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Newest Member: Confused4 (61103)

User Topic: Starting to feel the anger boil!
♀ 19234
Member # 19234
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am really starting to get angry and I am not sure how to stop it or what to do with it.

I have been sad and I said that I feel bad thinking he would rather be with pa partner and ea partner over me. He responds and says he is sorry he hurt me,etc

BUT.... I really am getting angry when he says stuff like that. I want him to say he was crazy to ever feel that way. I want him to say the sex with me was better. I want him to say that instead of that he does not feel that way now. It's a subtle but important distinction. And I can't tell him because I want it to come from him. I don't understand why he can't understand that he should say this. Maybe because he does not feel that way.

The pa was sex twice with someone on ashley madison and ea with a team mate from a sports team.

I am just angry now!

Posts: 327 | Registered: Apr 2008
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I completely understand the feeling of wanting it to come from him. I'm exactly the same. On the other hand people aren't mind readers. He very well may feel those feelings and even think he's expressing them, but obviously not in a way that's right for you.

I think you need to talk it over with him. It's so hard (at least for me) but it helps.

I'm sorry you're hurting. :(

Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 1127 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 40144
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am feeling exactly the same way and coping the same way, too. Beginning to see that I need to explain it to him. Just so afraid of what he will say. But also, pondering the thought of a post yesterday, "What am I afraid of knowing? Wouldn't it be better to know now than know later?" Eventually, I need to know.

My problem lies in that many SIers also counsel that it often takes WSs a long time for their thinking to clear and for their feelings to readjust.

My WH had a 2+ year PA/EA. He was very much "in love" with her when he told me he wanted to separate. It was the fallout of Dday that caused him to reconsider (lifted the Fog just a tad). We've been working on R, but months into it he still told me that he was "still emotionally attached to her", "loved both of us", yada yada.

Eventually I NEED to know that he is happy with me. That I am enough. That he doesn't regret staying with me. Yes, I want to hear that he no longer misses her.

He has said some of the right things: "I choose us", "she was a mistake", "what I felt for her was different than what we have", "you are amazing and beautiful"... but the fact that he could make the hurtful comments even after he said the right things, makes me question my sanity and his level of remorse and understanding.

I need to know where he is now, but am afraid to ask. How long to wait?

Like you, I am getting resentful and angry. For exactly the same reasons. Couldn't have said it better myself...

So sorry for your pain. Hope you get the words (and actions) that you need in order to heal.

Me: BS49+ 😝, Him: WH 51
M 24 years - DD21 DS19 DS16
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, S for 1 year, now Reconciling

Posts: 1470 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
Topic Posts: 3

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