect marriages and families are not perfect. You never know what challenges they have in their lives. Concentrate on what makes you and your SO happy and keep on enjoying it!

InnerLight posted 9/17/2013 17:26 PM

Wallow for a while. In fact set a timer for 20 minutes and amp it up. Really have a concentrated poor me misery party. When I've done this it gets it out of my system instead of following me around simmering on low. When you feel a lightening up then do the stuff that makes you happy. Create something!

I know when you hit the middle of a decade you can no longer say, well I'm EARLY thirties anymore. You are smack in the middle of that decade sliding down to 40.

I have so little to show for all my years and education and expertise it gets me down sometimes too. But I do have a creative and unusual life outside of the box and I really appreciate that I can express my quirkiness. That's worth something.

clralb posted 9/17/2013 17:45 PM

Then you hit your 40s and starting seeing your perfect friends with their perfect families and perfect homes are filing bankruptcy, breaking up, lose their perfect home, drowning in massive debt.

No, it's not gratifying or fun to see them go through this. Remember, everything seems to look great on the outside.

Concentrate on yourself, don't compare, and be happy with who you are and where you are.

Jrazz posted 9/17/2013 17:46 PM

Is 35 "middle age"?!?!?!

Fuck - I thought I had more time...

CheaterMagnet posted 9/17/2013 18:03 PM

If 35 is middle age, I haven't got much time left! I turned 50 on the 5th, in the 50th state.

foxglove posted 9/17/2013 18:20 PM

DCK,

I also have to take issue with your definition of middle age-I'm 51 and I plan on living to well into my 90s or possibly 100. I'm just getting into middle age and really embracing it. 50 years old was one of the years best ever! If I had a time machine, I would never go back to anything age under 30. Why? I'm smarter, more confident, and more discerning than at any other time in my life-I bet this is true for you as well.

Next week, celebrate the wisdom, experience and authenticity that comes with the middle years. Truly.

ChoosingHope posted 9/17/2013 18:49 PM

I thought 45 was middle age!!!!

Bebba1171 posted 9/17/2013 19:26 PM

Wait a minute! I am 53 and feel great! Ran my best ever 10 mile trail run last year.
35 is not middle age! I will call you and raise you 25 years!