My fWH and I are solidly in R. He still reads my list of 'must haves" for R daily and has been great.
One of my must haves is absolutely no secrets. After 7 months of secret upon secret I just can’t stand the thought of him keeping anything from me. This was the one requirement that I think he struggles with the most. Not because he's hiding anything but because when our marriage was GOOD, obviously pre-As, he loved to surprise me with flowers, gifts, etc.., he took great pleasure in seeing my joy when I received something unexpected. Since R began, he has been great at not keeping any secrets and has given me no reason to question him, however I've had concerns about it this month because of my birthday.
My fWH is desperate to replace the horrid memories of my last birthday, which I spent rolled up in a ball on our living room floor crying until my soul hurt, with new ones this year. He had made a couple of comments early on about having special plans for my birthday (I have to admit that when he said that to me my mind automatically jumped to "he's going to ask for a divorce again".
I guess having thoughts like this is normal at this stage of the game.
) I reminded him about the 'no secrets' thing. He begged and pleaded with me to allow him this one instance of keeping a secret from me and I hesitantly agreed.
Normally my fWH isn’t the most perceptive guy
but he realized that even though I told him it was okay, I was starting to be anxious about it. He must have been thinking about it this morning because he left me a note outlining everything that he has planned for my birthday next week, starting with a bouquet of roses and lilies being delivered to my work. He’s getting there.