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cantaccept posted 9/18/2013 19:29 PM

I consistently have nightmares, they seem to wake me about 3am every morning.

Some are worse that others. Last night was horrific, graphic, something that I don't even know if it really happened. Very sexually graphic of h and ow.

My question, does anyone else deal with this? How do you handle it? It isn't like a dream that you wake from and say, thank God that was just a dream! It happened, or some version of it.

Did you share the details with your spouse?

I tell myself, "it's not happening now", that just doesn't seem to do much though.

Any thoughts on this, or ideas would be greatly appreciated. This sleep deprivation is getting to me. Also, carrying the picture in my head does not make for an easy day.

ionlytalkedtoher posted 9/18/2013 19:39 PM

i have this issue too. I tell my H..but mostly I guess its my problem.

they are frequently of me being abandoned etc..

one last week was we were in a new house and all the rooms were slanted uphill. Our bedroom was a 90 degree angle. I was very upset in the dream.

its common for those experiencing ptsd to have nightmares.

cantaccept posted 9/18/2013 19:51 PM

This one last night, was very sexually graphic. I would be embarrassed to tell him.

I just wonder if I should talk about these kind of dreams with him. How much of the details do you share about this? Will it do more harm or good?

ionlytalkedtoher posted 9/18/2013 20:01 PM

i would probably still talk it over with H. I had a few sexual ones too where he rejects me in the dreams and is sexually with the OW--yeah a bit graphic too.

i think it shows how much this is bothering you. talking would help ease it away perhaps ? i don't know--I wouldn't be embarrassed with your H--he is supposed to share intimate details with you

cantaccept posted 9/18/2013 20:11 PM

I don't know if I mean embarrassed, not sure what I mean. It was him doing something to her. It was just so real, I woke up could not go back to sleep at all and got physically ill.

He is not very receptive to hearing a lot about certain things. I could see him getting defensive about this.

I cried this morning when I told him I had a dream about him with her. He tried to comfort me but cut it off abruptly.

Oh how I hate all of this!

I just never imagined talking to my husband about his sex life and it didn't include me. I feel like I have walked into an alternate universe, nothing is familiar, nothing makes sense.

cantaccept posted 9/18/2013 20:14 PM

I took an anti-anxiety pill, hopefully it will help me sleep. I only have about 7 left so I ration them.

I need a full nights sleep desperately.

Thank you for responding.

SpiderGrl posted 9/18/2013 21:24 PM

(((((Cant)))) A bad dream of my H cheating on me is what lead to me finding out about his EA. I have had a few since dday and they suck. I am fortunate in that, as a child, I learned how to wake myself up if a dream gets too traumatic. It doesn't always work though. On those days I just try to remind myself that I did nothing to deserve what he did, that he is the broken one, not me. It does help sometimes. But I also do not entertain mind movies most of the time (unless I am really having an emotional day). I distract myself.

Maybe you should try free writing about it? I have been free writing when I get p-o'd about this lovely situation. It seems to help a little. I even bought a journal tonight.

I hope you rest well tonight.

lucy17 posted 9/18/2013 21:28 PM

I hate to hear this is happening to other people (because it is so...awful), but somehow glad at the same time--that I'm not going crazy. I have at least 3 nightmares a week. Some are so realistic. The night before our 1-year anniversary I dreamt that we were at a hotel (which we were going to) and there were a lot of vendors there. One of the vendors was a sex expert and was going to show us how to "do it right." Guess who the expert was? My WH got VERY excited and couldn't wait to try out that particular vendor. In a more recent dream, they were talking and laughing about how I didn't know they were still having an affair. They just kept saying (with smirks), "She doesn't know. She doesn't know. She doesn't know." Wow. I have no words of wisdom. I try to forget about them as soon as I wake up and get myself busy doing something else. Sometimes that helps--no thinking about the dream. Other dreams...haunt me. I tell my H I had a bad dream so he knows it could be a rough day, but don't get specific (like saying it out loud will make it more real). I have just recently told him that when I tell him I had a bad dream that I would like more contact, reassurances, and general support on that day. That seems to help a lot. (((cantaccept)))
I'm sorry you can't get away, even in your sleep. Stay strong.

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