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He asked to take the dogs, again

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erzulie posted 9/17/2013 23:02 PM

and I told him I was not comfortable with that.

We were in front of the counselor ... who then witnessed the ensuing meltdown. He first said "what, so woud it be better if I just died?!?". I did not respond. Then he said, "so, you are going to punish our dogs?"

That's when my blood boiled.

How dare HE accuse ME of punishing them! I am working night and day to take care of them - including protecting their feelings in all of this. I am trying to shield them from drama and trauma as much as possible!

He stormed out after that.

I don't understand why, but man did it hurt that he would accuse me of anything - ESPECIALLY that.

Nature_Girl posted 9/17/2013 23:06 PM

Poor Muffin Man! He just finally felt a consequence. Poor Baby Man.

h0peless posted 9/17/2013 23:11 PM

My experience with my two dogs was that when my ex would randomly stop by the house for something, they would be really happy while she was there and then really confused for days afterwards. The sensitive one would just sit by the door and wait for her.

Aside from protecting them from abduction, you are protecting them emotionally by providing stability.

persevere posted 9/17/2013 23:12 PM

I insisted that my XWH could not take the dogs unless they were declared as my property in the decree. He insisted on a visitation schedule that he used once. I think OW kabashed that lol.

My only regret is that I didn't insist on a financial responsibility for vet expenses along w his crazy visitation schedule. Be sure to throw that out there if he pushes it.

Catwoman posted 9/18/2013 04:41 AM

Nice mantrum.

Glad it happened in front of the counselor so that she sees exactly the kind of manipulation you are dealing with.

Hang in there--you ARE doing the right thing.

Williesmom posted 9/18/2013 06:41 AM

Good job. He quit the team, and now he's feeling the pain.

Sad in AZ posted 9/18/2013 06:51 AM

You are doing the right thing. I had to give up my dogs; I'm still sad, but I won't visit them. I had the opportunity in recent months and did not do it because of the trauma it would cause them.

erzulie posted 9/18/2013 09:11 AM

Thank you all, so much.

And the God's honest truth is that the dogs are doing great! They aren't moping or looking for him (they were after the time I did let him come in). They are eating, sleeping well, getting their exercise every day, and wagging their tails a lot. I have made it my #1 priority to keep them on a highly stable routine, knowing that will help. And when I have sad moments, I relegate them to when I am out of the house, so they are not subjected to them.

If they visited with my WH, I am certain they'd revert to moping and looking for him. And they'd be confused.

Oh, and another odd thing that he said in front of the counselor. I told him that I felt he needed to find a more long-term living solution for himself - that it wasn't fair to string him along with thinking he might come back here. His sad face quickly turned to an angy one, with a "well, we will have to talk budget then right away, because I am not willing to live in squalor!" Like I was suggesting he live in squalor ... it was so odd. I've been nothing but congenial with him, telling him that anything that he needs, he can have - making it clear I'm not looking to screw him or punish him. I am not that person. I am only trying to do what is best for me at the moment, with as little negative impact upon him as possible.

His hostility and accusations are so confounding. One minute, he's crying and saying he loves me, he will do anything to help me heal. The next moment, he's flying off the handle, accusing me of punishing our dogs and insinuating he needs to live in squalor.

Insulting, to say the least. What is tht all about? Maybe his hostile moments are the few where he is actually being honest...?

lieshurt posted 9/18/2013 09:28 AM

What is tht all about?

He is exposing his true self to you.

As far as the dogs, he doesn't really want to see them. It's just a way to keep you engaged in the drama.

damncutekitty posted 9/18/2013 10:02 AM

Maybe his hostile moments are the few where he is actually being honest...?

He is desperately looking for any possible way to make you the bad guy so he can sleep at night.

doggiemom12 posted 9/18/2013 15:58 PM

Be very careful about this.

My late STBX tried to get me to let him have the dogs overnight a couple of times. I always said no. He got to see them when I brought them to lunches in a public place.

When I got into his computer after he committed suicide I found many inquiries on his history about in home pet euthanasia. Thank heavens I never let him have them. I believe he intended to kill them too to hurt me.

Say no about the dogs. Period. If he wants to visit them meet him at a park.

erzulie posted 9/18/2013 16:48 PM

Oh, doggie mom ... your story made me shudder.

He's not coming anywhere near them. My own father just asked me, "why don't you just let him take them for a little bit?" I unloaded. This man felt no compunction about setting off an atom bomb in my heart. What kind of a blithering idiot would let him anywhere near those I love most?

I liken his request to Hitler asking a Jewish person for a bandaid. Equally ridiculous.

(I hope that statement doesn't offend anyone - not meant to)

ruinedandbroken posted 9/18/2013 17:53 PM

Aaaawh, poor baby. How old is he, four?

sparkysable posted 9/18/2013 20:21 PM

Ah yes, the NPD meltdown when they don't get their way.

I'm suspicious as to why he is so insistent. *insert wildly waving red flag icon*. He's up to something, and it ain't good, whatever it is.

tesla posted 9/18/2013 20:28 PM

The more he insists on them the more you should protect them.
Ex-shat kept bringing up the dog he wanted *every* conversation before I finally got NC firmly established. Then he would send me an email here and there regarding the dog. He got desperate when the settlement talks were scheduled and that's when he broke in and stole the wrong dog and thought he would ransom the pup back to me for the one he really wanted.

Be on your guard. He is entitled and selfish and if he thinks those animals should be with him then be prepared.

FTG.

Too_Trusting posted 9/18/2013 20:29 PM

As far as the dogs, he doesn't really want to see them. It's just a way to keep you engaged in the drama.

^^this^^

He reacts with anger about "squalor" because he was forced to face that you are NOT going to take him back. He figures if he makes YOU think you'll be living in squalor without his income, you'll let him come back. That's what I think. He's grasping at straws.

tushnurse posted 9/19/2013 08:03 AM

Mr NPD is finally seeing the results of his actions, and it may be the first time in his life that he can't sweet talk his way out of it. Be prepared for Crazy at every level.

Make sure you have added a lock to your home where he can't get in with old keys, more than one person has had their pets abducted. He no more wants those dogs than the man in the moon. What he wants is to cause you pain, it's the only way he can live with his.

Let him fit, storm, and carry on, and keep your cool. This isn't about you, it's about NPD consequences for actions.

((((and strength)))

sparkysable posted 9/19/2013 12:42 PM

When I got into his computer after he committed suicide I found many inquiries on his history about in home pet euthanasia. Thank heavens I never let him have them. I believe he intended to kill them too to hurt me.

My XWH killed my cat. He denies it, but I know he did. I suspect he injected her with something, since he is a paramedic, and has access to injectable things.

Protect yourself and your pets. This goes beyond an innocent person who wants to spend time with dogs.

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