The other post ended up being too long. So here is the 2nd situation that is sending me over the edge.
I posted last week about my invitation to speak at a fundraiser for a local crisis pregnancy center. I will be telling the story of my pregnancy at 19, the support I received through this particular agency, and what it was like to give my child up for adoption.
My mother has gone extremely manic about this whole situation. She's done this my entire life. Everything is about her. No matter what the situation, she has to put herself in the middle of it, usually embarrassing our family while she's at it.
My prom night: came home with my date, who was an EXTREMELY nice young man. She danced out onto the front porch with a jug of wine hanging off her finger, Waylon Jennings blasting out of the stereo, shouting "Mama's in the sauce tonight!!!!!"
My wedding: She hated JM and refused to speak to him or his parents the entire day. Of course, she insisted on being there and making a big deal out of the fact that she wasn't speaking to them.
My niece's graduate recognition service at church: Mama stood up and announced to the entire congregation that my niece could throw a tantrum they wouldn't believe and then proceeded to address my niece's boyfriend, telling him "You better watch out."
In 2003, I won a national award, being recognized as the <My Job Title> of the year by our national association. I won a trip to Las Vegas and thought it would be nice if my mom was there to see me receive this award, as she is a nurse as well. She insisted on being allowed to speak, after me, to this group of professionals and told a very droll story of my childhood. Oh, and then she ran up and down the strip collecting hooker cards because they were free.
She is nuts. Freaking nuts. She is diagnosed bipolar and dementia, although the dementia diagnosis is really questionable in my opinion. I think she has some sort of personality disorder.
I love her. I really do. But it is exhausting to be her daughter.
So, this dinner I am speaking at... She called the organization and paid $300 to sponsor a table for 8. Then informed them that she is hard of hearing and needs to be seated at the front so she can hear me when I speak. (They accommodated her quite graciously) JM is furious that she has, once again, taken over something that should be about me, and made it her little circus. There is going to be drama. My sister and brother will be coming, and my sister has already promised that she will be on "Lois Patrol" to hopefully keep my mom from doing something stupid.
I wonder if it would be helpful at all for me to just say, "Mom, you know you have a history of choosing to do some inappropriate and embarrassing things at the most inopportune time. I'm letting you know now that this is not the occasion for you to make a speech, or make a spectacle of yourself. Please know that R. (My sister) is going to quietly escort you out if you start to get out of hand."
Or would that just put the idea into her head? Why can't she just go and smile and quietly be proud of me????