Now that the damage control effort is winding down and I am getting a better picture of my marraige and whether it is worth saving, I am seeing all the resentments I had been holding and I am dealing with so many new resentments.
I resent that he had the affair.
I resent that he chose my friend to do it with.
I resent that he got the opportunity to feel "wanted"
I resent that he got to have his cake and eat it too.
I resent that if we reconcile he gets off scot free.
I resent that to keep him I will have to give him what he was getting from his AP.
I resent that I've given up a lot so I didn't disturb him at work because work was so important up him and yet he was able to text and call and sleep with AP while he was at work.
I resent that AP was more important than not just me but his family.
And those are just post affair resentments. Pre affair.
I resented that he didn't listen to me when I asked for things I needed.
I resented that he thought my raising our children was somehow rejecting him.
I resented having to keep everything together and have responsibility for 3 human beings while he only had to be responsible for himself.
I resented that he was so self centered and me focused. That everything was all about him.
I resented silly things like him being able to say "hey I'm going golfing this afternoon". without having to concern himself about anyone else.
I resented that if I wanted to do something I needed to either beg him to take care if the kids, find someone else to or take them with me.
I resented that he thought his divorced friends had the life of Riley. Kids only every other week and the rest of the time to devote to their girlfriends and golf.
So many resentments. So little resolution. We're trying to work through some of this in MC but I know I probably should be in IC too but with MC, IC for WH, IC for our son, and no mental health coverage we are coming to our limit financially.
So I'm here instead.
Oh wise ones- what advice have ye on letting go or getting past resentment.