Friday when he picked them up he was trying to be my friend again. This time I shut him down. But those eyes. He kept looking into my eyes.
I want this limbo to go away but I do not want to be the one to make any sort of move. I still want my M. If he is so dead set on D why isn't he moving forward with anything?
Urgh. When does the desire and hope for your M go away?
I wish I had an answer myself. I was about to post about the fact that I am missing my WW today and then saw your post. I wanted to text my WW to say I missed her, but, like you, don't want to put myself out there any more than we already have.
I think Sundays are triggering me and I don't know whether it is because that is when we spent the most time together. Or whether it is because my dday was a Sunday night.
Hang in there Eye. We'll get through this.
Luckily Sunday is almost over!
Last week it took me until Monday evening to finally feel ok again.
Maybe the only time in our lives when we look forward to seeing Monday come.
Plans with friends or family who are around or do errands/shopping -keeping busy on trigger days helps. Making new memories on trigger days helps. Then, I have the memory of the present-day Sundays or trigger days to carry with me rather than the past.
This type of day is about "living in the now", as Wayne and Garth say and making new patterns or routines eventually wears on the triggers.
ETA that if it were me and X made cow eyes at me I would be very, very leery, because it could also be an act, I'm sorry to say. But if you still want your M, it seems like you're going to have to find a way to put yourself on the line-again-or determine your threshold for your deal breakers.
What I was always told was, "it's the actions". If he's just making cow eyes at you, it could be curiosity or some other thing, but please be careful of your heart.
[This message edited by Ashland13 at 5:49 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
I have also agreed to let my WW take my kids to church on my Sundays with them, because it is an important community for them. My eldest said to me last week that church is one of his two happy places. So having 2 hours taken away from my time with them on Sundays requires that I think of the rest of the day differently. But starting some regular routines may be the way to go.
For me, he is all I have ever known. We have two beautiful kids together and have had each other's backs since we were 16.
Maybe I am just scared to move on. Scared to be alone. Scared to never have the love I had with him again. Scared no one will ever love or want me.
We deserve better that's for shit sure!