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TrulySad posted 9/19/2013 06:52 AM

So WBF can't figure out why I'm pissed at the moment. He has an iPhone that's been a HUGE factor in his betrayals and bullshit. I never wanted to say it needed to go because he uses it for work. To a point, I've had a little peace, having access to it while he's home.

So this morning he decides to upload iOS 7 without us discussing it, even making him late to work. I don't know what changes it has, or how to navigate it. And he claims he doesn't understand why I'm pissed.

What an ass!!! Sorry, needed to vent here rather than be upset in front of my daughter.

Am I wrong with feeling this way???

MovingUpward posted 9/19/2013 07:03 AM

So are you more upset that it made him late for work or is it the fear of not sure that you can navigate it to use it or check on him?

TrulySad posted 9/19/2013 07:05 AM

It's because I have no idea how to navigate it now and know there will be new ways to hide things. I just looked at the info on it and its a completely new layout.

PrincessPeach06 posted 9/19/2013 07:07 AM

I hate the private browsing option. I even went to advanced settings on safari and don't see the sites browsed under private showing up. I hate it. :/

TrulySad posted 9/19/2013 07:13 AM

I agree! No matter what, with the private settings there is no way to be sure of anything.

I just sent him a text telling him how mad I am over this. And he responded but it came through by his ICloud email rather than his phone number. It makes no sense and its exactly why this is crap.

I think what's making me even more angry is he acts as though he doesn't understand. I just want to end this relationship. I want to give up. If someone is truly wanting to do right, they discuss this kind of thing first.

I hate iPhones and I hate betrayals.

MovingUpward posted 9/19/2013 07:24 AM

The betrays suck and it does appear that there isn't a "let's work as a team" mentality between you two right now. Now luckily many folks have already released videos on the new iOS7 and how to use the new features. You will have to invest in a small amount of time but it shouldn't be too tough. In fact if you search for "iOS7 walkthrough" you will get some great results. So if you want to understand the new iOS you can.

I do hope that you and your H can sit down and establish some ground rules concerning the phone updates in the future.

TrulySad posted 9/19/2013 07:51 AM

Thank you MovingUpward! I do appreciate the info. I will see if I can watch the videos as soon as I have a moment. I hate that all this has caused me to become an expert in areas I have NO interest in. It takes me away from my children, and living.

Lonelygirl10 posted 9/19/2013 08:04 AM

I think he should have talked to you first, but sometimes I swear they just don't think. It shouldn't be too hard to figure out though.

iPhone keeps making it easier to cheat. My wBF told me that the new phone is using fingerprints instead of passwords. Which makes it impossible to check phone without them knowing

TrulySad posted 9/19/2013 08:11 AM

Fingerprints? Wow, these phones just aren't worth it anymore.

How sad

Weatherly posted 9/19/2013 09:09 AM

If it helps any, you can register multiple fingerprints for the new iPhone. My H and I talked about getting them and agreed we'd both register both our sets of prints on them, just because it's silly that he can't pick up my phone and call somebody, while his phone is charging in the bedroom. We've never had any issues with infidelity, but, it just seems like common sense to me.

WoundedOpus posted 9/19/2013 09:29 AM

Safari on the iPhone has always had private browsing, my H had that turned on as the default, then changed it when I pointed out why he was having some issues using particular websites. Glad to hear you can register multiple fingerprints!

Lonelygirl10 posted 9/19/2013 09:36 AM

That makes me happy that you can register more than one fingerprint! Thanks for sharing

SadFlower posted 9/19/2013 09:42 AM

Also, as I understand it, you will be able to register a pass code to use in addition to fingerprints.

Deeply Scared posted 9/19/2013 10:08 AM

Am I wrong with feeling this way???

While I was reading your original post all I could think of was MH would have had a complete fit if I installed something without his knowledge after D-day.

In our case, its not the technology part that would have upset him (because he is so tech savvy)but me doing something like that without considering his feelings first.

I feel WS's really need stop and factor in how certain things/actions/reactions are going to factor in to our BS's. Everything is so fragile after D-day that something we (WS's) may consider innocent our BS's may be knocked to the ground all over again. Trust is non-existint and in order to re-build it feelings must be considered first and foremost.

