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summerain posted 9/21/2013 05:31 AM

I'm posting... on sort of behalf of my best friend

Her mother had an affair on her dad, her affair partner was also married.

Essentially they both divorced their respective partners and have now moved in together, saving for a house etc.

My friend is out of home with her boyfriend so it's not as if she has to live with them etc. But because she lost her dad and her brother from the split (they moved overseas) she is very angry and hurt.

She doesn't want to meet her mother's affair partner, which her mother is starting to head down that path. She also thinks that considering her brother no longer even speaks to her mother and the relationship between her mother and her affair partner has still continued that if she makes it too obvious she doesn't want to meet him that her mother will not react with sensitivity.

Btw my friend heard that moved in together through the grapvine and had waited for months for her mother to tell her. Furthermore she was told last week after going shopping with her and 2 minutes before they arrived at the cousin's house.

I'm not sure what to say when she asks for advice. I did not come from a loving family so I feel my thoughts on how to handle it would be very different from normal people's

Do you have any advice?
Thankyou

gma56 posted 9/21/2013 15:09 PM

I would say for her, to do the 180 with her Mom. For now until some of the pain of Mom's actions aren't so raw. She does have every right to cut her Mom out of her life but maybe just have lunch once in awhile and ask her not to talk about Mom's Mr Wonderful and their lives together. If it were me I would tell Mom how it still hurts when she tells me stuff. Like rubbing salt on the open wound.
Regardless, your friend's relationship with her Mom should be on her terms not Mom's. She should put up the boundaries that she feels comfortable communicating with Mom.

nowiknow23 posted 9/22/2013 08:58 AM

Lauren - I can't imagine the pain your friend is feeling. Her mother's actions have cost her family so much.

I second gma's advice. As difficult as it must be for her, turning her attention away from her mother and back to herself and her life is the first and best protective step she can take.

((((friend))))

summerain posted 9/23/2013 02:21 AM

thanks for your replies!

Yeah I have no experience in this sort of thing. So I'm trying to say the right things. But calling her mum a selfish bitch doesn't seem right to me.