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Newest Member: Nathan (61870)

User Topic: My truster is broken
♀ 34485
Member # 34485
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry long post. Argh....where does the trust go and how do I get it back? I haven't posted in a while. I have been seeing a guy for 3 months. He has seems to be of good character. I think I have mentioned we are of different races, he is a sheriff, doesn't smoke or drink. Seems to play by the rules. We live about an hour 20 minutes from each other and we usually see each other once a week. He calls every day just to say hello and ask how my day went. He has rented out his house and moved in with his aging mother to care for her. I do not go to his home because it is not in a safe area of the city. And given this past Thursday night in the city I know why I don't go there.

That is the history, this is my issue. This evening he called while doing errands and sometimes if he runs in the store he will call me back when he gets back in his car which he did tonight. His last stop he said he was picking up some home made tamales so I asked where he was getting them from. He said this lady makes them so I asked how he found out about them...he hesitated then said someone from work brought them and said she sells them when she makes a batch and I guess she was making some today. The hesitation in his response caught my attention (I guess that was a trigger) Anyway he kind of rushed off the phone. So, I thought he'll call me back later and something didn't sit right with me so three hours later I thought I'd call him. No answer, no call back or text at all tonight. We have had the exclusive discussion and agreed to go exclusive.

End result is I feel the trust issues creeping up inside of me and it is ticking me off that I am having issues trusting. I guess it's because I never expected my XWH, the person who was supposed to love me until the end (after being married 32 yrs) to cheat and leave. I don't expect much out of someone I hardly know.....Some how I keep thinking trust has to be built over time. How do we build that trust?

Married 32 years, together for 40
DDay Dec. 17, 2011
No R, D June 21, 2012
Me BS 58
Him WH 59

Truth is like surgery, it hurts but heals. A Lie is like a painkiller. It gives instant relief but has side effects forever.

Posts: 279 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Midwest
♀ 10310
Member # 10310
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Was this an isolated incident? Have you had other signs?

Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

Posts: 3668 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas
♂ 36857
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems that the situation you described deserves to have a yellow flag associated with it. Hopefully there is a good explanation for why he didn't call you back.

As a side note, I think it will be a minor miracle if I am ever able to fully trust again,,so I completely understand. Sorry, no answers to how to fix it.

Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 6 (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12

Posts: 1288 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Always trust your gut. I've found the acknowledging and acting on it the hard part.

Once I learn to trust my gut and to have the courage to take action should the need arise I'll be closer to being ready for a relationship.

Trusting someone else is easy - even when it shouldn't be. Trusting ourselves and having that courage is the hard part.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 6017 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 4

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