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What's up with the gender-based generalizations lately?

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JanaGreen posted 9/19/2013 10:41 AM

It's starting to bum me out. A cheating husband doesn't mean all men are dirty lying horny dogs. A cheating wife doesn't mean that all women are conniving slutty spoiled princesses. Your WS is not a representative example of everyone of a particular gender.

I'm going to post and run because I have an appointment. I don't mean to start a nuclear war. This is intended to be a can't we all get along and support each other regardless of whether we sit down or stand up to pee?

uncertainone posted 9/19/2013 10:54 AM

There are studies that show most opinions are developed with the holder's experience and perception. As facts come along that shake that view they're not just dismissed but not acknowledged at all.

You used to have a tougher time doing that but things are so polarized now it's easy to find support for your view if you google it so sometimes you don't have to plod through all those messy facts that just get soooooo in the way.

If someone actually tells you what they are, they're idiots anyway, obviously. Considering another possible reality, for some, would require surgery.

[This message edited by uncertainone at 10:55 AM, September 19th (Thursday)]

Deeply Scared posted 9/19/2013 10:54 AM

jana...

If you see something then get a mods attention because we may have missed it.

I know of two threads right now, one in D/S and one on General that have some generalizations...one of them isn't mod-worthy the other one we're already taking about in the Mod forum.

ajsmom posted 9/19/2013 11:00 AM

Lots of new, raw folks is my guess.

These types of posts are cyclical. We were just due.

AJ's MOM

JanaGreen posted 9/19/2013 11:12 AM

Lots of new, raw folks is my guess

I think you're right about that, and it's absolutely awful.

I feel like we need a collective group hug for the whole site and a kumba-ya or something.

Stillkicking posted 9/19/2013 11:21 AM

I have been seeing them pop up all over the place as well, some of them very subtle, others not so much.

Either way I try to avoid them and stay out of the middle of defending either way. Male or female everyone makes their own choice and I think I you look closer (and not very hard) you would find a lot of similarities between both genders, how ever I think that a lot of people are deep in their pain and cannot see that at this point in their healing, and I don't blame them, this shit sucks.
I also see a lot of people saying fuck that guy or that girl you should just leave them, an that saddens me as well.

[This message edited by Stillkicking at 11:22 AM, September 19th (Thursday)]

DeadMumWalking posted 9/19/2013 11:34 AM

As facts come along that shake that view they're not just dismissed but not acknowledged at all.

Yeah, don't confuse me with the facts, my mind's already made up.

can't we all get along and support each other regardless of whether we sit down or stand up to pee?

All 3 of my boys pee sitting down, the only one who pees standing up is WH. Or is that tmi??

JanaGreen, I'm with you on the being bummed out about it, but as ajsmom says: we were due.

And mods: thanks for taking charge where it's warranted, you are all GREAT!!

Kierst13 posted 9/19/2013 11:56 AM

It's starting to bum me out. A cheating husband doesn't mean all men are dirty lying horny dogs. A cheating wife doesn't mean that all women are conniving slutty spoiled princesses. Your WS is not a representative example of everyone of a particular gender.

Yes, and I would expand this to include not all OM/OW are as labeled. We have several WS here that are also OM/OW to someone and have bettered themselves.

Jennifer99 posted 9/19/2013 12:46 PM

I wonder if it is a symptom of SI?

I never judged or generalized ANYONE. Struggles with H pre-A for years I kept hearing "this is how guys are" like I am stupid for expecting something different. I started to believe it.

Then the A and I felt like I wanted to hate all men, not sure why.

Because of my poor coping skills around A I went to IC. It was in IC via my therapists questions that I began to realize I had allowed my beliefs to be colored by what H said was normal not what I knew - that everyone is different.

I still find myself suspicious of menz tho. I don't like that.

Simple posted 9/19/2013 12:51 PM

Sometimes we all forget, whether we're men or women or waywards or betrayed, we're all people. Each one with their own demons to face.

I think if you come from that POV, it changes a lot of things. In my case, helped me see my FWH in a different light. I was lucky in such that I know good men and women and therefore never felt I should lump them with the "bad" ones. Heck even the "bad" ones has good quality in them. I just have to remind myself I can't fix them.

MissesJai posted 9/19/2013 12:57 PM

There are studies that show most opinions are developed with the holder's experience and perception. As facts come along that shake that view they're not just dismissed but not acknowledged at all.
IMO, this is the driver and it's not just SI, either. Sad, but true.

JanaGreen posted 9/19/2013 13:05 PM

There are studies that show most opinions are developed with the holder's experience and perception. As facts come along that shake that view they're not just dismissed but not acknowledged at all.

There's a term for this - is it perception bias? Something like that. I have a family member like this, but it's regarding a topic that will get me booted off SI so I won't elaborate.

aesir posted 9/19/2013 13:07 PM

I feel like we need a collective group hug for the whole site and a kumba-ya or something.
Trouble is, today's group hug misses tomorrows new member (and possibly even yesterdays as they try to post their own story through the tears). Within a little over a week we have a hundred new members who didn't get that hug, and need to hear all the same things we have been repeating for what seems like forever. I don't think you are supposed to know how to deal with this shit.

I have noticed over the years that the conventional wisdom dispensed to common issues has evolved and become much better. I don't see people suggesting the 180 over how the toilet paper hangs anymore (exaggeration), and when a thread about domestic violence against a WH comes up we have lost the "you go girl" chorus.

It's all a work in progress that none of us will live long enough to finish.

soconfusednow posted 9/19/2013 13:12 PM

I also see a lot of people saying fuck that guy or that girl you should just leave them, an that saddens me as well.

I also am turned off be this. I want to find a way to save my marriage not end it. I wish there was a "positive response only forum" that people could post/go to for encouragement. But then again, sometimes I feel like I'm pulling the wool over my eyes. If no negative responses were allowed it could prevent someone from telling me something I really need to hear.

JanaGreen posted 9/19/2013 13:17 PM

If no negative responses were allowed it could prevent someone from telling me something I really need to hear.

I've heard a lot of things on SI that I didn't want to hear, but I really needed to.

((HUGS))

Missymomma posted 9/19/2013 14:50 PM

Weird, I have been noticing this too. Both in single threads and by individual posters. Men are all just _______ or women are all just _______. Sad that some people totally ignore any alternate input.

sullymeishadomi posted 9/19/2013 17:34 PM

I wonder if there could be an introduction for the newbies. One that lets them know in time xyz will happen...why not paint everyone the same color etc.. something that will give tbe newbie (bs, ws, ap) the knowledge that things do get better or easier or whatever and they have choices in life.

Maybe someone can better explain what im poorly trying to say.

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