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Last night, the night before our divorce hearing I get some texts from Ex. What does a narc do on the night before his divorce hearing? Contemplate his role in the demise of the marriage? Write a heartfelt apology for cheating in hopes that he and his stbx could begin on the road to friendship?

Or maybe send this:

"Our marriage ended because we somehow could not communicate. I told you how I felt and you did not acknowledge that."
*Somehow* we couldn't communicate effectively while he cheated. Where is Unsolved Mysteries when you need them?

"I loved you and I still do, just not in an intimate way anymore."
Apparently ignoring the hell out of him and refusing to be in the same room implies that I do have intimate feelings? Is loathing considered intimate?

"Where was the integrity with you treating me like I cheated on you two months before I ever had sex with her??"
One for the "Stupid Shit they said" list. I refuse to point out reality to him as he works VERY hard to avoid it at all costs but I will clarify here. 2 months before he admitted to sleeping with her he lied to me about knowing her. I found out he texted her day and night for the month prior and he claimed he didn't know whose number it was until it became clear that I was not braindead and that answer wasn't going to work. AND Mr. Integrity admitted to KISSING her at work. My lack of integrity and not the facts apparently made me jump to the conclusion that he was in an EA. Silly me.

Oops forgot another gem..."I have apologized. I can't apologize to you every single day until you are satisfied."
I wonder how those apologies went in his mind because that is the only place they happened. The closest thing I got to an apology was "I'm sorry I wasn't a perfect husband." Or maybe he meant "It wasn't my intentions to hurt you. I'm sorry, but you (insert what I did to deserve being hurt)"

With apologies like that I must be one unreasonable and unforgiving bitch to feel the way I do about him.

This afternoon, this narcissist POS is *OFFICIALLY* my ex-husband! He is circling the drain like a giant turd does but it's going down!

[This message edited by Housefulloflove at 11:44 AM, September 19th (Thursday)]

This afternoon, this narcissist POS is *OFFICIALLY* my ex-husband! He is circling the drain like a giant turd does but it's going down! YAY!! I am so happy for you!! He is such a gigantic turd that he WILL plug up the toilet so go the other way and RUN! Run with your bad-ass self and start your new beginning!! (...I'm trying so hard to not be jealous... )

This afternoon, this narcissist POS is *OFFICIALLY* my ex-husband! He is circling the drain like a giant turd does but it's going down!

I just spewed hot coffee at my screen.
That is quite possibly the funniest thing I've read all day. Circling the drain...

Congrats dmari!!!

Housefulloflove, I completely understand. XWH has said multiple times "We both own our part in our marriage problems." AYFKM? He constantly adored me and told me how much he loved me, while he was lying and fucking around. Uhhh yeah, I should own that.

These asshats will never take responsibility for their actions. Congratulations on being done with him! I'm sending you a virtual 'cheers'.

Housefulloflove,
We were married to the same man. MFing bigamist piece of sh!%.
Ahggggg, how can so many men behave the same way.
Mine was adoring all the way up until I came home. I found out just before I was supposed to go grocery shopping to make him a special meal he had requested.
Instead I came home asking questions that he for a hot second tried to deflect.
He bragged about me to his family and friends on what a fantastic wife and stepmother I was to him and his kids.
Now he tries to tell them how emotionally abusive I was and how unhappy he was for years.
Simple stated it quite well, they are all F'ing idiots...simple.
Congratulations on starting a new and better life.

Oh god, owning both of our roles in the marriage falling apart...sigh...I love that. Really now, if they gave enough of a shit about the "marriage" or hell, their children's futures, they would, oh I don't know, TALK about the issues maybe! Seek counseling maybe? Or, let's not get silly here, but be HONEST while in counseling so actual progress might be made! I heard the, "you shouldn't blame her for ruining the marriage. Our marriage was struggling before she came along" yeah, asswipe, I'm aware! I was the one trying to talk about our issues and asked numerous times to get marriage counseling! and I blame HIM for our marriage not surviving, not her...but I DO blame her for knowingly getting involved with a married man...and staying present in his life even after being told we were doing counseling and to leave us alone....they wanted to stay friends...yeah, great friend you have there

Love the turd story....awesome.

Congrats to you. I am happy for you that you are getting him out of your life and trying to move on. That will be me someday. I am just in the early parts of this hell, but you give me hope!!

I have a Mr. Integrity too! Imagine that!

Amazing how history rewrites itself for their convenience. My STBXWH was disappointed that I gave up on our marriage so quickly after D-Day. I told him it was two years longer than he tried. He gave up on our marriage when he went outside of it to fulfill his 'need.'

So glad you're coming out the other side.

Thanks guys!

It's all done. This is my first night as the ex wife of "Mr. Integrity"/Mr. Good Guy or more accurately that evil POS I used to know (well, *thought* I knew.)

Definitely bitter sweet. I'm happy to no longer be legally tied to him as he is so unstable and makes absolutely HORRIBLE decisions in every area of his life. That's pretty much the only change between yesterday and today, but the finality of this probably hasn't really sunken in yet.

[This message edited by Housefulloflove at 7:00 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]