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Newest Member: 4ever2gether (45763)

User Topic: Happy Birthday Pity Party Rant
sleepless34
♀ 40274
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today is my birthday.

I feel terrible. I wake up every morning at 4am with the same nightmare. This can't really be my life. My brain wants to understand how this could happen, trying to find some logic with illogical puzzle pieces that aren't right and make no sense. It never will.

I loved my Husband. I thought he was kind, intelligent, caring, loving, moral, kind, patient and loyal. Sometimes I thought he was a better person than I was, or at least a more peaceful person that took life as it comes and accepts it.

I thought he would take a bullet for me, instead he is the one that put the bullets in me.

He never told me he was unhappy. He acted like all was fine, that he loved me and loved our life. He lied to me every day, for 16 months, while he was cheating on me and lying to me and sharing all the intimate details of our life, our family, with another woman.

He played with my life. Everything in my beautiful life that was important to me is gone. Almost everything I cherished, loved, had gratitude for is now gone. The kid's and their sense of security and family, the holidays, birthdays, vacations, all of that will never happen for them again. And they are sad, and can't seem to understand it. Our financial situation, our lifestyle, our friends, our families, everything will be different.

The betrayal is so deep. It hurts like my heart is literally broken. I don't know who you are, I don't know who you were. All my past memories are tainted, the future dreams for our family together- all gone.

And he said at the bottom of our email communication about the schedule for kids

"I am truly sorry for the pain you may be experiencing as the result of my past actions. I hope you have a great birthday with your family and the girls. I know they are super excited to spend this day with you."

It means nothing to me. The apology is for him, and the one he needs to forgive is himself. What I felt then, or what I feel now doesn't matter to him. He will never understand the pain he has caused me or the kids. He will tell himself it was meant to be, had to happen. As long as he is happy, he will be able to move on. What a robotic piece of absolute shit. I will never forgive him. He is dead to me.

I hope you enjoyed my pity party...



Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're right: The apology was for him. He wanted to be able to say, "See, I'm a nice guy after all."

He's an arsehole, but he'll never believe that.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
Softcentre
39166
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I loved my Husband. I thought he was kind, intelligent, caring, loving, moral, kind, patient and loyal. Sometimes I thought he was a better person than I was, or at least a more peaceful person that took life as it comes and accepts it.

I thought he would take a bullet for me, instead he is the one that put the bullets in me.

He never told me he was unhappy. He acted like all was fine, that he loved me and loved our life. He lied to me every day, for 16 months, while he was cheating on me and lying to me and sharing all the intimate details of our life, our family, with another woman.

He played with my life. Everything in my beautiful life that was important to me is gone. Almost everything I cherished, loved, had gratitude for is now gone. The kid's and their sense of security and family, the holidays, birthdays, vacations, all of that will never happen for them again. And they are sad, and can't seem to understand it. Our financial situation, our lifestyle, our friends, our families, everything will be different.

The betrayal is so deep. It hurts like my heart is literally broken. I don't know who you are, I don't know who you were. All my past memories are tainted, the future dreams for our family together- all gone.

It could have been me writing this part. Right now, you're grieving the loss of your past, present and future. I can't imagine having WH email me with that on my birthday, when the only birthday present I really want (mine is next month) is somehow for it all be made better, not to receive a condolence message from the one who caused it all.

Did you get spoiled today? Have you got something fun to do? Can you treat yourself to something?


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1107 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
sleepless34
♀ 40274
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for listening to my rant.

Yes, the apology is all for him. Although I had so much I would like to say back, I just gave him crickets. He doesn't even deserve a response. How I felt then, how I feel now, it doesn't matter to him.

on another note, My parents have come to visit. Not sure whether this will be good or drive me crazy. Upon arrival my Dad started bitching about the cat, had my mother carry his luggage because of his bad back, and he said to her "make me a sandwich." Having her here is helpful. Having her here with him not as much, it is like having a big fat baby around, so not sure how helpful this visit will be for me....and here I was hoping to stop with the smoking and drinking, I think I am going to need it to keep me sane...oh,well maybe something new to bitch about besides my shitty situation.


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Eyeofthetiger
♀ 40359
Member # 40359
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy birthday!!

I feel like I could of written the same thing as well. Minus the fact that its not my birthday.

The thought of him being someone else is gut wrenching.

Hope your day gets better!


S

Posts: 130 | Registered: Aug 2013
sleepless34
♀ 40274
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, that was the worst birthday ever. So glad it is over now.

Had the most depressing birthday dinner out with my parents and kids. My daughter whined and complained the whole time about her headache, stomachache, fatigue...all stress related thanks to Daddy's leaving.

My father said and did nothing. My mother and other daughter had a "talk off" and chatted amongst themselves the whole time. I drank a lot of wine. I had to figure out where to go. I had to drive. I had to talk to the hostess about a different table because my Dad is big-bellied and isn't comfortable in a booth. Being strong is a curse, because no one ever really helps you like they help the weak ones.

After I finally got my kids and parents taken care of, I sat outside in the backyard and drank vodka tonics and smoked cigarettes talking to my best friend. She made me laugh. and helped me laugh about how shitty the day was and how we both feel if you do the right thing in life, you basically end up getting screwed in life.

The cheaters, the liers, the selfish and the weak- they take what they want, feel no guilt, people feel sorry for them, the laws protect their interests, the kids forgive them, they move on SCOTT F**ING FREE while I clean up the mess.....


WORST BDAY EVER


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
StillLivin
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sleepless34,
Almost everything you said could've been me too!
Except my husband had an affair for almost 3 years before I found out.
Everyday he acted like he loved me until about 6 months before I found out.
He built a home with me, made me transplant from my beautiful island in HI to thsi crappy ass desert. I gave up my career because he wanted me to be able to spend more time taking care HIM!
Hah....he started the affair and HE knew he wasn't happy in the marriage. He pretended everyday, and got his selfish way with everything.
Then, poof, ILUBINILWU. Went to 2 lousy MC sessions. Both times, according to the phone records, he was talking for half an hour to her before showing up for MC.
He only went to counseling so he can say he really tried. I got the same BS apology. OH, and I got a "Thank you for all you have done for me and my sons!" crap too as he walked out the door to go to his love nest he prepared for him and Shrek.
But, we have to forgive. Not for them, for us.
That hurt and bitterness will be carried over into everything else later on in life.
Don't let his actions make you into somebody you are not.
It is sooo hard some days to forgive. It is a process.
Karma is a "B"! Let that be his reward down the line.
Be happy, Be free!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2512 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
sleepless34
♀ 40274
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, you are right, I can't let my hatred consume me. I can't let him ruin me.

Thank you for the pep talk.


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Topic Posts: 8

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