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Learning to be on my own

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fraeuken posted 9/21/2013 21:34 PM

Given my recent break up I have done some inventory of my relationship history and I know it is not good.

I realized that since I have been 18, I really have never been without a relationship. I had two long term relationships late in high school and then through college and met my XH just when I had broken up with my boyfriend. Basically I went from relationship to relationship with very little time in between.

The first time I was on my own in over 20 years was after XH moved out. That lasted 8 months and then XSO and I became exclusive which ended after 4 months.

8 months out of my entire adult life. That is pathetic. I don't mind solitude, actually, I was craving it during my marriage and even with my recent xSO after spending multiple days in a row with him but I think I very much define myself by being with a man and in a relationship.

It is time for some serious IC and soul searching. People tell me how strong I am and how I have so much control of my life, and yet I feel totally lost inside. I am scared of the next week and weekend when my kids will be with their father and SO will not be by my side.

Saleschick posted 9/21/2013 22:38 PM

You are strong and can do it!
I was with the same man for 28 years (since my sophomore yr in college). I am afraid too but doing it. I have cried each day this week but my crying stints generally get briefer and briefer. I bought his share of the house. I hired a lawn guy to do my lawn (since I have no clue how to use the riding lawn mower). I was dealing with ADT and other stuff this week that he would normally do. I do miss talking and sharing my day with him. I go a good review at work and would have LOVED to have shared it with him like I normally did in the past. That being said I told my step mother who was very proud of me. Trust me, if I can do it, you can do it. Take it day by day but YOU CAN DO THIS!

fraeuken posted 9/21/2013 23:36 PM

Watching Bridget Jones tonight and yes, I can do it

persevere posted 9/21/2013 23:50 PM

You absolutely can do this, but the self reflection of your past is important as well as the IC to dig in to the why's. You're doing great - just keep on course. It can be so easy to just feel like you're ok and stop - my advice is don't stop. Even when you think you're okay - keep digging at least for a while.

It's not easy - I'm still working on it myself - and I have to work on pushing myself forward.
((Hugs))

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