SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Softcentre posted 9/18/2013 08:48 AM

Maybe that was what I've been looking for. Either WH will wake up, or he won't, but it'll help me, right?

It turns out I was almost doing it, but there some important things I'd got wrong:

Getting emotional on him when he triggered me

Trying to find out what he is up to

I did listen to what he was saying...but then I tried to put my side and all he heard was criticism.

Let's see if I can do it. The hardest bit will not be getting emotional when I feel hurt. That never used to be a problem, but now I've put my walls down and am getting used to actually feeling...well it's hard to switch it off.

So my keys words to keep hold of, my mantra will be:

Happy, Confident, Capable, Moving on

7yrsflushed posted 9/18/2013 09:14 AM

Yes the 180 will help you and if you mess up don't worry about it. Just start it back up again.

NewMom0220 posted 9/18/2013 10:31 AM

That is great news! It's hard and goes against everything your heart tells you to do, so don't worry if you don't do it perfectly at first. It takes time and practice and lots of effort. It's really hard when you want to react to something and you know you can't. If you falter (cause you are human)...don't spend too much time beating yourself up about it. Just get back on the 180 horse.

Good luck and remember it's a process. :)

Softcentre posted 9/18/2013 14:14 PM

Hmm...interesting!

I started it this afternoon when he came to pick up ds3 and go get ds6 from school. Now he's been away at a wedding a for 5 days and the COW was there (but they're not seeing each other,apparently)so he would have expected me to try and ask/hint about it. He got crickets, a smile and a wave goodbye, with a 'have a nice time'

When he returned them he started asking them if they remembered where he was going to take them on Sat and got them to tell me. Now normally he keeps his plans with the boys to himself and gets very cagey. He also volunteered that they'd been to McDonalds for tea.

Well I'm going to try not to read too much into it, but it's an interesting change from usual.

Ashland13 posted 9/19/2013 20:11 PM

180 is very hard but also very interesting. It sends a very clear signal or message to a WS and it also, importantly, shows strength.

FWIW, when I am better at 180, Perv gets very chatty and "friendly". It can become a game of cat and mouse, but is a really good way to practice self-protection.

Those are good ideas for a place to start. Another one I would add is to cease letting any information or details about yourself out to him in future.

I like your mantra. Mine is, "we don't need him anymore." or, "We can do it ourselves."

ETA that Perv does that too, the quieter I get, giving out little bits of detail of his visit with DD or his day, which I think nowadays is a hope for an exchange of information or a wish for a pat on the back...to feed that ego.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 8:13 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]