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stupidstupidme (original poster member #11888) posted at 7:01 PM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
We all know I'm my own worst enemy. One full year since I met him. LOL - first time we spoke, I will never forget my first thoughts - HELL NO. hahahahaha
One year later, I'm in love with him. However, he doesn't feel the same - at all. My bad - I was never supposed to develop those feelings, but... I did.
The summer was really great, but it had to go somewhere - or end. So, it ends... at least this time I'm not crying, although my stomach feels sick. 
Endings suck... and this time for my own good, I need to keep it ended... crumbs aren't good enough anymore. I guess the lesson to myself is that they never should have been... but in all fairness, there was a time that was all I wanted and gave as well. It worked when it worked. Just doesn't anymore.
I'm rambling, and I know y'all are tired of hearing it. How many times have I said goodbye now? LOL - sheesh... two days ago made a halfhearted attempt and he roped me back in so quickly and easily... but for nothing. Just to make sure I don't totally go away. UGH... I'm ready to move forward, even though that means just being alone - for a long while. I need my peace back.
Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 7:07 PM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
(((stupidstupidme)))
I'm sorry. Sending you strength.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 7:21 PM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
(((((ssm))))) Peace to you, honey.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
stupidstupidme (original poster member #11888) posted at 7:31 PM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
I hate feeling rejected.
Then again, I guess everyone probably does 
Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 7:32 PM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
(((ssm)))
Don't let him rope you back. Go find your peace.
stupidstupidme (original poster member #11888) posted at 7:37 PM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
Oh and the most pathetic part... is you know what I'm I love with? A romanticized scenario created solely in my head, that never ever actually existed.
Still hurts like hell. 
Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson
fraeuken ( member #30742) posted at 8:06 PM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
stupidstupidme, hugs to you from a fellow rejected, romanticizing SI sister.
I am with there in spirit riding out the pain. It sucks big times, it has been taking my breath at times, tears coming at the worst moments, back on the break-up/infidelity diet. 4 pounds gone in just 2 days.
We shall come out of this bent but not broken.
Take it easy.
Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.
stupidstupidme (original poster member #11888) posted at 8:33 PM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
Well, I need to lose about 10 pounds, so maybe that will be the silver lining :)
Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson
Newlease ( member #7767) posted at 8:45 PM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
BTDT - You know the drill - NC = No New Hurts.
It still sucks, though.
Sending strength and peace.
NL
Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.
LearningToRun ( member #31353) posted at 8:48 PM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
You know, you have to let go of the current R before the even better can come along. And it will come along. Trust that it will and you will be free and available to grap hold of it.
I was in your shoes. I knew it had to move forward or end. And it ended. I didnt want it to end, but it never really existed. And what do you know, someone better did come along. Someone who wanted to be with me. What if i had still been grasping at crumbs and missed him?
Look up the baggage reclaim article of "letting go of a relationship that doesnt exist" its oh so common. I read that article over and over.
Me: BS 49
Him: WH 54
OW - HS GF, reconnect on FB - They are now M
M- 23 years
DD Sept 2010 - he was lying about meeting and deleting all his texts
D-12/13/2010 - 60 days after i called uncle
Pass ( member #38122) posted at 8:58 PM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
Oh and the most pathetic part... is you know what I'm I love with? A romanticized scenario created solely in my head, that never ever actually existed.
Sister, welcome to my world. My entire marriage to The Princess didn't exist in the incarnation I thought it did.
You can get through this just like you did the last one. And you'll end up great!
Just takes some time.
Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.
click4it ( member #209) posted at 9:19 PM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 9:47 PM on Friday, September 20th, 2013
((ssm))
No contact is your best friend. You know that.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
stupidstupidme (original poster member #11888) posted at 2:00 AM on Saturday, September 21st, 2013
I've maintained NC so far. Haven't heard from him so that makes it easier. I know this is what I need to do, and right now I feel peaceful and good with it. I know that won't last, but hopefully I won't act on any impulse that comes along...
Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson
UndecidedinMA ( member #33732) posted at 2:40 AM on Saturday, September 21st, 2013
ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R
SoHappyNow ( member #8923) posted at 9:28 PM on Saturday, September 21st, 2013
I'm so very sorry that you're in pain, ssm.
My phone (Samsung Galaxy S4) has a feature called auto reject that stops the call before it ever reaches you.....maybe something like that would work for you?
In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus--------73 now. Dday #1 was 11/11/05 ***Used to be hit-by-a-train*** Widowed, then VERY happily remarried 2/14/14
Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 9:57 PM on Saturday, September 21st, 2013
SSM, you know yourself pretty well by this point. WALK AWAY. Yes, there are feelings and feelings are messy. And hurtful. No question.
I think you are doing the right things. It is okay to hide and lick the wounds for a while. Seriously, it is.
It is a big step when we can walk away from those we like, but those that we see cannot be good for us.
Cat
FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 11:34 PM on Saturday, September 21st, 2013
Sending hugs.
Just goes to show us that we need to heed that voice! I didn't listen to mine either.
More hugs,
K
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
stupidstupidme (original poster member #11888) posted at 5:58 PM on Thursday, September 26th, 2013
Ahhhh I've finally reached flatness. Not caring at all. Thank God.
Haven't heard from him in a few days; haven't seen him in almost a month. I'm going away to the beach this weekend on a spontaneous road trip with a buddy... hoping that the fun trip away and relaxation at the beach will be the last shedding of the crumbs...
Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson
Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 8:20 PM on Friday, September 27th, 2013
Have fun. Make this weekend all about you.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
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