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Newest Member: thepainfull86 (61156)

User Topic: Wayward's Parents Reaction
♀ 36549
Member # 36549
Default  Posted: 4:31 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A topic on the Wayward board revived a memory for me. My XSO's mother wrote me an apology when she found out why I stopped coming around and some new lady did after 4 years. She expressed her disappointment in her son and offered me an apology and tons of excuses. I was taken aback and consulted my own mother.

My mom was furious and wanted to hand XSO's mom a piece of her mind. She felt his issues lay with mommy and because she was apologizing for his bad behavior spoke volumes about his cheating in general. Never responsible for his actions. A man child who could count on someone else to make his excuses. What is everyone else's experiences? I for one was not moved. At all.

Love yourself. You're worth it. Face your self. You need to do it.

Posts: 383 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ 34755
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His mother was very upset with him. She had been cheated on by his father which ended up in divorce when he was 14.

She support our efforts to reconcile, she also told me she supported me fully if I chose to separate or divorce.

She's been there for me to talk to many times. She's watched our kids for not only me for IC, but us for MC. Or us when we needed to discuss some major stuff without them around. When he was fired due to his behavior, she helped us financially as well as helped him get a temp job as well.

His father, we really don't have a relationship with. He told his dad he was laid off, asked to borrow money and that was that.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ 36445
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My exwh mother told me I need to get over it and let him be 'happy'.

We have since made peace and she realises what a douche her son is. She's not a fan of the OW, think she realised I wasn't so bad afterall

Me: BW

Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.

Life's good.

Posts: 1530 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
♀ 32847
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out the weekend his mother died, so she never knew. I would imagine she would have been very disappointed, and let him know. She did call him a dickhead once when he was being one to me! I didn't tell his dad. We kept it private for a very long time. I only "came out" to my family once I made the decision to end it. I think he told his dad? It was probably some watered down version, full of blame shifting. In the months that followed, my father-in-law talked a lot about forgiveness and how it takes two to make it work. He's a very kind man, so I'm assuming he offered that advice because of what x told him happened. X told his sister I was pissed because he'd been texting someone else. So, if he told his dad the same nonsense, FIL's advice makes sense. Since the divorce, my ILs have not voted me off the island. I'm thankful for that. I live about 1500 miles away from any family of mine (who I'm not very close with any way), and he kept me very isolated from any people I may have made friends with. So, while blood is thicker than water, at least I have people I can count on when I need help, or an emergency crops up.

Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ 38619
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My fWH's father and stepmom both died before his As (his stepmom's death kind of started his downhill spiral) and his bio mom is not a big part of our lives, however his Aunt is. My fWH sent her an email explaining what has been going on and her response was NOT what either of us expected. She basically obsoleted him of all responsibly. Saying that "obviously I needed to work harder at being a good wife" and that "all affairs are caused by both the members in a marriage." Needless to say I was furious and wanted to lash out at her, but my fWH beat me to it. He explained that, yes, our marriage wasn't perfect but he was the only one that strayed. That he was solely responsible for that and he wouldn't allow anyone to stay in his (our) lives if they tried to give him a pass on his actions.

"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 440 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex in laws professed to be supportive of me, but that family is the biggest bunch of non confrontational passive aggressives ever.

So, they give him a pass and accepted every skank that he's ever been with.

They all deserve each other.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 9154 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♂ 37740
Member # 37740
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My MIL was the happiest she'd ever been.
She'd been trying to break us up from the day fWW and I got married.

BH - 66 - Retired
fWW - 62

"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife
"Regret is when you realize you broke your own heart.
Remorse is when you realize you broke someone else's." - Bla

Posts: 745 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Upstate NY
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After the first D-Day, we told his parents together because of possible legal ramifications. After D-Day #2 and I called it quits, I haven't heard much from them. We didn't communicate all that much except for holidays anyway since they live out of state.

