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Rant and downward spiral again, due to lies!

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julesinpain posted 9/18/2013 20:26 PM

He lied to me again. 4 times in 1 week actually! That is just what I found out in one week. Nothing affair related, but still lies!! How am I supposed to trust him on anything bigger, like the affair is over if he is still lying straight to my face??!! Stupid little lies, but lies!!!

Then he disrespects me twice and does something even though he knew it might bother me, but chooses to do it anyway! Actually told me that!! :(

I don't understand?! Why would he do these things if he says he cares and loves me??

How am I supposed to believe anything he says about the affair or that he is not talking to her anymore or still seeing her, when he continues to do these things?! She drops her kid off at school down the street from his work! She works 5 mins in same area as his work. All summer he went in late to work, now he goes in right at 8:00. So of course because these lies, I am thinking are they meeting for breakfast, at his shop, for coffee? That is how my mind works when he continues his stupid lies!

I can't do this anymore!! He keeps me in limbo land! This is mental abuse!! This has been going on so long!!

I am in limbo because then he turns around and is the best husband ever and treats me so well and does everything right the rest of the time!! He always expects me to just move past it when he lies and hurts me! I always have In the past. This time I am so angry about it, he can not touch me right now!

Does he come up and talk to me about it?? NO!!! He goes about his day and gets quiet and doesn't say a thing to me! I wanted him to come to me this time in person and say something!! Anything to explain himself. Instead he pretends nothing is wrong when he full well knows how pissed I am!!!!! He just figures it will blow over like every other time if he ignores me long enough!

Not this time!!!

I can't live in this nightmare anymore!! Sorry just ranting because I needed it soooooo bad!!!

jo2love posted 9/19/2013 00:18 AM

(((jules)))

You have every right to rant. A little lie is still a lie. It breaks down trust..even if it's not A related. I hope he realizes that acting nice and treating you well won't make you forget the A. Acting nice, treating you well, not lying, and communicating helps rebuild the foundation of your marriage. It rebuilds trust and heals. What does he say when you tell him that staying quiet when you are mad, instead of talking through it, only makes things worse? Can you call him at work at 8 to see if he is there? I'm sorry you are going through this.

julesinpain posted 9/19/2013 13:27 PM

jo2love, thank you for writing back to me.

He doesn't have much to say about any of it. He just stares at me or says "I don't know why I lie to you" Ugh!! I hate the I don't know! I will not go to him this time! If he really wants to fix this he will come to me in person not through a text. When he does something I don't like, I have always gone to him to talk about it. He is used to me saying I don't like it then letting it go! Not this time!! We will see if he ever comes to me.

He does not have a landline at work. He uses his cell for his business phone.

Tred posted 9/19/2013 13:29 PM

Jules,

The old saying a single lie invalidates a thousand truths means that after the A, I believe almost all lies are relative to the A. The might not be directly related, but they are definitely indirectly related.

jo2love posted 9/19/2013 13:35 PM

I hate the I don't know!

I hear you. I used to dread the "I suck". Neither phrase is helpful. Can you have someone check up on him or activate the gps on his phone?

TS68 posted 9/19/2013 16:50 PM

You have every right to rant. Lies ruin relationships and make us honest people crazy.

Get a VAR and drop it in his car. I have done this and have learned a lot about who my H is. (I have been unsuccessful proving a PA so far, but still feel in my gut there is more to his relationship with his secretary).

Try to 180. Not sure how you discovered his lies, but try to keep them to yourself for now. Pretend everything is great and keep a log of what you discover. Rant here on SI, we understand where you are coming from!

Get a VAR, HIDE IT WELL and stay pleasant with him... Until you have a better understanding of the truth. Maybe it will be in his favor...

Good luck, keep posting

julesinpain posted 9/20/2013 14:11 PM

TS68: I have already talked to him about the lies I discovered, he says nothing except "I don't know why I lie to you" His continues lies are what is killing this relationship!! Every time he gives me even a little lie it makes my head spin about trust. After all these years, because he chooses to continue to lie and still do stupid things that hurt me I still can not believe a word he says I have 0 trust!!

This is no way to live my life and I need to move out of this nightmare. I feel sometimes things are going good and then bam, he does another bad thing to ruin it!

I talked to him a little bit again about it (like I said I wasn't going to :() He squinted his angry eyes at me and said nothing to me about it all. We did have to get out for back to school night, but he has had plenty of opportunity since.

The more this stuff happens the stronger I become and the less and less I want to ever let him touch me or be in my life at all anymore. There is only so much someone can take before they go off the deep end! I need to stop this insanity before that happens. Only I can do it now. 180 here I come!

Tred: I agree.

Thank you all for your replies! It is good to come and get stuff out and not be judged for still being in all this crap in my life! Nice to know others get it. Sucks to know you all get it though because you too are living it :(

TS68 posted 9/20/2013 15:23 PM

I hear you girlfriend!!! At least he admits to lying, mine blames me and says he "has to lie BC he does not want to hear it from me".

It is a horrible way to live, I agree. But assuming you have kids, don't you need some kind of proof so that when you actually file he doesn't turn around and deny he is a compulsive liar?? Get your ducks in a row. Good luck!!! No one can live with this crap.

Saleschick posted 9/21/2013 21:21 PM

My ex lied to me all the time too from finances to the affair to small stupid stuff. My friends and family who have known him even are flabbergasted by the number of lies and sometimes it is small stupid stuff. Wish I could tell you why. I just think my ex is dysfunctional and has self esteem issues.

Gemini71 posted 9/21/2013 22:38 PM

Our cell phones had a handy "Family Map" feature that would let me locate his phone any time it was on. I could even set automatic 'location checks' for the same time everyday.

Eventually I decided that I didn't want to be his 'mommy' checking up on him, and I didn't want to be his wife not trusting him. But only you can decide if his lies are deal breakers.

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