SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Zayda1 posted 9/23/2013 05:12 AM

Received confirmation from a mutual friend that OW is separated from her BS.

It really threw me. Started shaking and had an immediate reaction. I thought I would be happy. I thought knowing karma had finally caught up with her would help. I feel horrible. I feel like I'm in a trance. All I can think about is how my WH had a hand in breaking up this family. I feel horrible that those kids are hurting because of what my husband did.

How do I get over these feelings? How do I get back to normal? I shouldn't care anymore. I pulled our kids out of the school her kids go to so I have no chance of contact with the family. Now I'm scared. Full of "what if's". What if OW's new place is close to ours. What if she or her BS want to get back at WH because he helped destroy their marriage?

Arghhh...why can't I just get over this. Why can't I reach indifference towards her and the affair in general?

[This message edited by Zayda1 at 5:15 AM, September 23rd (Monday)]

jo2love posted 9/23/2013 11:26 AM

(((Zayda)))

I can understand your reaction. Hearing the news can make all sorts of worries pop into your head and trigger you. Take deep breathes. How about talking to your H about putting an action plan together in case OW or her BS reach out to either of you. Being prepared with a plan can give you a sense of security. It will be you and your WH facing it together as partners. On the flipside, they may not reach out to either of you. OW could move away. Sending you strength.

SpiderGrl posted 9/23/2013 12:11 PM

I think I would be scared in this situation because of the fear of the unknown. But I also have a different view of the ow,in general, and it may help you to put some of your guilt to rest. Ow have no responsibility to the opposing family. In my case the ow my husband was growing so close to had no reason to watch out for my family and my children ( I do not operate this way but can process this way). It wasn't your wh place to care if he was hurting their family. It was her choice. Just as it was my wh husband's choice to risk our family for his own "gain". I have no love loss for the ow and I wouldn't spit on her if she were in flames but the happiness of my family rests on the shoulders of me and my wh. He didn't consider what he was standing to lose or break in his fog. He's come around nicely. Pity for him he has to deal with my brokenness now.

fourever posted 9/23/2013 13:53 PM

Well said Spidergrl, my sentiments exactly.
Although, a bitch slap would feel really really good!
((Zayda1)), I hope to someday hear the same news, with the knowledge now that my fwh wouldn't touch it if it was the only one left standing.
A plan that you work out with your husband will help you a lot.

SpiderGrl posted 9/23/2013 15:43 PM

Amen Four, it would feel amazing. Too bad I don't know what she looks like.