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Newest Member: Howtotrust (61551)

User Topic: Is it possible to R with this line of thinking?
♀ 40699
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ws says his reason for the overly flirtatious and sexual emails are due to poor judgement. He leaves it at that. Tries to assure me it won't happen again because he loves me. Hmmmm he loved me 2 months ago but didn't stop him then! He also will not admit he got anything out of the conversations and he doesn't have an issue. He tried to bait three women I know if with the "you can talk to me about anything" line. He originally said he would do MC but now that I brought up IC he doesn't think he has an issue or there is a pattern. He can't think of anything he can do to prove it won't happen again other than tell me he loves me and removing ow off his friends list. I give up!

Me BS 33 Him WS 37
Together 6 years, married almost 4 years
D-day: 07/23/13 EA with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out about a past kiss
D-day: 05/30/16 Saw first text message from new COW
D-day: 09-08-16 Dr. Fone confirmed EA

Posts: 1243 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
♀ 37043
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To answer the title of your post...No, you cannot R with this type of thinking.

Poor judgement is a given, for all WS. But what made him judge so poorly? The underlying stuff. And basically, he's claiming that there isn't anything there, no underlying issue...but if he's baiting THREE women. Um, that means there is an issue, and he doesn't want to look at it.

R is not possible without looking at the transgressions and choices fully - picking them up like a rock and examining every nook and cranny. Turning it over and around and exploring every perspective and possibility.

Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
♂ 15902
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've only been married a year and he is pulling this kind of nonsense? His reasons are not due to "poor judgment", it's because he is looking for sex.

I strongly suggest you set up MC. If your WH does not go you may need to seriously rethink this marriage. I'm concerned you may be in for a world of hurt in the future; especially as he learns to hide his activities from you.

I'm so sorry you're in this very difficult situation. You may also want to talk to a lawyer to learn your legal options, just in case he is not willing to change his behavior.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 4:15 AM, September 22nd (Sunday)]

Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 33 years, Together 40 years - Reconciled

Posts: 6322 | Registered: Aug 2007
♀ 40289
Member # 40289
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What hardenmyheart said! I'm so sorry, it sounds like a lot more hurt waiting to happen. Take care of yourself.

WW - early 50s (me)
BH - late 40s
3 grown children
Married 25 years
Online cyber sex dec 2010. I got caught late dec 2010. Lying and TT until full disclosure jan 2011.
In R we both are committed to staying in this M.

Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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