SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Helen of Troy posted 9/20/2013 20:55 PM

I didn't cry, didn't plead.
I am shocked and mostly embarrassed. The thing rattling me the most is ex's words "no one will like you when they find out how you REALLY are".
Now I feel this is true.

He says he doesn't hate me, and it was nothing I did specifically. I feel confident there is no one else.
SI I feel so humiliated anyway. I stay with relationships no matter what, even when it is not easy.
I want to run away and hide.
We were exclusive one year.

persevere posted 9/20/2013 21:07 PM

First (((will get by)))
I'm so sorry, break ups, are by definition just not easy.

As for the ridiculous words from your ex - FTG - he is full of narcissistic shit.

The breakup between your Ex and this breakup have nothing to do with each other. You were together a year, and it didn't work out. It will hurt like hell for a while, but in the end, you will learn from it.

PLEASE do not equate the break up with a narcissistic ass who tried to make you doubt yourself with this one. They are TWO different events.

So you surround yourself with some activities and friends as you are ready to and you will move on to better things. XXOO.

cayc posted 9/20/2013 21:11 PM

You have been struggling with negative self talk for some time now. IMHO this relationship of yours was exacerbating it. A relationship should make you feel hopeful & supportive. But that's not what you've been posting about here.

I know when some one leaves your life, it leaves a hole & that hole feels bad (even if you needed to get that person out of your life.

I know you're hurting but your xWH was wrong. What he said was a cheap shot designed to blame you & absolve him. And your xSO? Same thing in that you weren't feeling good around him but didn't want to admit it to yourself.

It's going to be ok, and youre going to feel better now that you have a fresh start. I promise.

(((Willgetby)))

jo2love posted 9/20/2013 21:42 PM

(((will get by)))

Your ex's words are garbage. A total lie.

I'm so sorry. I hope one day when you are ready, you meet someone who appreciates, loves, and respects you.

Pass posted 9/20/2013 21:47 PM

You may want to read Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Dummies. It addresses a lot of negative self-talk, and may help you.

The thing rattling me the most is ex's words "no one will like you when they find out how you REALLY are".

The thing to remember about your ex: He's an asshole. He REALLY was a lying, cheating, piece of shit, and he didn't know what he REALLY had: The best thing that ever happened to him!

Did I mention he's an asshole?

caregiver9000 posted 9/20/2013 22:17 PM

oh, sweetie....

(((wgb)))

I am so sorry! You are awesome. How you REALLY are is purely beautiful. A break up is about two people, not one.

Indulge in grieving, and then set it aside. You have a lot going on right now!

I am here if you need to talk.

(((big hugs)))

ChoosingHope posted 9/20/2013 22:41 PM

(((willgetby)))

Williesmom posted 9/20/2013 22:47 PM

((Wgb))

I'm sorry

stronger08 posted 9/21/2013 05:08 AM

Post D relationships are just like the ones you had before you were M. You need to weed out what does not work for you. If he is not committed at least he did the honorable thing and broke up with you. Take a little time, mourn the loss and get back on the horse. Things will get better. Shoot, I'm many years out from D and I still have not met "the one" But I know that one day she will walk into my life when I least expect it. BTW your XH is a cheating asshole. Don't listen to what he has to say.

damncutekitty posted 9/22/2013 09:56 AM

My XH told me I was impossible to love. I am finding out now how wrong he was, but it stuck with me for a long time.

Williesmom posted 9/22/2013 10:52 AM

My wxh told me that I will never find someone that loved me like he did. I certainly hope that's true.

FTG.

Never forget the awesomeness that is you.