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StillLivin posted 9/19/2013 19:11 PM

While mediating the D terms, I didn't agree with several key financial issues.
My STBXH tells me that I am just angry, vindictive, and bitter because "You are just mad that you aren't getting your way!"
Some of those key financial issues: we bought a house 2 years ago. It was the house that he wanted, not me. He dragged me to this crappy desert from my beautiful island. He made me give up my career so I could take better care of him.
He has been having his ongoing affair for 3+ years.
And now that he and Shrek have this beautiful overpriced and rented love nest, he feels that paying his half of the mortgage is unreasonable.
He made all these damands knowing he wasn't happy in the marriage. WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW!!!!!
My attorney, the law, and the Mormon judge presiding over our covenant marriage don't seem to think I'm being unreasonable at all.
He cannot admit he is wrong, so therefore, I must be mad because I'm not getting my way. All this after I begged him to please reconsider and let's at least do counseling, something to save our marriage. I wasn't mad, or vindictive or bitter. I was hurt, lost, devastated, floundering, and scared. It was because of my love for him AND our marriage. I knew he was selfish, but you love unconditionally and for better or for worse.
I forgave the affair immediately. HE is the one that found his 22 year old mistress who cannot hold a job, she has no education and isn't trying to get one, and looks honest to G like Shrek, more alluring than an accomplished, educated, and succcessful wife. Not to toot my own horn because I'm no Salma Hayek, but I am very pretty and got carded 3 different times last weekend.
So, I guess marriage is about who "gets their way" first.....or is that last!
My attorney and I ignored his ridiculous outburst.
If I let it, he could really hurt me.
D sucks!
Thank you for listening to my rant.
Grrrrrr, I'm doing my very best to pretend all of his antics don't bother me in the least and that I am moving on.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 10:08 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]

confusedsad posted 9/19/2013 20:04 PM

Good grief. Sounds like a jr high game. As soon as he stepped out of his marriage, he lost all chances of playing a fair game. I am so sorry.

MovingUpward posted 9/19/2013 20:05 PM

((((StillLivin))))

mchercheur posted 9/19/2013 20:07 PM

(((StillLivin)))

StillLivin posted 9/20/2013 10:36 AM

Thank you.
This really bites. It hurts, it's demoralizing.
He even says it again in an email that the only reason I'm expecting him to pay half the mortgage, half the credit cards (even though he ran them up in the thousands and I have never used them), blah blah blah, isn't because it's his mess. Noooooo, it's because when I told him he couldn't have her and me both, and that if he wanted R then he would have to come home and go to MC and IC and give me transparency. He said he didn't want to do these things, so he was moving out and moving on when he first gets home. Sooooo, me not having a job and going back to school full time has nothing to do with needing him to financially keep up his end. It MUST be because oh, hmmm, let's see, I'm not getting my way because I didn't want to share my husband with Shrek.