Lately I have been dealing with a lot shit with my family. My mother has always been very distant to me. I have always felt like I was the unwanted child. I was always compared to my sister and was expected to be like her. So growing up, I tried to be like her so that I could get attention from my mother.
My mom never cared about anything about me. Never encouraged me. Never cared about my education. Never wanted me to do anything except be a doormat. So all throughout school, I did what I was supposed to do. Went to school, came home and did nothing. I did whatever I was told to do.
I remember I was apparently going to turn out like my brother who is a complete fuck up in life. He has been in and out of jail, can't keep a place to live and is constantly moving back in with my mom. And now I just found out that he is going to be a father with a chick he met not even 3 months ago.
Anyway, I could go on and on about my childhood but I don't want to bore you so I will cut to the chase about my issues.
My sister runs a daycare out of her house and my mom helps her out. More so when school is in so that she can take the big kids to school without having to bring the little babies.
Well Thursday around noon I get a text from my sister saying that she needs to talk to me before my mom gets back. I was hesitant at first to call her because I didn't really want to hear it. But I ended up calling her and talking to her for over an hour. She was telling me about how she is ready to cut my mom out of her life because of my brother (who is currently living with my mom again). Anyway, we talked and I told her to let me know if anything happens and if she comes back because my mom stormed out of my sisters house after a small altercation. Something about her dog. So I guess my mom ended up coming back and was really upset, crying, yelling and all that jazz. So Friday comes along and my mom shows up in the morning and was acting like nothing happened to previous day.
Friday night rolls around and my mom calls my sister and says that she has disturbing news. My sister calls her back and when she got through, she found out this apparent disturbing news. That my brother is going to be a father.
That is just some stuff going on with my family.
Now what is going on with me. The first week of September when kids went back to school, our daughter started SK and was going to a new school and taking the bus too. Plus she was going to be in full day instead of half days.
My mom called on that Sunday after a whole week had gone by of school. She called to see how our daughter was doing at her new school and everything. When I talked to my mom that day, I asked her if we could go out and talk before I go back to work next week. She said sure but she had to work some stuff out with her car insurance first. I said okay, let me know and we can go out and talk. So far it has been a whole week and I haven't heard from her at all. This is a common occurrence with her. No contact for a while.
I actually went 5 years without talking to her at all. I tried contacting her with cards, letters, phone calls, messages, you name it, I tried. But nothing from her. Those years screwed with me. I thought I did something wrong for her not wanting to talk to me. Last Christmas we had a family thing at my sisters house and after that I didn't hear from my mom for about 2 months. I keep telling her to call more often and she always says she will but doesn't.
I am really getting to the point that I can't take any more of this shit from her. Emotionally, I just can't deal with it anymore. I can't deal with her coming and going all the time. So I am really trying to decide what I want to do. If I want to stop talking to her or not.
She is toxic to my healing and is a negative influence on my life. Whenever I talk to her anymore it is always about my brother and how he is horrible and she is breaking down and can't deal with him anymore. Honestly, I don't really care about him and don't want to spend hours talking about him and what he does. And I really don't want my kids getting too attached to her and then her not be there. I don't want my kids getting hurt like that.
Sorry about the rambling and random thoughts that are all over the place. My brain is all over the place right now.
Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.