I hope you two can talk this out tonight

PrincessPeach06 posted 9/19/2013 10:39 AM

I never new safari had that! Either it's just more obvious now or I am a complete idiot! :)

I have no clue about this fingerprint thing, I'm assuming it's for the iPhone 5 C or whatever that thing is called. lol

TrulySad posted 9/19/2013 11:19 AM

Deeply Scared, that's exactly it. I'm floored and so hurt that he never even thought about how I would feel. Nor the work it was going to take for me to figure out yet another software program. I'm already exhausted and running on very few spurts of hope these days. Now this? I just don't know if I have the energy to accept another method of covering up things.

I appreciate all the input regarding the fingerprinting and passwords. Thanks! I learned about the private browser mode a few months ago. WBF claims he never knew about it . There is no way to block it. You can inforce parental controls, but then there is NO access to internet browsing (needed by WBF for his work).

On a side note, I just want to thank you guys for being here today. I needed so badly to do some mom things today, and this made me want dive for the covers and hide. So reading the responses helped immensely. I just wanted to break down and cry. Not in a bad way. But more a way that's a release. I don't feel so damn alone in all this. And as much as I wish I was the only one, it gives me great peace that you all can relate and "get it".

SeanFLA posted 9/19/2013 11:51 AM


I know the feeling. When exWW password protected everything once I discovered her A I freaked out. But from someone who has been through this let me say something. iOS7 isn't your problem here. You shouldn't have to learn that or worry about his phone to begin with. What you need to be worrying about is the fact that he isn't totally transparent with you. And if he isn't then he's not remorseful. So here is what I would say to him...

"Look I understand you have a new software program on your phone which I know little about. It's not my job to spy on you nor will I. It's only contributing to my misery and you need to understand that. If you want to reconcile and be with me you will sit down and show me everything about your phone's functions. If I want to look at I will ask you for it at any time and you will hand it to me without hesitation. If you don't hand it to me I will assume you are still cheating, plain and simple. At that point I will contact an attorney. You are in no position to argue with me about this. These are my boundaries of R."

The phone itself is not your problem. The basis of your WH's actions are your problem. You will save yourself a lot of misery and sleepless nights going right to the base of the problem.

TrulySad posted 9/19/2013 12:12 PM

You're right SeanFLA. It's actually things I've told him too. From the beginning, I've said I wouldn't alter my life to check up after him. I wasn't going to become this crazy woman who was suspicious of everything.

My sad reality is, no matter how much I try to live up to that, my thoughts know better. I've always known if he wanted to hide something, he could. So why waste my time looking.

He sent a text today, telling me how much he hates his phone and wants to get rid of it. Trade it in for a simple flip phone. And while I know he'd do it... I also know how much he loves that dang phone, and I hate him losing something he enjoys so much. Especially when it makes life so much easier.

I think maybe you're right about remorse. I know he is remorseful. But when something like this happens, I question it. And this constant questioning leads to nothing but stress and sadness.

[This message edited by TrulySad at 1:08 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]

Holly-Isis posted 9/19/2013 15:04 PM

This is very much a case of "it's the thought that counts" isn't it? A little bit of discussion and sharing of the new features (which have been on Apple's site for over a month) would have gone a long way towards keeping the peace.

Now I share a piece of good news that I was excited to discover while playing with iOS 7... You can now block calls and texts. My first thought is that some SI BS's will be blessed by that!

When it comes down to it though, it's always the person, not the technology. During 1A, xOw1 bought MrH a secret phone. When he gave it back after d-day, she apparently still paged him (yes, early in the days of cell phonesw hen beepers were still in use). During 2A he re-activated a PDA he had (before smart phones) but didn't tell me. I thought it was simply a PDA with a dead phone function. Then, he apparently couldn't text or missed calls with that or something so he bought another secret cell. Two secret cells for one A during a time I didn't even have an emergency phone because money was supposedly so tight.

This is why the actions of the person mean so much. A WS could be getting another phone and the iOS wouldn't matter, the tech wouldn't matter. Showing, sharing and discussing the features, accountability and ramifications before making major changes would go so far towards rebuilding trust and comfort levels.

TrulySad posted 9/19/2013 15:47 PM

This is very much a case of "it's the thought that counts" isn't it? A little bit of discussion and sharing of the new features (which have been on Apple's site for over a month) would have gone a long way towards keeping the peace.

Very simply said, and yes

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