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AlwaysBeenStrong posted 9/19/2013 10:49 AM

Since he has left, he refuses to let me know where he is staying, originally he was to stay with his mother, and now no one knows where he is living. Now, here's the story. He has agreed to pay the bills while I am in school. How can someone who can't pay these bills live rent free somewhere else???

He won't call me...the only half assed conversations we have are VIA texting only. And all of a sudden he's hinting towards not paying things.

Is it too much to ask for some security, when I am drowning in insecurities because of his selfish ways??

sparkysable posted 9/19/2013 12:09 PM

This man is no longer your friend. He is not going to take care of you or protect you. He does not have your best interests at heart.

He is showing you by his actions that the only one he cares about is himself.

I don't know your story, but I would bet the only reason he would not want anyone to know where he is living, is he is either living with the OW, or is somewhere where the OW is allowed to visit.

StillLivin posted 9/19/2013 14:01 PM

I hope you have a good attorney and have hired a PI to get his address so if he needs to be served, you know where he is.
Sparkysable is right. He is NOT your friend, protector, nor hero anymore.
My STBXH was making all kinds of promises. Hell he even carried through in the beginning.
No matter, I still filed for LS and had him served the day after he came back from Afghanistan.
Now, everything is MY fault, the D, our broken M, his A, blah blah blah.
I don't listen. I 180d his butt, and I NC unless it is direly necessary.....hasn't been for a while.
Take care of yourself first. Get that lawyer. Then at least you won't be financially messed over when he screws with your mind. Too many people end up destitute.
BTW, my H used to be the sweetest, most generous man in the world. It sucks, it really does.
Hugs and best of luck.

SBB posted 9/19/2013 16:15 PM

This man is no longer your friend. He is not going to take care of you or protect you. He does not have your best interests at heart.

^^THIS. The sooner you realise that he won't do anything unless compelled to do so by the law he just won't do it. There are arsholes here who still don't do it when compelled to do so by law.

I found this part the most shocking. The betrayals beyond infidelity were what helped me get to D.O.N.E. but they hurt like hell. Prior to that I saw the cheating as a failure in an otherwise decent human being.

Yes he cheated but he was decent. He wouldn't do THAT <<insert the opposite of whatever agreement we made>> to me. No - not to me. But he did. He did not honour a single agreement we made.

My new mantra: "Don't expect in S/D what you didn't get in your M".

Ashland13 posted 9/19/2013 16:51 PM

Perv did this also. He went into hiding while responsible for overdue bills and would not respond to inquires for a long time.

People actually thought he had died, but he was in hiding trying to figure out how to end his marriage.

It took some time for me, but I was in the same way of thinking as you. Your WH has moved on in his life and you are, unfortunately, left to fend for yourself. what I learned the hard way was that communicating with him directly would get me absolutely nowhere.

What I and some fellow local BS did was to contact places like utility companies where bills would be pending and tell the situation. As well, we asked for documentation from each for what our rights were and also we asked for things like minimum balances due.

Another thing we did was to change things like bank accounts to take the WH name off it because we didn't know the frame of mind or what they would do next. Anything shared, we made single, for security's sake.

It's time to look out for #1, you, first and foremost. It also helped keep busy, buy calling the businesses and it helped me feel more in control of a hard situation. Also, for the business, they backed off if things were late and knew someone was trying to work on it.

I'm sorry...security isn't to be had when this happens, but we can get it back with action.

AlwaysBeenStrong posted 9/19/2013 17:29 PM

Thanks ladies. He just swore up and down these bills will be taken care of...it is his mother's house. Claimed his rent isn't much...blah blah blah.

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