We had hundreds of special moments just like that. Fast forward to our 20th anniversary. He'd lost an amazing job that paid two and a half times what he gets paid now. He was crushed and depressed for over a yr.
Also I was not in "not in the mood/low libido" for yrs after the birth of our 1st child. He would get upset and tell me I wasn't fair but we got along great...
End of 2009 I lost my beloved teacup dog, he just disappeared, missing and I never found him. I was grieving like I had lost a relative...dare I say a child. I was like a zombie for over 5 months. Cried, searched and became obsessed looking for him. Spent probably a good $3,000,flyers, cards, detectives etc.
I was emotionally checked out. I was in bed and he tried for several weeks but soon he stopped. He started staying at gym longer, going out to watch UFC fights and " poker"
3 months into the A he confessed. His health suffered over keeping that secret also. He broke NC and became simply a hateful unremorseful demon. I saw emails, texts, pictures, videos of her naked. The ultimate was getting a gut feeling and getting in my car and I found them together in her car. My heart stopped, my breathing stopped and I froze for about 10 seconds. I beeped my horn and gave him the Peace sign and drove off. He said MANY hurtful things, he was "in love" MOW got a divorce to be with him. She's a serial cheater but she divorced her H to be with mine.
Please bare with me !! A lot more happened after. I was selling stuff from my business and was leaving him and moving over a thousand miles away. I was numb. I returned to church and my hopes and faith were all on God.
Then he felt the guilt, shame and remorse followed months later. He has gone beyond what I expected and continues to put in 100%. He's back,all the attention and love he showed me for years are multiplied by 10! He's transparent till this day. He still goes out of his way to make sure I am comfortable and feel safe.
NOW FOR MY QUESTION! It's been over 2+ yrs since R. I now have days and weeks that I absolutely adore him and feel that love like a school girl again lol. Then out of the blue I feel very little, I feel distant. He holds my hand and I feel little to nothing. I don't feel anger, resentment. It just makes me question myself " do I really love him? How much do I love him?? Did I settle? Then the distant feelings subside and I feel the love all over again. Is this normal for a BS after 4,5,6 or 8 yrs out?? That's why I'm asking for those BS in complete R after many yrs. it scares me to feel nothing and it hurts to know I feel that! I finally told him and he's noticed and asked if it could possibly be during my PMS. Because it seems to coincide around that time. I really hate the feeling of not feeling much.
He's been understanding over this and just tells me all he can do is be here for me and that he will never leave my side
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)
I often wonder if I would feel different if I had a different partner. Ultimately, I have decided I would not feel differently, that my heart just hurts and has been hurt tremendously.
I am only 13mths out, but I am pretty much in the same boat. I will have a good week or two, when I can really see and feel genuine R and then bam it's gone, I don't feel the love, I am at best just numb, at worst a raging bundle of hate... (and yes, it often coincides with PMS, but generally continues long after)
Give yourself more time. They say this takes 2-5 years and I lean toward the 5 year recovery time. Just be careful that your moments of distance aren't due to lingering underlying issues which could cause the A behavior to repeat. We rugswept and so here we are again, but it sounds like your H is doing the work.
But those feelings are rare and fleeting. I thing that it will probably be that way for the rest of our time together. The scars are just too deep. It will just be a part of my (our) life.
But still, things are much better than prior to the affair, so.....
But, the betrayal of infidelity is brutal. I was traumatized by the LTA and it took me a long time to heal.
You are experiencing the emotional roller coaster ride.
That's normal and most every BS goes through it.
A book that was helpful for me was: Transcending Post Infidelity Stress Disorder by Dr. Ortman.
You have been through a lot of very distressing and traumatic events. It takes time to get over it all.
But you can survive this and even thrive.
PeaceLove: one of the main issues we had was his libido is 80-90% and mine was 35%. When I was just turning 40 I felt way more aroused than I did years ago. At first I thought it was HB. But that wasn't the case. I want sex 6-9 times wk.
I felt embarrassed but discussed this with my sister. She assured me the same thing happened to her and she's been that way for about 9 yrs lol.
I'm glad to know its pretty normal but as everyone would agree, it sucks big time. I hate the fact that my feelings go cold and I question my love for him. Then days later I love him and get butterflies and all when I see him.
And the passion between is electrifying. The up and down of my feelings is what brings this doubt