Sorry this is a trigger for you.
Gently...I think most WS do exactly what your husband did. Ignore those around them, sacrifice their energy towards their loved ones for the sake of sending that energy into their AP. It sucks. It is wrong. It does happen.
I offer this up not to minimize what you are feeling, but to console you that you are not alone. Sadly, none of us are alone or unique in how betrayal and triggers affect our world.
God be with you.
I have made myself a cup of hot lemon, ginger and honey and am taking care of myself. He's around and I'm triggering badly. I'm sure it's exacerbated by not feeling well.
Take care of yourself. You're not alone.
he said he's happy and in a different place now but he didn't even ask to see the ultrasound picture and I flipped out. i'm afraid she's going to come back into our lives.
Our daughter was throwing up for a day as well and my wife too (the day following her second encounter). But I took the brunt of whatever it was.
In the days leading up to the second encounter when I started feeling ill my wife mentioned a friend wanted her to go over to their place and watch a movie or something. She'd mentioned it briefly before. In reality he was cajoling her into giving him a blowjob. They had originally planned it for the night in question. I honestly questioned her why she would leave me in a state like that to go out and she didn't answer. Hours later she said she changed her mind and would stay home to look after me. Reality? He told her he was busy and she'd have to suck his dick another day. I actually wish I was kidding.
While expelling every bodily fluid from my body for days on end my wife seemed to try and take care of me. At least when the worst was going on. I even sat in our bathroom, looked up at her and told her how much she means to me and that I was so grateful she was taking care of me and loving me when I was like that. Sure... and she simultaneously bitched to her AP about having to do so.
A mere day after starting to recover from it was D=Day.
All told I barely ate for nearly 3 weeks total and lost almost 40 pounds. My wife had to eventually nearly force me to eat because she feared I was going to starve to death.
Oh, and I rarely get colds or otherwise fall ill, and when I do most people can't even tell. The year following D-Day? Nearly weekly illnesses and constant immune system problems. The stress of her affair was killing me.
This year in the days following D-Day while we were waiting for our son to be born I again fell sick with some sort of stomach flu or food poisoning (this time neither my wife or daughter were sick). I found it deliciously ironic in the worst way that nearly a year to date after I was afflicted by the same thing yet again.
So yeah, being sick massively triggers me and I always think back to that week leading up to D-Day.
It bothers me to no end that my wife was putting someone else (that she didn't even care about no less) above me during such a time. That bit still sticks in my craw.
I have gotten better though which is a sign for me that things are improving. I haven't had a cold in months until just last week and it only bothered me like they used to. Didn't really trigger as much either.
Surrender to the truth of life.
Yes, he definitely sacrificed a lot for his fix. It has led me to an epiphany about paralleling his A to a meth addict--he was definitely self-medicating.
On my DD I remember thinking "My God, it is if my wife is high on something!". She was so out of sorts, so distant in the eyes yet so fried looking. It was unnerving to say the least.
I am not sure if all affairs have such a strong "addictive" quality to them....but I totally get your analogy.
And just like meth makes a person feel stronger and more alert then they are, it is not real, not sustaining, a fantasy...but the perception by the person on meth makes them think it is real...so in that sense it is real for the WS. What is NOT real is the depth of the connection a WS profess's to have with their AP. I believe that is one of the tougher realizations fWS must face as they come out of the fog....much like a person going through detox goes through.
How deep of a connection can be made with so many lies woven throughout the relationship...lies between people of course, but lies within a persons mind too. Hard to really connect with someone else when you don't recognize yourself.
God be with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 9:38 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)]
