Our MC told us at our last meeting that we were attacking this problem from opposite sides, butting heads and we were not on the same team.
You see my WH always sees both sides to everything, always plays devils advocate etc...
In this case, where he firmly states there was no PA, he has a hard time believing that OW was truly after him. He says that if she was, she had ample opportunity to make it known and she never did. Most of her texts were those that could be a double entendre, taken one way or the other.
I have always said that women often do this. THey throw out hints and see what they get back. I never for one moment thought she did not know what she was doing.
Because of this, my WH has defended OW- almost. He really refused to see her as an enemy. Reallly said that if she did want him, she would have made a move.
Anyway, the MC, after only hearing a few short stories about OW and things she did, said that it is obvious that she had targeted my WH. Clear that she found him very appealing, liked his company, etc...
He told WH that any defense of the OW was not an effective strategy with his wife (me).
It was a MAJOR turning point. MC said that no one could prove 100% what her motives were, but that we can all look at what she did and we can make an educated guess.
Further, the MC pointed out when my WH confronted her, told her that things had become too casual between them and they needed to go back to business only, SHE DID NOT RESPECT THOSE BOUNDARIES. He said that most people would have concluded that I had some objection to their relationship and that my husband did as well. MC said most people would have respected those boundaries. THey would have said to themselves "Gee, I do not want to get mixed up in that."
She did not. This way of looking at it has made a huge difference for my WH. He has now said that he sees he was placing blame on me for not getting over it or for making too much out of it, rather than on her. He was giving her the benefit of the doubt, rather than looking at the fact that if it acts like a duck and quacks like a duck.....
I really wonder if this is what Sisoon meant when he said he thought my WH and I had a communication issue?
Hmmm...
I have to say, after a bad first round with a useless MC, this one has proved to be pretty invaluable after only three sessions.
Wh has now stated that we are on the same team. His view has shifted. OW is an enemy of the marriage. He said he was indifferent to her before. Now he dislikes her.
Can I hope?