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Is it possible to R with this line of thinking?

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cl131716 posted 9/21/2013 16:23 PM

Ws says his reason for the overly flirtatious and sexual emails are due to poor judgement. He leaves it at that. Tries to assure me it won't happen again because he loves me. Hmmmm he loved me 2 months ago but didn't stop him then! He also will not admit he got anything out of the conversations and he doesn't have an issue. He tried to bait three women I know if with the "you can talk to me about anything" line. He originally said he would do MC but now that I brought up IC he doesn't think he has an issue or there is a pattern. He can't think of anything he can do to prove it won't happen again other than tell me he loves me and removing ow off his friends list. I give up!

RockyMtn posted 9/21/2013 21:17 PM

To answer the title of your post...No, you cannot R with this type of thinking.

Poor judgement is a given, for all WS. But what made him judge so poorly? The underlying stuff. And basically, he's claiming that there isn't anything there, no underlying issue...but if he's baiting THREE women. Um, that means there is an issue, and he doesn't want to look at it.

R is not possible without looking at the transgressions and choices fully - picking them up like a rock and examining every nook and cranny. Turning it over and around and exploring every perspective and possibility.

HardenMyHeart posted 9/21/2013 21:37 PM

You've only been married a year and he is pulling this kind of nonsense? His reasons are not due to "poor judgment", it's because he is looking for sex.

I strongly suggest you set up MC. If your WH does not go you may need to seriously rethink this marriage. I'm concerned you may be in for a world of hurt in the future; especially as he learns to hide his activities from you.

I'm so sorry you're in this very difficult situation. You may also want to talk to a lawyer to learn your legal options, just in case he is not willing to change his behavior.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 4:15 AM, September 22nd (Sunday)]

Silentthoughts posted 9/22/2013 09:35 AM

What hardenmyheart said! I'm so sorry, it sounds like a lot more hurt waiting to happen. Take care of yourself.

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