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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: Just wondering
AlwaysBeenStrong
♀ 39888
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since he has left, he refuses to let me know where he is staying, originally he was to stay with his mother, and now no one knows where he is living. Now, here's the story. He has agreed to pay the bills while I am in school. How can someone who can't pay these bills live rent free somewhere else???

He won't call me...the only half assed conversations we have are VIA texting only. And all of a sudden he's hinting towards not paying things.

Is it too much to ask for some security, when I am drowning in insecurities because of his selfish ways??


BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 125 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This man is no longer your friend. He is not going to take care of you or protect you. He does not have your best interests at heart.

He is showing you by his actions that the only one he cares about is himself.

I don't know your story, but I would bet the only reason he would not want anyone to know where he is living, is he is either living with the OW, or is somewhere where the OW is allowed to visit.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3564 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
StillLivin
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you have a good attorney and have hired a PI to get his address so if he needs to be served, you know where he is.
Sparkysable is right. He is NOT your friend, protector, nor hero anymore.
My STBXH was making all kinds of promises. Hell he even carried through in the beginning.
No matter, I still filed for LS and had him served the day after he came back from Afghanistan.
Now, everything is MY fault, the D, our broken M, his A, blah blah blah.
I don't listen. I 180d his butt, and I NC unless it is direly necessary.....hasn't been for a while.
Take care of yourself first. Get that lawyer. Then at least you won't be financially messed over when he screws with your mind. Too many people end up destitute.
BTW, my H used to be the sweetest, most generous man in the world. It sucks, it really does.
Hugs and best of luck.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2556 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This man is no longer your friend. He is not going to take care of you or protect you. He does not have your best interests at heart.

^^THIS. The sooner you realise that he won't do anything unless compelled to do so by the law he just won't do it. There are arsholes here who still don't do it when compelled to do so by law.

I found this part the most shocking. The betrayals beyond infidelity were what helped me get to D.O.N.E. but they hurt like hell. Prior to that I saw the cheating as a failure in an otherwise decent human being.

Yes he cheated but he was decent. He wouldn't do THAT <<insert the opposite of whatever agreement we made>> to me. No - not to me. But he did. He did not honour a single agreement we made.

My new mantra: "Don't expect in S/D what you didn't get in your M".


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5734 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Ashland13
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perv did this also. He went into hiding while responsible for overdue bills and would not respond to inquires for a long time.

People actually thought he had died, but he was in hiding trying to figure out how to end his marriage.

It took some time for me, but I was in the same way of thinking as you. Your WH has moved on in his life and you are, unfortunately, left to fend for yourself. what I learned the hard way was that communicating with him directly would get me absolutely nowhere.

What I and some fellow local BS did was to contact places like utility companies where bills would be pending and tell the situation. As well, we asked for documentation from each for what our rights were and also we asked for things like minimum balances due.

Another thing we did was to change things like bank accounts to take the WH name off it because we didn't know the frame of mind or what they would do next. Anything shared, we made single, for security's sake.

It's time to look out for #1, you, first and foremost. It also helped keep busy, buy calling the businesses and it helped me feel more in control of a hard situation. Also, for the business, they backed off if things were late and knew someone was trying to work on it.

I'm sorry...security isn't to be had when this happens, but we can get it back with action.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2424 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
AlwaysBeenStrong
♀ 39888
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks ladies. He just swore up and down these bills will be taken care of...it is his mother's house. Claimed his rent isn't much...blah blah blah.


BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 125 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
Topic Posts: 6

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