I wake up often throughout the night, the first thing I think about is what H did, it is the last thought on my mind before I rest my troubled mind, my tormented soul. It is getting boring, and I am very tired inside and out of thinking about what he did, what he said to me over the past few months, I go over and over in my mind. It is an obsession.
Last week, after another major drama night, I told him that I believe he has told me the truth, however, there is a small part of me that still doubt him. He looks at me very sincerely, and swears he has told me everything.
He loves me dearly, I have no doubt whatsoever. How he chose to deal with his issues were permanently damaging to me. Not to him, but to me.
I have to stop thinking that he still lying to me, I have to put it aside and move on. Why, why do I still have these thoughts? Is it an obsession, I keep bringing it up to hurt myself. To hurt us. I realize it is less than 3 months since his last confession, but dear God, when will these thoughts stop.
If it were'nt for this site, I would definetely think I was going crazy. But I am not, I am trying very hard to understand what he did, why he did it, and the fact that he has told me everything.