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Who's telling the truth?

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changedforlife posted 9/19/2013 11:39 AM

I received a facebook message from the OW a couple of days ago but didn't find it until today. I have her blocked but she sent it from a fake account. In it is a screen shot of her phone with a text message from an alias that she claims is my WH. The text is very benign so there is no way to know if it was him or not.

She says in the message that WH "continues to reach out as I said in that email. He just creates a new alias. He sent me a text yesterday. For which I have no interest in responding. Need I say more? But I am sure you two have a perfectly loving, happy, honest relationship. Does the "no contact" rule still apply?"

I am devastated. I don't know what to do. If(when) he denies it, I have no proof for sure one way or the other.

What do I do?

callmecrazy posted 9/19/2013 11:55 AM

Im sorry you are going through this. Do you have access to all of his electronics and phone bills? Do you think he has a hidden phone? Her words are that of someone who is not doing this to simply let you know, it sounds as though she wanted to hurt you and resurface your pain. Has she been this way before?

I think you should definately be on the look out.

Kierst13 posted 9/19/2013 12:00 PM

The message she sent you reads as though from a woman scorned, unfortunately your WS has not only several but very recent broken NC.

I wouldn't trust my WS and I wouldn't confront until I had more proof. I would start searching for a hidden phone and get a VAR.

changedforlife posted 9/19/2013 12:04 PM

I do not have full access to everything because most of his electronics are through work. I can look on them but I don't have access to phone bills.

She is definitely someone who wants to hurt me. The email she is talking about is one she sent the day before my birthday and she blamed me for the end of her marriage along with a lot of other stuff.

How am I supposed to be on the lookout? Everything can be hidden.

Kierst13 posted 9/19/2013 12:09 PM

How am I supposed to be on the lookout? Everything can be hidden.

Yes, everything can be hidden. I have learned that the hard way. He taught me that to the point I no longer snoop, I simply assume he is up to no good.

changedforlife posted 9/19/2013 12:12 PM

Kierst13 - I posted at the same time as you. I don't think a VAR or GPS will help me. Most of the communication has been through texting or Skype or other apps. And the OW lives on the other side of the country so he is not going to see her.

He has had a lot of broken NC and sadly this has been the longest he has gone - 2 months, if this in fact was him.

I just don't know how to get more proof. He knows all the tricks and I don't. I cannot monitor him 24/7. I HATE THIS!

Kierst13 posted 9/19/2013 12:16 PM

If you can't track him using those or a keylogger you have to decide if his (hopefully) 2 month NC is enough for you to trust he would never do it again. You have to choose to believe Liar #1 or Liar #2.

I am very sorry; I think this is the shit sandwich so many refer to here. It is so unfair.

changedforlife posted 9/19/2013 12:43 PM

Well, I may be making a mistake but I just called my WH and told him to come home and bring his laptop and phone. Of course, he will know that something is up now.

changedforlife posted 9/19/2013 14:21 PM

Can someone tell me what the numbers at the top of a text message screenshot mean? I think it is from an iphone. There are 3digits in ( ) and 3 more digits and a - then 2 more?

Morhurt posted 9/19/2013 14:53 PM

I would say it's the phone number, though it sounds like an odd one. The only odd phone #s I have coming in are from my service provider. All others are (###) ###-####
Can you try texting or calling it? Or google the number.

[This message edited by Morhurt at 2:54 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]

Holly-Isis posted 9/19/2013 15:12 PM

I would suggest that he should come up with a way to help you feel more secure, such as handing you his gadgets and letting you delete what he needs deleted. Signing a post-nup or somehow creating a legally binding situation for himself. He needs to be proactive in helping you rebuild trust in your M.

IMO he damn well better not be angry or frustrated because he brought this on himself.

As for OW...there are sites that can fake text conversations. Some of those funny autocorrect snapshots are really created on the sites rather than truly happening.

Really it could go either way and I don't envy the dilemma you're in right now.

julesinpain posted 9/19/2013 15:13 PM

My kids will send my text messages from their ipods at times and it comes in weird numbers all the time. It also shows up on the phone bill weird. It is not like a phone number and always changes.

Not saying this is what this is, but could she have texted it to herself from her ipod or someones ipod to make you think he is still texting her? Just a thought.

Gr8Lady posted 9/19/2013 16:30 PM

I wouldn't rule anything out. Truth is stranger than fiction, and believe me I have heard it all. Years ago former ow that WH denied was ow and in his words trying to cause trouble. Finally ad,tilted after all these years she was ow. She was trying to clue me in but I believed his lying ass

Dreamboat posted 9/19/2013 16:47 PM

What does your gut tell you? THAT is the only proof you need!

He has repeatedly disrespected you by breaking NC. What makes you think he is not still disrespecting you?

I am not saying that you should trust OW because many OW's are notorious liars and vengeful on top of that.

What I am saying is trust YOURSELF. What you would you do if you DID have irrefutable proof that he sent that text? Ask yourself that and then assume that he DID indeed break NC yet again and proceed.

My X did not admit to 1/100th of what I know to be true and I did not have irrefutable proof to most of it. But I know what I know. And there came a point where I said "Enough of this bullshit! Enough of the lies and deceptions and denials. Enough of me wondering if he is really telling the truth or not. I WILL NOT be disrespected like this anymore." I reached my breaking point and I took action without any more confronting. Because by that point, me confronting him had become a game to him and it changed absolutely nothing. I reached my breaking point.

Are you at your breaking point yet? And if not, what would you do if he did break NC YET again? You do not have to answer me, just ask yourself those tough questions and mull over the answers.

I know this is hard. Living in a place of uncertainty made me crazy. Accepting that my X would continue to disrespect me for as long as I allowed it was very very difficult. I hope that your WH did not break NC and that he is remorseful and that he will do what you need to allow you to trust him again. But at almost 8 months since dday you need to ask yourself, what if he can't or won't?

(((hugs)))

[This message edited by Dreamboat at 4:47 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]

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