The exception is my SIL (STBXH's brother's wife). She was out of town when it all hit the fan, so she contacted me wanting to know what was going on. I told her everything I knew, and she completely understands my position. If is wasn't for my SIL I wouldn't know anything, like how STBXH has minimized everything to his mom, how his dad is barely talking to him, and his brother thinks STBXH is a "horse's ass."

I'm pretty sure we'll be able to maintain a cordial relationship, maybe even better than that, but it will take time. There is a lot of hurt on all sides, and I can't imagine visiting at the same time as STBX. Only time will tell how it will all work out.

*corrected grammer and typos.

[This message edited by Gemini71 at 10:00 AM, September 22nd (Sunday)]

One day
I'm gonna forget your name,
And one sweet day,
you're gonna drown in my lost pain. - "Sweet Sacrifice" by Evanescence

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Posts: 3391 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
♂ 40173
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My in-laws are enablers and have not reached out to me in any way, except to mock me. My MIL in fact was part of the communication with the AP and my WW for months before dday. I even sent her an e-mail offerring to work on things with me despite her also "cheating" on me, and she basically threw it back in my face. Then they were surprised why I was so angry with the MIL as well as my WW after dday.

Me: BH, 40
Her: Ms. Daisy
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, living together
Dday: 7/28/13
Ds17, DS12, DD12
Divorced! 2/24/2015
Apology. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Posts: 1155 | Registered: Aug 2013
Must Survive
♀ 34533
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My situation is like Williesmom.

But have to add: Both STBXH mom & dad had affairs. MIL professed support on one hand, but then said she couldn't stop who her son brought over to the house.

I have removed his whole family from my life. They all have major issues and are not the ever going to be a part of my life. They are weak, muppet level people. I only wish I knew before I got married all of the issues they have. It would have saved me so much grief.

WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorced-Let my new beginning start

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen

Posts: 1063 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
♀ 40330
Member # 40330
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My MIL is one of the few people who know irl. She has been very supportive. She has offered to help follow him to see where he is going, and with any other investigating stuff she might could help with. I haven't taken her up on the offer, though she has tried calling the OW twice, she never answered or called her back.

She has encouraged me to speak with lawyers to make sure that my daughter and I are taken care of.

She wants us to R, but says she completely understands if I feel the need to D.

She's dealt with infidelity before, so she has an idea of things work/feel.

DD 1: PA 12/4/09 He spent 2.5 years with OW1
R: 8/31/2012
DD 2: EA 8/16/13
BS: 26
WH: 25
1 young daughter.
Terribly disgusted. He refuses to give up his "friend". Headed towards D.

Posts: 138 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: kentucky
solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think my inlaws know. But they think so little of Trac-fone (and therefore of me) that they would not be surprised, I don't think.

Their response to our separation was a backhanded, "We wish you both the happiness you deserve."

Neither of us--and neither of our kids--has heard from them, or ANYONE in Trac-fone's family--since then.

We ceased to exist.

Very sad for my children, who feel as though THEIR value has diminished.

They've had so many losses. (Never mind that the inlaws in question are toxic; there are aunts and uncles and cousins who have vanished from our lives, and that is just perplexing; I've known the sibs since they were kids, and they can't spare a kind word for my kids?!)

BS-me, 55; WX-irrelevant
Divorced after an eternity
"So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tenn

Posts: 15256 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
♀ 35894
Member # 35894
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mother in law told me less than one week after DDay that I couldn't keep bringing up the past because her son just couldn't live like that, it wasn't fair on him. She also told me as some sort of way of explaining his workplace affair that I didn't understand what a workplace was like these days, anyway at the time I was on maternity leave so clearly completely out of the loop in the the ways of the modern workplace. She really is a very stupid woman, I wish I had cut her out of my life back then.

