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Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

User Topic: She talks like we're friends
surprise
♂ 40680
Member # 40680
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well Ive just finished chatting to my kids on the phone, as the phone was being passed between them STBXW tried talking to me asking how I'm doing and what I've been upto like we are supposed to be friends?
I know I have to get along with her but how dare she act like I should be ok with everything

Posts: 18 | Registered: Sep 2013
SeanFLA
♂ 32380
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know mine tried the same thing! LOL I was like.."Really?'

I didn't respond, only kept it business-like and hung up as fast as possible. I think it's their way of trying to pretend like nothing that bad ever happened. After a few months of how I reciprocated she stopped with it and realized I want nothing to do with her. HE also tried this via emails. Then once my son got his own cell phone (with texting) I didn't have to call her to talk to him. Was much better.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1472 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
5454real
♂ 37455
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um, to be blunt, you're supposed to be over it by now. wayward thinking is at best egocentric. if she's happy, you should be also.

reality paints a whole different picture, but how dare reality intrude on the world of rainbows and unicorns.

strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3172 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Housefulloflove
♀ 38458
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's probably doing that to feel better about herself. If she can get you to act like you are friends she can feel like what she did wasn't so bad and you're "over it".

When my ex and I first split he tried something similar. After talking to the kids he would tell the last one to give me the phone and would try to chit chat like nothing happened. That level of delusion is crazy-making.

So after the last kid talked and would bring me the phone I would hang it up. Maybe after speaking to the last child and say goodbye you could immediately hang up. After saying "hello" to a dead a line a few times, she should probably get the hint.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's probably doing that to feel better about herself. If she can get you to act like you are friends she can feel like what she did wasn't so bad and you're "over it".
This is exactly it!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3491 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
surprise
♂ 40680
Member # 40680
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um, to be blunt, you're supposed to be over it by now. wayward thinking is at best egocentric. if she's happy, you should be also

she screwed a guy 15 years younger than her in my spare room thinking I was asleep 8 weeks ago and has now taken my kids 5 hours away and planning on living with him?
You're right though I should be over it by now.

Posts: 18 | Registered: Sep 2013
StillLivin
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine tried to do that. Let's just say my face is very expressive. It said lound and clearly, "You are a complete F'ing idiot and I'm NOT NOT NOT doing this nonsense with your dirty a$@ no more. You are dirty, entitled, disgusting, selfish, and spoiled acting! Get the F away from me while you still have your nuts intact cuz crazy is just below the surface right now. YOU DO NOT WANT TO SCRATCH TOO DEEP RIGHT NOW!"
He got real pale when I gave him that "look". He backed away without turning his back on me!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2501 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
kg201
♂ 40173
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Likewise with my wife. She stated that even if I didn't want to be she still feels that we are connected. She also added that my posting on-line about our communications is taking a "scorched earth" approach towards her and is bad for me and the kids. This was my response.

Well, I'm sorry that you feel that me protecting myself emotionally from your abuse is considered "scorched earth". I am not sure what you are so ticked off about. In the last 6 weeks the only thing that I have done is have a natural reaction of sadness and anger to:

1. finding out that my wife has been sleeping with another man for the last 3.5 years

2. finding out that my wife has been lying to me for 3.5 years

3. having every shared experience we have had over the last 3.5+ years put into question

4. having my contact with my children cut in half

5. having my children experience sadness and anger because of my wife's choices

6. having my wife choose her affair partner over me, and having her continue to flaunt this relationship in front of me

7. having my wife ignore the trauma she has caused me, and not provide the support to me that I thought our relationship was based on.

8. losing a role of care-taker to my sick wife, that has been an important part of my life for 9 years

9. losing the security of being in my own home on a consistent basis.

10. losing respect for a women that I have deeply cared about and respected for almost 2 decades.


And there are probably a few more items I could add. So I apologize if my grief over these items has been causing you a problem. But I am not interested in being friends with someone who has caused me such hurt and continues to do so. That is not what friends do.

[This message edited by kg201 at 3:28 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 773 | Registered: Aug 2013
Ashland13
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, this is kind of like rug sweeping or denial. And I agree with the post that they can think a BS is over what happened by being "friends". Perv is telling people he wishes to be my "friend".

How do you be "friends" with someone who did all that he did and knowingly set out to ruin your life?

He is changing his tune a little in last months also, saying for a problem, "call me!" When he left, he yelled at me, "never, ever, ever pick up the phone when I call DD." I guess it was because he couldn't pretend if he heard my pain.

Never will I call that man!

What's that saying? With "friends" like that, I don't need enemies!


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2366 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
kenny55
♂ 23014
Member # 23014
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you talked with a lawyer? You have rights also. They are your kids too. She can't just pack them up and leave w/o the Courts okay unless you do nothing.

Posts: 475 | Registered: Feb 2009
sunsetslost
♂ 39885
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mines been reaching out too. She opens with business. Then tries to initiate conversation. All via text or email. I haven't seen nor spoken to her in 5 weeks. I answer the business part then say, "I'm at peace". That's it.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 780 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
SisterMilkshake
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um, to be blunt, you're supposed to be over it by now. wayward thinking is at best egocentric. if she's happy, you should be also
surprise, I feel 5454real was speaking in your WW's voice and being sarcastic, also. (((surprise)))

There is no fucking way any of us here feel that you "should be over it by now"!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Iamacrab
40410
Member # 40410
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH does that too.
Just today "how are you? Everything ok?" in the morning.
I didn't reply.
"Are you alive?" in the afternoon.

I finally said "yes, I'm fine"

"Well we had a meeting today" in the evening.
And then tells me about it, even though I didn't ask. Then asks me about my yrly review and says he hopes it goes well, even though I say nothing.

Yep, WH, everything is okay.

I'm living in one room, w none of my own things save for minimal clothes in a portable fabric closet to pay off MARITAL debt, that you're not paying (to be paid off at year end 2013 if all goes well -yay!), and save money in case something goes wrong in the house I loved and was so proud of that I had to leave bc of your A.
And paying for you to be free of me, cannot forget that part, since you "love me, but don't feel that extra love that you should feel" like you feel you partially realized bc of her.
So please, feel better about yourself, knowing that I'm okay.

(As I side note, I know I am so far more fortunate than some re my situation, and I am so thankful for that, I'm just rant filled tonight, please excuse me)


Posts: 103 | Registered: Aug 2013
5454real
♂ 37455
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Surprise, my deepest apologies for intensifying your pain. I was attempting to illustrate her complete ignorance of the pain she has caused or her complete lack of lack of empathy for either you or your kids.

How detached from reality must she be to expect to be able to talk to you like a friend.

My sarcasm was not clearly defined. I sometimes sit back in stunned disbelief at the utter lack of compassion some of these WS's display.

Again, apologies


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3172 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
kernel
♀ 27035
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's probably doing that to feel better about herself. If she can get you to act like you are friends she can feel like what she did wasn't so bad and you're "over it".

THIS. My X did the same thing. I have repeatedly told him WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. He finally quit trying to pretend we were. No doubt he is busy telling people how bitter I am since I won't be friends and how right he was to leave. What the fuck ever, cowardly fuck weasel. You do not have to play in to their bullshit. You can co-parent without participating in their fantasy.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5336 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
ruinedandbroken
♀ 29250
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They are so beyond stupid. Mine never tried to be friends per se, but once in awhile he'll text a pic of the kids or something. He gave me a birthday card that said, "Hope you have a great day." Sure! Every day has been a fucking picnic since you walked out and made me a single mother! Hope you walk out into busy traffic asshole!


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 16

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