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She talks like we're friends

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surprise posted 9/19/2013 11:52 AM

Well Ive just finished chatting to my kids on the phone, as the phone was being passed between them STBXW tried talking to me asking how I'm doing and what I've been upto like we are supposed to be friends?
I know I have to get along with her but how dare she act like I should be ok with everything

SeanFLA posted 9/19/2013 11:58 AM

I know mine tried the same thing! LOL I was like.."Really?'

I didn't respond, only kept it business-like and hung up as fast as possible. I think it's their way of trying to pretend like nothing that bad ever happened. After a few months of how I reciprocated she stopped with it and realized I want nothing to do with her. HE also tried this via emails. Then once my son got his own cell phone (with texting) I didn't have to call her to talk to him. Was much better.

5454real posted 9/19/2013 11:58 AM

Um, to be blunt, you're supposed to be over it by now. wayward thinking is at best egocentric. if she's happy, you should be also.

reality paints a whole different picture, but how dare reality intrude on the world of rainbows and unicorns.

strength

Housefulloflove posted 9/19/2013 12:01 PM

She's probably doing that to feel better about herself. If she can get you to act like you are friends she can feel like what she did wasn't so bad and you're "over it".

When my ex and I first split he tried something similar. After talking to the kids he would tell the last one to give me the phone and would try to chit chat like nothing happened. That level of delusion is crazy-making.

So after the last kid talked and would bring me the phone I would hang it up. Maybe after speaking to the last child and say goodbye you could immediately hang up. After saying "hello" to a dead a line a few times, she should probably get the hint.

sparkysable posted 9/19/2013 12:05 PM

She's probably doing that to feel better about herself. If she can get you to act like you are friends she can feel like what she did wasn't so bad and you're "over it".
This is exactly it!

surprise posted 9/19/2013 12:06 PM

Um, to be blunt, you're supposed to be over it by now. wayward thinking is at best egocentric. if she's happy, you should be also

she screwed a guy 15 years younger than her in my spare room thinking I was asleep 8 weeks ago and has now taken my kids 5 hours away and planning on living with him?
You're right though I should be over it by now.

StillLivin posted 9/19/2013 13:19 PM

Mine tried to do that. Let's just say my face is very expressive. It said lound and clearly, "You are a complete F'ing idiot and I'm NOT NOT NOT doing this nonsense with your dirty a$@ no more. You are dirty, entitled, disgusting, selfish, and spoiled acting! Get the F away from me while you still have your nuts intact cuz crazy is just below the surface right now. YOU DO NOT WANT TO SCRATCH TOO DEEP RIGHT NOW!"
He got real pale when I gave him that "look". He backed away without turning his back on me!

kg201 posted 9/19/2013 15:19 PM

Likewise with my wife. She stated that even if I didn't want to be she still feels that we are connected. She also added that my posting on-line about our communications is taking a "scorched earth" approach towards her and is bad for me and the kids. This was my response.

Well, I'm sorry that you feel that me protecting myself emotionally from your abuse is considered "scorched earth". I am not sure what you are so ticked off about. In the last 6 weeks the only thing that I have done is have a natural reaction of sadness and anger to:

1. finding out that my wife has been sleeping with another man for the last 3.5 years

2. finding out that my wife has been lying to me for 3.5 years

3. having every shared experience we have had over the last 3.5+ years put into question

4. having my contact with my children cut in half

5. having my children experience sadness and anger because of my wife's choices

6. having my wife choose her affair partner over me, and having her continue to flaunt this relationship in front of me

7. having my wife ignore the trauma she has caused me, and not provide the support to me that I thought our relationship was based on.

8. losing a role of care-taker to my sick wife, that has been an important part of my life for 9 years

9. losing the security of being in my own home on a consistent basis.

10. losing respect for a women that I have deeply cared about and respected for almost 2 decades.


And there are probably a few more items I could add. So I apologize if my grief over these items has been causing you a problem. But I am not interested in being friends with someone who has caused me such hurt and continues to do so. That is not what friends do.

[This message edited by kg201 at 3:28 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]

Ashland13 posted 9/19/2013 16:24 PM

For me, this is kind of like rug sweeping or denial. And I agree with the post that they can think a BS is over what happened by being "friends". Perv is telling people he wishes to be my "friend".

How do you be "friends" with someone who did all that he did and knowingly set out to ruin your life?

He is changing his tune a little in last months also, saying for a problem, "call me!" When he left, he yelled at me, "never, ever, ever pick up the phone when I call DD." I guess it was because he couldn't pretend if he heard my pain.

Never will I call that man!

What's that saying? With "friends" like that, I don't need enemies!

kenny55 posted 9/19/2013 17:23 PM

Have you talked with a lawyer? You have rights also. They are your kids too. She can't just pack them up and leave w/o the Courts okay unless you do nothing.

sunsetslost posted 9/19/2013 20:36 PM

Mines been reaching out too. She opens with business. Then tries to initiate conversation. All via text or email. I haven't seen nor spoken to her in 5 weeks. I answer the business part then say, "I'm at peace". That's it.

SisterMilkshake posted 9/19/2013 20:58 PM

Um, to be blunt, you're supposed to be over it by now. wayward thinking is at best egocentric. if she's happy, you should be also
surprise, I feel 5454real was speaking in your WW's voice and being sarcastic, also. (((surprise)))

There is no fucking way any of us here feel that you "should be over it by now"!

Iamacrab posted 9/19/2013 21:03 PM

WH does that too.
Just today "how are you? Everything ok?" in the morning.
I didn't reply.
"Are you alive?" in the afternoon.

I finally said "yes, I'm fine"

"Well we had a meeting today" in the evening.
And then tells me about it, even though I didn't ask. Then asks me about my yrly review and says he hopes it goes well, even though I say nothing.

Yep, WH, everything is okay.

I'm living in one room, w none of my own things save for minimal clothes in a portable fabric closet to pay off MARITAL debt, that you're not paying (to be paid off at year end 2013 if all goes well -yay!), and save money in case something goes wrong in the house I loved and was so proud of that I had to leave bc of your A.
And paying for you to be free of me, cannot forget that part, since you "love me, but don't feel that extra love that you should feel" like you feel you partially realized bc of her.
So please, feel better about yourself, knowing that I'm okay.

(As I side note, I know I am so far more fortunate than some re my situation, and I am so thankful for that, I'm just rant filled tonight, please excuse me)

5454real posted 9/19/2013 21:35 PM

Surprise, my deepest apologies for intensifying your pain. I was attempting to illustrate her complete ignorance of the pain she has caused or her complete lack of lack of empathy for either you or your kids.

How detached from reality must she be to expect to be able to talk to you like a friend.

My sarcasm was not clearly defined. I sometimes sit back in stunned disbelief at the utter lack of compassion some of these WS's display.

Again, apologies

kernel posted 9/19/2013 21:36 PM

She's probably doing that to feel better about herself. If she can get you to act like you are friends she can feel like what she did wasn't so bad and you're "over it".

THIS. My X did the same thing. I have repeatedly told him WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. He finally quit trying to pretend we were. No doubt he is busy telling people how bitter I am since I won't be friends and how right he was to leave. What the fuck ever, cowardly fuck weasel. You do not have to play in to their bullshit. You can co-parent without participating in their fantasy.

ruinedandbroken posted 9/19/2013 21:44 PM

They are so beyond stupid. Mine never tried to be friends per se, but once in awhile he'll text a pic of the kids or something. He gave me a birthday card that said, "Hope you have a great day." Sure! Every day has been a fucking picnic since you walked out and made me a single mother! Hope you walk out into busy traffic asshole!

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