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Well, this stinks, but here I go again.

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stupidstupidme posted 9/20/2013 13:01 PM

We all know I'm my own worst enemy. One full year since I met him. LOL - first time we spoke, I will never forget my first thoughts - HELL NO. hahahahaha

One year later, I'm in love with him. However, he doesn't feel the same - at all. My bad - I was never supposed to develop those feelings, but... I did.

The summer was really great, but it had to go somewhere - or end. So, it ends... at least this time I'm not crying, although my stomach feels sick.

Endings suck... and this time for my own good, I need to keep it ended... crumbs aren't good enough anymore. I guess the lesson to myself is that they never should have been... but in all fairness, there was a time that was all I wanted and gave as well. It worked when it worked. Just doesn't anymore.

I'm rambling, and I know y'all are tired of hearing it. How many times have I said goodbye now? LOL - sheesh... two days ago made a halfhearted attempt and he roped me back in so quickly and easily... but for nothing. Just to make sure I don't totally go away. UGH... I'm ready to move forward, even though that means just being alone - for a long while. I need my peace back.

jo2love posted 9/20/2013 13:07 PM

(((stupidstupidme)))

I'm sorry. Sending you strength.

nowiknow23 posted 9/20/2013 13:21 PM

(((((ssm))))) Peace to you, honey.

stupidstupidme posted 9/20/2013 13:31 PM

I hate feeling rejected.

Then again, I guess everyone probably does

MovingUpward posted 9/20/2013 13:32 PM

(((ssm)))

Don't let him rope you back. Go find your peace.

stupidstupidme posted 9/20/2013 13:37 PM

Oh and the most pathetic part... is you know what I'm I love with? A romanticized scenario created solely in my head, that never ever actually existed.

Still hurts like hell.

fraeuken posted 9/20/2013 14:06 PM

stupidstupidme, hugs to you from a fellow rejected, romanticizing SI sister.

I am with there in spirit riding out the pain. It sucks big times, it has been taking my breath at times, tears coming at the worst moments, back on the break-up/infidelity diet. 4 pounds gone in just 2 days.

We shall come out of this bent but not broken.

Take it easy.

stupidstupidme posted 9/20/2013 14:33 PM

Well, I need to lose about 10 pounds, so maybe that will be the silver lining :)

Newlease posted 9/20/2013 14:45 PM

BTDT - You know the drill - NC = No New Hurts.

It still sucks, though.

Sending strength and peace.

NL

LearningToRun posted 9/20/2013 14:48 PM

You know, you have to let go of the current R before the even better can come along. And it will come along. Trust that it will and you will be free and available to grap hold of it.

I was in your shoes. I knew it had to move forward or end. And it ended. I didnt want it to end, but it never really existed. And what do you know, someone better did come along. Someone who wanted to be with me. What if i had still been grasping at crumbs and missed him?

Look up the baggage reclaim article of "letting go of a relationship that doesnt exist" its oh so common. I read that article over and over.

Pass posted 9/20/2013 14:58 PM

Oh and the most pathetic part... is you know what I'm I love with? A romanticized scenario created solely in my head, that never ever actually existed.

Sister, welcome to my world. My entire marriage to The Princess didn't exist in the incarnation I thought it did.

You can get through this just like you did the last one. And you'll end up great!

Just takes some time.

click4it posted 9/20/2013 15:19 PM

((((SSM))))

Williesmom posted 9/20/2013 15:47 PM

((ssm))

No contact is your best friend. You know that.

stupidstupidme posted 9/20/2013 20:00 PM

I've maintained NC so far. Haven't heard from him so that makes it easier. I know this is what I need to do, and right now I feel peaceful and good with it. I know that won't last, but hopefully I won't act on any impulse that comes along...

UndecidedinMA posted 9/20/2013 20:40 PM

SSM - remain strong.

SoHappyNow posted 9/21/2013 15:28 PM

I'm so very sorry that you're in pain, ssm.

My phone (Samsung Galaxy S4) has a feature called auto reject that stops the call before it ever reaches you.....maybe something like that would work for you?

Catwoman posted 9/21/2013 15:57 PM

SSM, you know yourself pretty well by this point. WALK AWAY. Yes, there are feelings and feelings are messy. And hurtful. No question.

I think you are doing the right things. It is okay to hide and lick the wounds for a while. Seriously, it is.

It is a big step when we can walk away from those we like, but those that we see cannot be good for us.

Cat

Kajem posted 9/21/2013 17:34 PM

Sending hugs.

Just goes to show us that we need to heed that voice! I didn't listen to mine either.

More hugs,
K

stupidstupidme posted 9/26/2013 11:58 AM

Ahhhh I've finally reached flatness. Not caring at all. Thank God.

Haven't heard from him in a few days; haven't seen him in almost a month. I'm going away to the beach this weekend on a spontaneous road trip with a buddy... hoping that the fun trip away and relaxation at the beach will be the last shedding of the crumbs...

Williesmom posted 9/27/2013 14:20 PM

Have fun. Make this weekend all about you.

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