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Newest Member: Gerbilnick (61799)

User Topic: Finding a therapist for MC
♀ 39558
Member # 39558
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After 9 months I am still not sure whether to keep trying or just give up. He is wonderful but still denying anything ever happened and finally accepting to go to MC.
I had found in the early months a thread that had very good questions to ask the therapist in order to select one, but didn't save the post and I can't find it anymore. Anybody can help me with this, please? The therapist I found doesn't believe in disclosing the affair, which I am not for. I need to know the truth not the details but I need to know what really happened.

Beyond myself
Me: 53 years
WH: 56 years
Married: 30 years
DDAY: Jan 22, 2013

Posts: 18 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Florida
♂ 40199
Member # 40199
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked the same question a few days ago. This link has good advice. Also, keep in mind if you don't like them after the first apt or two, you can always shop for another.

Me–BS age 61
Her -- WS age 59
Married for 34 years
One child, 30yrs

Her 'A' 1994(?) through 1998
D-Day 7/4/2013 Yes, I didn't find out for almost 15 years... but the pain is just as bad as if she were with him last week.

Posts: 160 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Near Houston Texas
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to cut and paste from a similar post that Deeply Scared responded to yesterday.

She said:

Make sure they specialize in dealing with infidelity and family crisis.

This is from the Healing Library article "Choosing A Therapist"

1. Can you describe your background and training in marital therapy?"

If the therapist is self-taught or workshop-trained, and can't point to a significant education in this work, then consider going elsewhere.

2. "What is your attitude toward salvaging a trouble marriage versus helping couples break up?"

If the therapist says he or she is "neutral," or "I don't try to save marriage, I try to help people" look elsewhere. (I'd also run if the therapist says he or she does not believe in divorce.)

3. "What is your approach when one partner is seriously considering ending the marriage and the other wants to save it?"

If the therapist responds by focusing only on helping each person clarify their personal feelings and decisions, consider looking elsewhere.

4. "What percentage of your practice is marital therapy?"

Avoid a therapist the does mostly individual counseling.

5. "Of the couples you treat, what percentage would you say work out enough of their problems to stay married with a reasonable amount of satisfaction with the relationship." "What percentage break up while they are seeing you?" "What percentage do not improve?" "What do you think makes the differences in these results?"

If someone says "100%" stay together, I would be concerned, and if they say that staying together is not a measure of success for them, I'd be concerned.

Posts: 30662 | Registered: Dec 2010
♀ 39558
Member # 39558
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I was too out of my mind when I read the first post about what to ask. This is very helpful.

Beyond myself
Me: 53 years
WH: 56 years
Married: 30 years
DDAY: Jan 22, 2013

Posts: 18 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 4

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