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Kimba22 posted 9/22/2013 08:09 AM

I have been reading all your stories now for about a month and find them so helpful. This is my first post and I wanted to ask some advice. We are working hard to R now and my H has been "wonderful" since ending his A back in May. The problem is ME....he told me the other day that I always look "sad". I tell him I'm fine and he has been wonderful, that it is me. I feel like a piece of my heart has been taken away. When he tells me how much he loves and needs me I think in my head they "why", why did you have an affair?? WE went through all the talking and explains months ago but it is hard for me to "forget" even though I forgave...will it get better? Or has this destroyed my heart completely?

Hrtbrken1 posted 9/22/2013 08:27 AM

Kimba, welcome to SI. I'm so sorry that you find yourself here, but it's a great group of people.

In a nutshell, if he's doing the work:being transparent, remorseful, answering your questions it just takes time. Are you in IC? Are you guys in MC? Is he in IC? I am over 2 years out, and it still kills me. I still get sad. So what you are feeling is perfectly normal. The problem is not YOU! You had your trust broken, and that takes a lot of time, plus hard work, for your WH to earn that back.

Sometimes I think time is the dirtiest 4-letter word out there. I have healed quite a bit, but it just takes......time. Be honest with him on how you're feeling.

Kimba22 posted 9/22/2013 08:48 AM

Unfortunately we are not in counseling due to financial reasons. I'm happy that I found this site from the recommendation of a guidance counselor at work!

PamJ posted 9/22/2013 08:58 AM

Kimba, 4 months is not a very long time. You go through stages as in grief, and it will fade in time IF he continues to do the hard work and what is necessary for you to heal.

My experience, unfortunately, has been that it can take as long as 18-24 months before it stops affecting you on a daily basis.

Truthfully, my trust level will never be the same as before the first betrayal, but that is part of our history now and it doesn't mean that you can't reconnect and have a great life together.

[This message edited by PamJ at 8:59 AM, September 22nd (Sunday)]