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Wedding ring and anniversaries

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Labmom123 posted 9/22/2013 20:38 PM

I hate looking at my wedding ring. He gave it to me as symbol of his love and fidelity. Now I have a $4,000 symbol of his infidelity. It upset him when I took it off so I'm wearing it again but I hate it. I also didn't want to celebrate
our anniversary this year (it's been a year and a half since I found out) because I feel there's nothing to celebrate. We're trying to reconcile but I continue to feel robbed of special moments in life such as celebrating my wedding anniversary or looking at my wedding ring and knowing it symbolizes something special. I see pictures of my friends celebrating their anniversaries on Facebook and I'm so sad for me because I no longer love my husband the way I used to, the way my friends love their husbands. Will this feeling ever go away? Will I ever be one of those people who makes those disgusting posts on Facebook about how much they love their husband? Will I ever be able to celebrate a wedding anniversary again? Is it better to just start over with someone else so I get to enjoy those things again one day? I don't know what to do. I'm so lost. I'm so angry he put me in this position. I wanted to be married to one person forever. I just want to be in love like I used to be with him. I'm 37, I don't have kids, I want kids and I am scared to start over. I can hear my clock ticking and starting over at this age scares me. I hardly dated anyone before my husband and having to date again makes me so anxious. What if I never meet someone and I'm alone forever and never get to have kids? I just want to fall asleep and wake up to find out this was all just a bad dream . I want my old life back, not this soap opera/Dr. Phil episode my husband has created.

OldCow18 posted 9/22/2013 20:48 PM

I get it, totally. I don't want this either and wonder if we can EVER be anything I can be proud of.

I am on the fence about my rings. Although I took them off on d-day and replaced them with my grandmother's wedding band (to ward off questions from family and friends)...*I* didn't break my vows, and I love those rings. *HE* broke his vows and HIS RING TOUCHED that skant. That makes me sick to my stomach. If R happens I'm considering making him get a new wedding band. Idk, it's all so freaking hard.

kansas1968 posted 9/22/2013 21:41 PM

I did away with both. No longer wear my rings and it hurt him when I took them off, but it hurt me when he had a seven year affair, so tough. I will give them to one of my daughters.

I no longer acknoledge my wedding anniversary, but hope in the future to renew our vows and set tht as our new beginning and our new anniversary with a new ring. (Just a simple gold band will do.)
This is just my way of handling it but everyone has to handle it in their own way.

I would not wear the rings if they trigger you. Do not wear them just because he is upset. The fall out from infidelity is incredible and he will just have to live with that. It was his decision and all you are doing is trying not to lose your mind. Hugs in this terrible journey. K

Hope2B posted 9/23/2013 02:40 AM

I took off my wedding ring after finding out some Trickle Truths last week. I don't even know if he noticed, and is avoiding saying something for fear that I'll be a puddle of sobbing woman or rip him a new one, or if he just hasn't noticed because he is often clueless--like when the dog was on his lap and getting ready to vomit, but WH was watching that box with the moving pictures inside it!

Our 33rd wedding anniversary is in Dec. I don't plan on having it be anything other than a normal day.

I also removed all photos of *us.* Not a word said so far, so I"m not sure if he noticed. His other nickname (other than Happy Hank) is Mr. Oblivious.

I did announce to him that we're not celebrating any birthdays or anniversaries or anything--back in Feb when I thought it was just an 8 month A, I was willing to make my gift list quite long to try to balance out the universe, y'know, but after finding out it was a LTA of 7 years, cards and gifts are meaningless right now. I got cards and gift while he was seeing the skank whore.

This is too recent for me to know if this feeling will ever go away. He is trying and I can see that.

Sometimes I have to deliberately tell him my expectations and practically spell it out, like tonight: "It would be thoughtful if you asked if I needed a fork instead of just taking your dinner and sitting down, and to ask if I would like a beverage with our dinner."

I said it very calmly, & added that he probably wasn't aware of it, but being more aware and thoughtful would go a long way with showing me I'm important in his life.

I doubt I'll ever be in love with him like I used to be, but we are both in the beginnings of MC and in IC. He used to be a good person. How on earth did he wake up stupid at age 57?

Are you going to MC or IC? Have you done the 180? This kind of hurt goes deep, ((((Labmom123).

[This message edited by Hope2B at 2:41 AM, September 23rd (Monday)]

katola1 posted 9/23/2013 11:20 AM

My 20th is coming up and I just caught my wife out with her friends on a three day trip not wearing her wedding ring. She sent me a photo of them and you can see clearly on her left hand she's not wearing her rings. Makes me want to forget I've been with her all these years. We're trying to save the marriage then this happens. Nice huh?

heartache101 posted 9/23/2013 11:54 AM

Maybe just maybe she was afraid she would lose it or maybe she took it off washing her hands etc.etc. and forgot to put it on. Call her ask her now.

Look I was like that with my rings for quite a while. I loved my little set but he did ruin it. Now he has bought me a new set and we are having a vow renewal and I am quite excited about it!
Scared too. But excited.

The ring is a symbol a symbol for you. For me it symbolizes unity and strength. Oh and he already has a newer ring since his A.
He made those women a part of his life and I don't want them in MINE.. Sooo I am not going to let them take up my brain space. Nope..They weren't there the day I got married nor will they be there the day I resay our vows.

Oh and for the record I know over half of the ones I see proclaiming their love are the ones that cheated so don't read into what you don't know on the FB.
I love my spouse I love him deeply but there is that special something he killed that day and it saddens me. If I could get that back I would be sooo happy. Just don't know how to get that..

So time does heal for all those asking. It will leave a scar. But we all have scars in life.

I didn't celebrate our first anniversaries well either. Just out to eat but we did celebrate.
I hope you find your answer..

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