We never found it. I'm sorry to say I didn't come clean on my own, and my husband's last discovery came weeks after the first. I had had opportunity for intercourse with the other man, but didn't do that. Of course, the kissing and oral are bad enough, but the lies were even worse. So, my husband has waited a long time for the other shoe to drop, waiting to find that I lied even more and did have intercourse. Polygraphs are not our choice either.
Even aside from availability (Europe) and reliability - the results of a poly don't alter or lessen the basic problem of lies and betrayal.
Over time, his apprehension and suspicion lessened. The changes I made, getting to know myself, taking on life? He saw those. I think it helped.
edited for clarity
[This message edited by leftoolate at 1:23 AM, September 21st (Saturday)]