"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt
This is what I have been raised to believe - and I do believe it. But it can put me in some very hard places. It is one of the reasons I stay.
My WH exfiance goes to our church. She broke up with him (long ago before we even met) after her mom convinced her that he couldn't provide for her due to his disability.
Somehow, our kids wound up in the same day care (I chose it so it wasn't WH planing it) and we have sometimes led parallel lives.
We attend the same church, and at least 50% of the time, we end up sitting near each other. She is a nice person and we have spoken through the years at the grocery, etc.
But I having a really hard time lately - seeing her every Sunday - speaking to her - and ESPECIALLY watching as she and my WH speak (very briefly) even if it is just to say "How are you doing?".
***Once, when we were dating (a million years ago) we saw her at a club. It was her birthday, and my WH was upset about her fiance not being with her on her birthday. When I asked why it bothered him so much, he said that they had been engaged, and that he had loved her, and would always love her. He explained it was not like "in love" - but just because of their past. This has always haunted me. My husband has always remained friends with people he was involved with in the past - and they have been my friends too. Only now - after his infidelity - does it bother me so much.
So.......anyway - back to my post about being selfish --- I want to change chuches because of it. And I do not change chuches lightly. BUT - we joined this church due to a great youth program for our kids, and I don't want to take that from them.
I would so much rather just heal and not have it bother me. But I have to admit that recently (sorry, too much information here) every time I see her, I imagine my husband making love to her. And when they do speak - even just to say hello - I watch to see if they look at each other, which - of course - they do. You look at a person when you speak to them.
I have recently left the service immediately afterwards so I don't have to speak to her. I find some excuse - restroom, or have to talk to someone, etc.
This is so ridiculous! I am a grown woman - and OLD woman. Sometimes I feel like I am in 7th grade.
I am sorry for the ramble. Don't really know what I am saying - execept that if it weren't for my kids, I think I would change churches. But that would just be too selfish on my part.
I know I will get some 2x4s on this one. Its ok.
I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy