I was seven months pregnant when my BF cheated on me. I had a feeling something wasn't right - a woman's intuition maybe - I just knew something was off. He was always on his phone, always took a really long time when he went out even just to grab us some food, wasn't really talking to me. We were distant.
I had his phone one day and a text came in from a number not stored in his contacts and the text just said "hey." I passed him the phone, he answered the text and said it was from his buddy Angel. But when I peeked at his phone afterwards, the conversation had been deleted. Why? If it was just his buddy, why delete it? I asked him about it the next day and he said he can understand why that would look sketchy, swore up & down it was nothing, he loved me and there was nothing to worry about.
That was on a Monday. Wednesday - because my gut wouldnt leave me alone and I could feel something was up - I snooped around his phone records. We have a family plan so this was no problem. I was at work when I did it and I wished I had waited until I got home. For two months - which is as far back as I could look - he had been talking non stop to some OW. Talking on the phone for hours while I was at work, texting all day long. Obviously the phone records couldnt show me any text messages, but it was all there. Who was this person he was talking to all day? Even while he was at work - when he "couldnt be on his phone" so he "couldnt text me".
I couldnt stay at work so I faked being sick - easy since I was pregnant at the time - and ran home to approach him. When I did, he said it was just a friend. He went on and on about how hard it is to deal with my moods sometimes, how distant we've been, how we fight all the time and how hard it had been on him. He said he needed someone to talk to and made a mistake by confiding in someone else. He swore it was nothing more than that and even said that this girl was also in a relationship with kids and neither of them had any intent to cheat. He said she was just his friend.
I - however reluctantly - listened to him. I couldnt accept that he did this. I didnt believe him, but I wanted to and so I chose to take his word. He was always home with me unless he was at work, never went out on the weekends, so I had no real reason to believe this was anything more than just phone conversations. Though he never wanted to go into detail about the nature of this relationship, he remained adamant that it was just a friend hearing him out. He swore they would never talk again.
Obviously I continued to check his call records, I logged into his FB account regularly, I was a spying mess. This went on for about a month until one day he forgot his phone at home and I looked through it again. No messages were found or anything. I went on youtube, on his phone, just to watch videos. The search history on youtube was for songs about loving two women, not knowing what to do, playing both fields...yea, shit like that. In my mind, these were all things he was sending to her. Meaning, he was "in love" with two women and was confused. That was my take on it. So I lied to him and said I received an anonymous text and demanded to know the truth. I said I knew he lied to me beforehand and this girl was not just a friend.
He admitted to lying. He said it was never anything physical, said he never kissed her much less have sex or anything, and that they really did just talk on the phone. He said she was there for him but again - never got into detail.
This happened in May. Our daughter was born in July and all I could think was if it werent for this baby, I probably wouldnt be in this relationship. I know for a fact I would never have given him the time of day to explain anything and would have just left his sorry ass for lying.
I think that had he been honest when I fist approached him, I would have been more open to his feelings and considered what he had to say. But he lied twice about what he was doing, and now that he is being "honest" I cant help but feel like its a load of shit too. TBH, if I didnt have to go behind his back to find all this shit out, if he were open and upfront, I would have forgiven him regardless of the nature of that relationship. It would have showed me that he was willing to work past it and wanted a fresh start. But he lied over and over. Just looked me in the eyes while I cried for him, and lied.
I do not believe anything this guy says to me, however simple it may be. I do not believe all he did was talk to this girl, otherwise, why lie so much about it? I try so hard to understand why he never once tried to talk to me about how he was feeling, but instead allowed some stranger to comfort him.
I told him I couldnt deal with it. I hate comparing myself to anyone else and thats what I would be doing. Constantly wondering what she has that I dont, what she does that I dont. He said he wanted me to give us a chance and allow us to be a family. As if he did that. I figured I was being hormonal and not thinking straight because I was pregnant so I told myself I would give it time and see what happens. But not a day goes by that I dont think about it, every time he leaves to do anything at all I wonder who he's going to go see, every time he looks at his phone I wonder if he's talking to her. I hate living like that! I dont want a relationship like that! I hate him for ruining us!
I have no idea what was going on with this OW or if it is even still going on. I dont want to end us but I dont want to be with him under this kind of strain.
I love him, I trusted him with every fiber of my being, I wanted so badly to believe him and I did! Only to find out he's just a liar. Why would he lie to me?
I have no idea what to do, how to fix this, or what to think. When I bring it up, he says it was so long ago and I should get over it. I want him to tell me her name, how they met, what they talked about, if he ever went to see her, I wanna know everything. I feel like thats the only way I can find closure and either move on or let go. I dont think he will tell me, and if he does I think he'd lie about it all. I am not over this, probably will not get over it. What pisses me off the most, is BF sort of acts like it was my fault he had to do it. He makes me feel like if I wasnt a hormonal bitch while pregnant, I would have been easier to get along with and he wouldnt have had to go looking for a friend. And when I bring up separation, he asks why I would do that to our family. How does he not see that HE did that, not me. HE broke us. He broke me.