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boots5050 posted 9/22/2013 12:19 PM

Right before I left we took a vacation to California. I had already been texting this other woman. I was not man enough to tell you what was going on, disregarding everything else to talk and text with this person. Now I have take ownership of all that has happened and we will begin at the start. No more do I make excuses for my actions and betrayal, no more running.
Denial has ruled my fifty years on this earth, no more.
when we were in California we had sex with ended badly both times, my head and my heart took another direction away from you, totally void of feelings I constantly texted and talked with this woman
This is what happened during that time

Now, through therapy and self awareness I understand the damage I caused during that time. Your safety was erased in a moment, your trust vanished.
Telling you I am sorry seems so weak, trivial, but I know that is what you need from me to start to forgive
I am so sorry I took away that vacation from you, instead turning it into a horrible nightmare that has changed you forever. I am sorry I ignored you, I am sorry I was a gutless, uncaring, emotionless, cowardly,weak minded husband who thought it was ok to do something like this. These feelings must still race through your heart and your head and I will do anything and everything to help u make this fade from your head, to make you once again the compassionate, friendly, thoughtful person you were before this happened.
I dedicate myself to you, pledge to honor you, respect you. recognize you and treat you with the dignity you deserve

UnexpectedSong posted 9/22/2013 17:15 PM

These are good thoughts and words. What actions are you taking to make yourself healthier?

JKL Vikings posted 9/23/2013 10:55 AM

Hi boots
I'm glad you are owning your actions. This is one of the most important things to do. I just want to add onto something Unexpected Song said about your actions. Those actions need to be consistent over time. You didn't get to this point overnight. It's not going to get straightened out overnight, either. You said 50 years of denial. That's going to take time to unlearn.
In my opinion, the sex with the other woman ended badly because something inside you was telling you it wasn't right. I know from experience.

cantaccept posted 9/28/2013 04:32 AM

Not sure if it is ok for me to reply to this.

Just wanted to let anyone reading this to know...

Words can destroy, words can give comfort, but it's the actions that prove the words.

Words can be empty.