BS me 30
WS him 31 (thankyou1981)
OW 19 year old at his work
Together 9 years
3 boys. 4, 3 and baby.
D-day 20 aug 2011

Posts: 200 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: UK
♀ 39667
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My MIL, a psychiatrist, told me "You'll get over it." In a subsequent conversation she said, "WIF, it seems like you are blaming all of this on SAWH's childhood."

As far as the "You'll get over it" comment, I think it is coming from the right place. The second comment, however, is a real view into the dysfunction. I get it that doctors are humans, too, but to be so dismissive of an integral developmental phase of a child - when it's YOUR OWN CHILD - is just neglectful and smacks of so much denial. Which, ahem, is part of the reason I am here. So I guess what i am trying to say is that the comments made by the inlaws are pretty revealing about what went on at home.

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 932 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 37735
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My MIL, an unremorseful WW & OW herself, blamed me for WH's affair, & told me to "get over it." She told me that if I had worn makeup more, & kept the house cleaner, this wouldn't have happened. Needless to say,altho WH & I are trying to R, I want nothing to do with her anymore.

Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011
Married 27+ years/Together 28+ years/4 kids together
OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids
Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be

Posts: 2462 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ 13447
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MIL: "He can do what he wants as long as he doesn't leave you [to be a single mom]."

Apparently she regretted her choice to D cheating, drinking FIL and become a single mom.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11650 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
♀ 35219
Member # 35219
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been more than a year and a half since I discovered the affair and my mother-in-law has never said a word to me about it. My cheating husband told her right after I found out so I know she knows. She told him she was very disappointed in him but we all make mistakes. She also told him he needed to end it with the OW which I appreciate. Some days I'm a little upset she hasn't even asked if I'm OK. I know she's a very private person and in her mind feelings and emotions are not to be discussed. Would that bother you or would you just be happy not to have to have your MIL involved in the situation? I go back and forth.

Posts: 16 | Registered: Apr 2012
♂ 28571
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure if they knew it'd be my fault. Though they'd never say it to my face.

Tempus Fuckit.

- Ricky

Posts: 7849 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
♀ 39734
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have not spoken to my MIL in going on 4 yrs. WAY before I knew of the A. I haven't "spoken" to my FIL since Feb of 2012. I was moving my stuff out of our house and FIL was there. I had my dog with me and DH picked up the dog as I was leaving to tell her bye. I said, to bad you couldn't have cared about the rest of us like you do the dog" my FIL said, "you know that runs both ways, right?" my response..."you can mind your own fucking business. I lived here, you didn't. I know how he treated us and how we treated him. Until you get the facts straight you don't need to be running your mouth".

When DH and I started "dating" in April of last year he didn't tell his parents. He didn't tell them until we had decided for me to move back in and had already called off the D. They were NOT happy!! When I found out about the A and that he had not told them, I emailed FIL and gave him all the facts. He asked DH about it and he admitted to everything. They still will not talk to me. MIL will call and give him the guilt treatment because he doesn't come see them. His brother and his dad will act like I don't even exist if we run into them. He is not allowed to say my name to his parents. They will not come to our home. In their eyes he had an A because I drove him to it. Their son just isn't like that.

Do I care anymore? NOPE. I have been told, by their friends, that one day they will forgive me. I laughed in their faces. I said that's nice, but I didn't do anything to be forgiven for. Maybe if they are lucky one day I will forgive them for treating me like shit BUT I sure hope they aren't holding their breath! Well, maybe I do hope they are

Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 40012
Member # 40012
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH called and apologized to family, friends and coworkers for how he had treated my and his A. My MIL and FIL are very supportive of me and our daughters and disgusted by their sons behavior (although it does run in the family).
They are amazed and delighted that I would give him another chance and are involved in helping in any way possible.

BS 53
WH 44
M 14 years at time of DD
2 young daughters
DD 12-8-12
A-3 YEARS and her husband was an accomplice.
In R, IC, & MC Since 1 week after DD. On the mend with the help of God, Friends and Family.

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Central FL
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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