Just a week ago we attended a wedding of my friends. I chose to put it back on without saying anything to my husband.
He has been a model remorseful spouse and I have not seen any contact between him and his MOW nor any other women.
Sitting there waiting for the vows, he noticed when he grabbed my hand. And whispered into my ear....thank you. After the vows were spoken with him wiping a few tears from my eyes, he stated that we should renew our vows.
It has finally come full circle. I have forgiven him and we look forward to our future finally. So it can be done. It is a rough road full of tears, anger and last of all hope.
Just thought I would share.
On another note...just got an email for MOW's BH. They are separating. I am sad for him as he has worked so hard to keep the marriage intact.
Thank you...even my best friend, our second that night who divorced due to infidelity, says it is a good thing. I hope the OW keeps her distance from him.
For her sake...I hope she does. I have threats to make good on, should she ever contact him again.
What did the BS say when he emailed?
"I think we are separating". I wrote that I am sorry to hear that because I know how much he truly wanted to make the marriage work after multiple affairs. I haven't heard back yet.
Is she still crazy and remorseful enough to try contacting your spouse??
No...I scared the crap out of her. I called her out and no one had done that before. Let her know that I have all her videos and pics.
On the vow renewal side when is your Anniversary?? Is it this year?
Yep. Dec 19th. And it will be the 15 yr mark. Good luck..
There will be new simple gold bands when we do renew!!!
Either that or she will tattoo her name across my face
or maybe a little lower?
I don't wear my rings, not sure when I will feel comfortable wearing them again.
He bought a new wedding band after DDay (his was "lost" a few years ago)- wears it all the time now. Not sure why - being married didn't mean anything to him. Obviously.
A ring doesn't make you married, it's just a reminder.
Trust is earned, respect is given, & loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any one is to loose all three.
Some days I still struggle to wear it and there is some sadness, but Crazz has been very understanding.
He never takes his ring off (new one, too) but he never too the old one off and so we had to get rid of it because of what it had touched, if you catch my drift.
It's a very personal decision, and there's no right answer. You just have to do what feels right to you.
My Christmas present that year was a brand new ring (I had already gotten her a new one). In addition she surprised me at Church on Christmas, she had arranged with our Pastor to renew our vows. Haven't taken it off since.
[This message edited by fireguy87 at 7:03 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)]
My WH has my name tattooed on his chest. Didn't make a difference to him or his OWs, unfortunately.
About rings - I haven't worn my original set since DD. I bought myself a really thin gold band, because I wanted one while pregnant. I asked for new rings - has hell frozen over yet?
Married over 12 years, together for 21.
DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos. DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).
My husband didn't wear his wedding ring after D-Day. He did have it with him all the time though, he wore it on his necklace. He put it back in just before our wedding anniversary in October when we got them resized.
He has recently told me that he doesn't like our rings anymore.
I have a plan for our 5th wedding anniversary. I want to get new rings, propose to him and renew our vows.
We are doing good in our healing. Although sometimes it is hard but I think we are on the right track.
Edited to add:
I took my set off for about a week. I wore it to show the MOW that I was in this, regardless what she wished for.
[This message edited by niaveone at 5:14 PM, September 21st (Saturday)]
I never mentioned taking mine off, and either WH hasn't noticed or hasn't mentioned it (his is back on). I feel nothing but disgust each time I look at it, so who knows what I'll do. Maybe I'll change my mind next year, or maybe I'll have it made into a nose ring. :) We have a long way to go.
30Y3K - same here. SAWH had lost COUNTLESS rings over the 2.5 year period when he was having an affair. Seems to have kept this latest one on since. I, on the other hand, haven't worn mine since 5 days after DD in March when I had a consult with a divorce lawyer. He said something like "You aren't going to wear that beautiful ring I bought you?" It is a beautiful ring and when we were engaged, all of my friends drooled over it. But it just shows all of us that material things don't matter - it's actions and quality of character that matter most.
By the way, I read that the U of AZ did a study on sex addicts and what resonates with them - a tough love or nurturing approach. Tough love seems to yield better results. And one of the things they mention is for the spouse to not wear their ring.
LA
