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storm77 posted 9/22/2013 22:13 PM

Sorry the post is so long but needed to get all of this out.Went to counselling on Saturday. Found out my husband had told our 10 year old that she might have another sibling. This would explain how angry and disrespectful she has been with me. Totally pissed off that he did not feel the need to communicate this with me. I told his sorry ass when she asked me if he had cheated on me. It felt like another lie. He said he told her because I said we needed to and now I could deal with the repercussions. Felt like he was using her to hurt me. Who is this person with the evil behaviour? It was so bad our pastor teared up and asked if we wanted to leave that issue for now or get her so we could all have a talk. I let him know I would talk to her later and let him know. When I did talk to her she got teary eyed and said well I think this OC will probably be nice and then freaking burst into tears. He is selfish prick. Right now I hate him. I really do. I also told my grandma what happened. She let me know this had happened to her and she had decided to leave my grandfather and move back to her hometown. He let her know that wherever she went he was going to because he loved her. She told me to be sure to get on with everyday life and that this process was going to take a lot of time and to call her day or night. It was a relief to have support from someone who loves me more than they love him. I know that sounds crazy but most of the people who know are his friends and while they are disappointed in him they are supporting him as any friend should. I am giving him my list of minimum things I need from him to move forward. We were also given homework and that was to tell each other why we married each other. One each day and to communicate that to one another. When I gave him mine he was like what is this. He said I was supposed to tell you. WTF...Duh...He doesn't listen worth a damn. So pissed. My first reason was because he was honest. He would tell me the truth even if it hurt my feeling...Does my butt look big in these jeans...yes, but if you don't like your butt you know how to change it. Hurt a little but I would prefer the honesty instead of walking out the house in cloths t look a hot damn mess on me. Well that has gone out the window. Later his first message to me was "Because you had a plan". What???? I had to ask for clarification. He said I had different goals and that now it seems like I don't. I am sorry...we moved to this damn city because his mom was sick and he got a job. We did not have any support and I had to figure out everything as he was 0 help. I have goals my immediate goal is my child not getting killed on the way to school and her getting a good education. BTW we live in Chicago where you have to fight for a spot in Pre-K. My eldest is shy and needed the support. My youngest is independent and could care less what we are doing. When she needs help she will ask otherwise get out of her way. I have also talked to other mothers and realized that life is a journey not a destination. I have time to do all the things I want to do and may do them better given a little time. I have goals that have nothing to do with him or our children and perhaps if he had focused on me and not this OW he would know what they were and are. All I know is he didn't mind when I put what I was doing aside to help him or move to this city. Hmmmm…….wonder if I should I let him know my number one goal is not to beat him with a baseball bat. Selfish ass!

Take2 posted 9/23/2013 08:15 AM

He married you cause you had a plan...? only now you don't... Gosh, I don't know what to say to that.

I'm so glad you have grandma!

storm77 posted 9/23/2013 23:29 PM

So far have not recieved today's nugget of wisdom and sunshine. I certainly am not asking him for it. My grandmother called to check on me again today. Nice to have support

Nature_Girl posted 9/24/2013 00:36 AM

He married you why? Because you had a plan? WTH is that? What are you supposed to do with that?

OnAnIsland posted 9/24/2013 00:46 AM

So sorry you are here. And have a husband behaving like that. They often tell you in parenting books to be careful not to undermine the praise you have given by tagging on a put down. (You had a plan and now you don't). Shame on him. And I know the school and big city struggle of Chicago. Hang in there.

Turn your focus from him. Turn it towards yourself, your children. Toward surviving each day. And then towards starting to heal when that is possible. Thinking of you. Think about your plan/s and goals. Get back on your feet from his A and then check to see if he is healthy enough and someone you want along for your life and adventures.

storm77 posted 9/24/2013 11:00 AM

Thanks on a island and Nature girl. I have been trying to focus more on me but it is difficult. I find that I am mentally not present at times and think I need to see my doctor again as I do not like feeling this way. It would just be easier for me to leave. These issues can drive people crazy and at times it feels like you are. Had a horrible night last night. I totally snapped on him and did not care who heard me or how he felt. It felt good just to get my feelings out without worrying about his. In the morning not proud of what I said or did. I probably needed to get all the anger out and not hold it all in. Sent our pastor a note briefly about my evening and he will be calling me later. Thought I was done with not eating and being sick to my stomach each day but I guess not. On the plus side my butt is smaller.

Nature_Girl posted 9/24/2013 11:15 AM

You can process your thoughts & feelings here in safety. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It is maddening to try and work on marital problems all by yourself.

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