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Newest Member: Mitzia (61559)

User Topic: no direction
♀ 40694
Member # 40694
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't even know why I am writing this. I guess I have have no one else to talk to

It has been 5 days since d-day and I am more lost then ever. Not really sure what I want to do. I don't have time to focus because of work and my kids.
Sometimes I just want to do nothing and call it quits. But then I think that I love my H, still, even after what he did.
God, I wish I could come up with a plan. I was reading through the articles and the 180 thing... but my mind is just blank. I read it but nothing sinks in...
I thought getting counseling. Not sure if I should go by myself or with him... uuuggghhh, this whole thing stinks!!!

Me: BS
Him: ExH
DD 9-13-13
Divorced 7/9/15

Posts: 126 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ 40184
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chipmunk welcome to SI. as someone said to me when i first arrived...this is the club nobody wants to join, but everyone is glad they found!

Please consider counselling for yourself, many marriage counsellors preference is to have each person in IC before or as they start MC. It is difficult to see a joint MC when you have feelings of your own that you have not confronted.

Most importantly take care of you and your children. Get lots of fluids and try to eat light but nutritious meals. Get plenty of rest. Once your mind is a bit more settled consider reading and implementing the 180 for yourself, to get some distance and perspective.

You don't say if your WH is NC or if the A has ended. If it has not you May want to consider getting a consult with a lawyer. You don't have to file for divorce just get info about what your rights are in case the worst happens.

Know that there is no time line to anyone's healing, we are all different and progress at different rates. You are grieving and will go the stages of grief. Come here and read lots, it has been the best thing for me. You will get lots of advice, take what you feel works for you and leave the rest.

Good luck, I hope you find some peace on this journey.(((hugs)))

1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 377 | Registered: Aug 2013
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello, and welcome, chipmunk41.

So sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but I am glad you found us.

I agree with everything emotionalgirl said in her reply. I would definitely recommend starting IC, or individual counseling. Talking with someone face-to-face can really help you sort things out, prioritize, and help you start to get your life in order.

Keep reading and posting out here. Things will gradually sink in. It's a lot of info, and you are already saturated with emotions and information that you've been trying to take in since d-day. Go easy on yourself, and take care of yourself as much as possible. This whole thing does stink to the high heavens, but you'll get through this. We're here for you.


Posts: 30662 | Registered: Dec 2010
♀ 24643
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was reading through the articles and the 180 thing... but my mind is just blank. I read it but nothing sinks in...

Day 5 is awful. Lack of sleep, lack of nutrition and shock will leave you brain dead.

Eat something nutrient dense, and if you have a sleeping pill, consider taking one tonight.

Eat. Rest. Drink lots of water.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2144 | Registered: Jun 2009
♀ 30396
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry you are here. Definitely, get counseling for yourself. you have a lot of things to work through individually. It is normal to be where you are at this point in discovery. Fortunately, you do not have to make any immediate decisions.

One thing you might consider to help solidify no contact is to make sure the husband of the OW is aware of the A. It is not unusual for NC to be broken, you might watch for it. Have you set any ground rules or lines that if crossed..then....I found those helpful for me when I was undecided. It was easy to be drug along with "one more thing". when I finally set boundaries it helped me to hold myself accountable to keeping him accountable.

Right now...take care of your self. Eat, drink and try to rest (sleep if you can). Remember, you don't have to make decision immediately. I personally gave myself a year to decide.

Me-54 BS
Him 61-WS
Married 34 yrs, together 37
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1962 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Topic Posts: 5

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