Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: ZombieGirl2

Reconciliation :
nightmares

This Topic is Archived
default

 cantaccept (original poster member #37451) posted at 1:29 AM on Thursday, September 19th, 2013

I consistently have nightmares, they seem to wake me about 3am every morning.

Some are worse that others. Last night was horrific, graphic, something that I don't even know if it really happened. Very sexually graphic of h and ow.

My question, does anyone else deal with this? How do you handle it? It isn't like a dream that you wake from and say, thank God that was just a dream! It happened, or some version of it.

Did you share the details with your spouse?

I tell myself, "it's not happening now", that just doesn't seem to do much though.

Any thoughts on this, or ideas would be greatly appreciated. This sleep deprivation is getting to me. Also, carrying the picture in my head does not make for an easy day.

"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie

posts: 3505   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2012   ·   location: Connecticut
id 6492432
default

ionlytalkedtoher ( member #39802) posted at 1:39 AM on Thursday, September 19th, 2013

i have this issue too. I tell my H..but mostly I guess its my problem.

they are frequently of me being abandoned etc..

one last week was we were in a new house and all the rooms were slanted uphill. Our bedroom was a 90 degree angle. I was very upset in the dream.

its common for those experiencing ptsd to have nightmares.

posts: 309   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2013
id 6492444
default

 cantaccept (original poster member #37451) posted at 1:51 AM on Thursday, September 19th, 2013

This one last night, was very sexually graphic. I would be embarrassed to tell him.

I just wonder if I should talk about these kind of dreams with him. How much of the details do you share about this? Will it do more harm or good?

"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie

posts: 3505   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2012   ·   location: Connecticut
id 6492463
default

ionlytalkedtoher ( member #39802) posted at 2:01 AM on Thursday, September 19th, 2013

i would probably still talk it over with H. I had a few sexual ones too where he rejects me in the dreams and is sexually with the OW--yeah a bit graphic too.

i think it shows how much this is bothering you. talking would help ease it away perhaps ? i don't know--I wouldn't be embarrassed with your H--he is supposed to share intimate details with you

posts: 309   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2013
id 6492483
default

 cantaccept (original poster member #37451) posted at 2:11 AM on Thursday, September 19th, 2013

I don't know if I mean embarrassed, not sure what I mean. It was him doing something to her. It was just so real, I woke up could not go back to sleep at all and got physically ill.

He is not very receptive to hearing a lot about certain things. I could see him getting defensive about this.

I cried this morning when I told him I had a dream about him with her. He tried to comfort me but cut it off abruptly.

Oh how I hate all of this!

I just never imagined talking to my husband about his sex life and it didn't include me. I feel like I have walked into an alternate universe, nothing is familiar, nothing makes sense.

"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie

posts: 3505   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2012   ·   location: Connecticut
id 6492499
default

 cantaccept (original poster member #37451) posted at 2:14 AM on Thursday, September 19th, 2013

I took an anti-anxiety pill, hopefully it will help me sleep. I only have about 7 left so I ration them.

I need a full nights sleep desperately.

Thank you for responding.

"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie

posts: 3505   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2012   ·   location: Connecticut
id 6492505
default

SpiderGrl ( member #40157) posted at 3:24 AM on Thursday, September 19th, 2013

(((((Cant)))) A bad dream of my H cheating on me is what lead to me finding out about his EA. I have had a few since dday and they suck. I am fortunate in that, as a child, I learned how to wake myself up if a dream gets too traumatic. It doesn't always work though. On those days I just try to remind myself that I did nothing to deserve what he did, that he is the broken one, not me. It does help sometimes. But I also do not entertain mind movies most of the time (unless I am really having an emotional day). I distract myself.

Maybe you should try free writing about it? I have been free writing when I get p-o'd about this lovely situation. It seems to help a little. I even bought a journal tonight.

I hope you rest well tonight.

Me 36- BW
Him 37- WH 6 month EA pushing PA.
DDAY- 7/2/13
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. -Gandhi
Pls forgive weird sentences and spelling mistakes, I post from my phone and autocorrect hates me.

posts: 101   ·   registered: Aug. 2nd, 2013   ·   location: US
id 6492580
default

lucy17 ( member #40187) posted at 3:28 AM on Thursday, September 19th, 2013

I hate to hear this is happening to other people (because it is so...awful), but somehow glad at the same time--that I'm not going crazy. I have at least 3 nightmares a week. Some are so realistic. The night before our 1-year anniversary I dreamt that we were at a hotel (which we were going to) and there were a lot of vendors there. One of the vendors was a sex expert and was going to show us how to "do it right." Guess who the expert was? My WH got VERY excited and couldn't wait to try out that particular vendor. In a more recent dream, they were talking and laughing about how I didn't know they were still having an affair. They just kept saying (with smirks), "She doesn't know. She doesn't know. She doesn't know." Wow. I have no words of wisdom. I try to forget about them as soon as I wake up and get myself busy doing something else. Sometimes that helps--no thinking about the dream. Other dreams...haunt me. I tell my H I had a bad dream so he knows it could be a rough day, but don't get specific (like saying it out loud will make it more real). I have just recently told him that when I tell him I had a bad dream that I would like more contact, reassurances, and general support on that day. That seems to help a lot. (((cantaccept)))

I'm sorry you can't get away, even in your sleep. Stay strong.

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." Hemingway
Me- BS 38
Him- WS 44
1 child- 13 years old
together 21 years, legally married 17
Dday1- 7/7/13
Dday2- 8/12/13
The rollercoaster of R

posts: 153   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2013
id 6492583
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy