SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

eternallove posted 9/17/2013 22:42 PM

Is there any test out there in the world that i could take to proove to my BBF that i did not have sex with the OM? I have been searching and found nothing but i figured id make one last effort to find something maybe someone here would know. I have looked into poly and dont really want to go that route- to much room for error in such an important matter.

SurprisinglyOkay posted 9/18/2013 07:09 AM

Can't think of anything but a poly.

20WrongsVs1 posted 9/18/2013 07:34 AM

You know there isn''t any such test. But, does it really matter?

Being your BF isn''t a life sentence he''s locked into, so he can choose to believe you...or not...and stay with you, or not.

Has BBF asked you to take a poly? If so, do it. Have BBF write up a series of yes/no questions and go. Too much room for error? Really? Or, is there something you''re still holding back?

[This message edited by 20WrongsVs1 at 7:34 AM, September 18th, 2013 (Wednesday)]

noglamour posted 9/18/2013 08:07 AM

I met someone off the internet in 2006 and I met her at her apartment. Nothing physical happened, I didn't even touch her.

I was there for 30-45 mins and left.

We chatted online and talked about sexual preferences.

For my BS, it doesn't matter. The intent and betrayal is there.

eternallove posted 9/18/2013 18:42 PM

Thanks for the advice. Really the whole poly thing is not that im hilding anything back its that neither of us truly beleive in thier accuracy. He has not asked me to take one. I looked into just doing it on my own but through research i just continued to find flaws in the results time after time. Im not comfortable puttig my relationship on the line for something thats not 100% accurate because i know what the result would be- if i passed the poly he would say that i just cheated the test and i failed that would be that. So thys why im not really a huge fan of poly. What are some other ways i can cotinue to reassure him that this did not happen?

leftoolate posted 9/20/2013 10:13 AM

We never found it. I'm sorry to say I didn't come clean on my own, and my husband's last discovery came weeks after the first. I had had opportunity for intercourse with the other man, but didn't do that. Of course, the kissing and oral are bad enough, but the lies were even worse. So, my husband has waited a long time for the other shoe to drop, waiting to find that I lied even more and did have intercourse. Polygraphs are not our choice either.

Even aside from availability (Europe) and reliability - the results of a poly don't alter or lessen the basic problem of lies and betrayal.

Over time, his apprehension and suspicion lessened. The changes I made, getting to know myself, taking on life? He saw those. I think it helped.

~L.

edited for clarity

[This message edited by leftoolate at 1:23 AM, September 21st (Saturday)]