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heartbroken7110 posted 9/20/2013 13:02 PM

Has anybody renewed there vows since the affair? My husband wants to (he is the WH) I have thought of it...& still thinking. Just wondering if anybody out there has done it & has it made a difference at all? Good? Bad? Same...thanks

LosferWords posted 9/20/2013 15:10 PM

We haven't done it yet, but we have thought about it. I'm really interested in seeing the responses you get as well.

Simple posted 9/20/2013 15:12 PM

Not quite vow renewal but a re-proposal. Funny I just stated this in the general forum. Note that we're in 5 year almost 6 year R now. So here it is:

I was telling him that I don't think it felt like we were every truly married. That I think he married me for all the wrong reasons and I married him for all the right ones. That I had made my decision based on lies that I thought were true at the time. I told him that I feel he married me cause I'm a great back-up plan that will always be there. That no way would I have married him if I had known.

It's been about 6 months after DDay, and he's been doing so good the last 4 of that 6 months. I came home from a long day of work really tired and kind of depressed. He took me upstairs in private, then picked up a whole bunch of roses that was there in the room.

He then went down on his knees and said "I am asking for all the right reasons. You're the only one and I will do anything to be the man you thought you married. Will you marry me? I beg you to please marry me?"

I was surprised and happy and shocked, and confused all at the same time that I didn't say anything for 5 minutes. It looked like he started getting depressed and starting to cry and said that I can understand if you want to say "no" but at least say something. I finally said "I'm sorry I'm thinking a second". He gave me another few minutes and then I finally said "yes" and meant it. I think both sides' walls came down that day, and it's about "US" now.

And yes, he got a brand new ring for me.

heartbroken7110 posted 9/20/2013 15:27 PM

Simple

Thank you thank you so much for taking the time to write & share that special moment with me. Gives me hope for better days...funny u refer to yourself as the "back up plan" bc so DO I & always have. He had a EA with a girl who I considered that he thought was really "the one", he did this 2yrs into our marriage. I always say this happened bc I was never really first choice....we have come so far since the EA & PA happened. I'm hoping for my walls to also come totally down & share that moment also...thanks so much for this post:)

brkn_heartd posted 9/20/2013 21:30 PM

My FWH brought up the idea. I thought about it and still think about it. At this point I did not respond enthusiastically and I think it hurt him. I am not sure if he will bring it up again. I approach from two aspects...I watched my parents renew theirs at 25 years, but divorce at 32 years due to yet another A of my father. Then, my other thought is the vows weren't effective the first time, what makes this time different.

I asked the same question you asked about a year ago. The responses were all over the place. Good luck in your decision. It is a personal decision I believe and what is right for one couple may not be right for the next one.

5674emt posted 9/20/2013 21:45 PM

fWH had taken me on a Canoe Trip and written his initial proposal on a bridge above the river. 2 months after Dday, WH was so devistated by his behavior and the possibility of my leaving that he took me back to that bridge and begged me to keep him. On the knee, with a new ring.
We haven't made it to the first Antiversery yet, but in his present condition, I see a vow renewal as a way to minimize a once gaping hole.

Aubrie posted 9/20/2013 21:51 PM

I was pretty hung up on renewing our vows for a long time. When I started digging into myself, I had pulled out our wedding vows and realized for the first time, I had no idea what I was promising when I was 18 years old. The fantasy of marriage and happily ever after were all I saw. Looking back now, my words back then sounded so hollow. I would love to renew our vows, writing my own this time around.

I (re)proposed to my husband last September and dreamed of actually renewing our vows on our 10th anniversary this past February. It didn't happen. Still hasn't happened.

I kept working, kept fighting, he struggled thru the Plain of Lethal Flatness, the anger, the sadness, the depression.

We're in a pretty good place now and I still want to renew, but it's not an obsessive thought. I'm letting QS lead. If and when he's ready, if and when the time is right, it will happen.