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Divorce from borderline personality disorder

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FoolontheHill posted 9/23/2013 09:32 AM

It has been suggested that my STXWW has BPD. She is now accusing me of being violent. When confronted she says she did not say I was violent just that I'm emotionally instale and she is afraid of me.

All of this is pure fabrication. She actually has hit me in the past. I am becoming afraid of her and what she might do when I file for divorce this week.

Anyone ever deal with this?


Abbondad posted 9/23/2013 09:54 AM


If you've been following my thread, I am currently going through the same ordeal. It is emotionally exhausting and indeed sometimes frightening. Protect yourself as best you can. Avoid her as much as possible so no fabricated allegations/accusations may be levelled against you. Keep a detailed journal. Stay in contact with your attorney. Prepare for ANYTHING, no matter how irrational or contrary to what she purports to desire with regard to the divorce.

BPD hate two things: being abandoned, and losing control over their partner.

In her mind, YOU have abandoned HER and she has lost control. Not to be overly dramatic, but to her, everything is your fault and you must pay.

Steel yourself.

FoolontheHill posted 9/23/2013 11:02 AM

Thanks Abbondad

What you say is exactly what is happening. It's my fault she had 2 affairs.

I leased a car for her last year because she burned her credit. Then she says she can't be connected to me so brought the car back and saddled me with a lease after she somehow bought a new car. Then she tells me she brought it back because she was afraid I'd report it stolen.

I really feel like I've fallen down a rabbit hole

Nature_Girl posted 9/23/2013 11:10 AM

You need to purchase the book "Splitting", I think it's by Bill Eddy. It's all about how to protect yourself when divorcing a BPD or NPD person.

stronger08 posted 9/23/2013 11:22 AM

Dude I was M to one myself. I was accused of everything and anything. Do yourself a big favor and try and avoid her at all costs. Any contact should be made via text or e-mail. No one on one contact either. In her warped mind she is a victim. And she will scream victim to anyone who will listen. Including the police. As ABD told you, document everything. Don't think she wont have you locked up on a false DV charge. Right now you need to have a written record of every conversation you have with her. If you must see her in person make sure an adult witness is there. And avoid all phone conversations with her as well. She will become more desperate as things progress and more unstable. You must protect yourself and your children. Anything that does not pertain to the kids and/or finances should not be discussed. Good luck and keep your eyes and ears open from here on in.

FoolontheHill posted 9/23/2013 11:27 AM

Nature girl. I'm reading splitting now

Stronger08. Fortunately we don't have kids but we do have a house. She has moved out so we have not jd direct contact for nearly a month.

She did tell me by text yesterday day that is something happens to her too many people know to look for me so she is obviously telling anyone who will listen bad stuff about me.

One foolish thing I did do was when she said that, I contacted a mutual friend and told her the story. I did not plan on that friend taking STBXWW's side but that's what happened. Lesson learned I guess.

solus sto posted 9/23/2013 15:44 PM

I haven't dealt with BPD but do have a profoundly personality disordered STBX. I got a lot of good info and guidance from; it's a site for people who love(d) people with various personality disorders.

StillLivin posted 9/23/2013 17:37 PM

My STBXH's ex wife had this.
She tried EVERYTHING. She made false accusations against him with his command (military).
When he and I got married, she wrote 5 letters accusing me of having an affair with her "husband" to all of my commanders and the installation commander.
She accused him of attempted murder, me of molesting her daughter.
I had dealt with this before from a previous relationship.
Listen to everyone. Under NO circumstances be around her or talk, text, email her without at LEAST one witness.
They are capable of absolutely anything.
If she threatens you, get a restraining order immediately. Put a tape recorder on your phone, if you absolutely have to speak to her.
Save all of her messages.
Do NOT engage with her. She will say and do things to press your buttons. This is THE hardest thing to do going through D as it is, but do NOT let her press your buttons.
When researcing, found out that statistics show a high rate of folks in prison have BPD or other PDs. They are dangerous beyond imagination.
Good luck.

FoolontheHill posted 9/23/2013 22:46 PM

Thanks everyone. As if this all is not sad enough. She cheats on me the and makes it my fault and somehow gets me to start believing it. If only i loved her more, told her she looked pretty more often etc etc this would not be happening. But en I thin a about all I did do,and what I got I return was betrayal.

[This message edited by FoolontheHill at 11:11 PM, September 23rd (Monday)]

mandan66 posted 9/23/2013 23:13 PM

Yes bro if there is one thing I learned from all this crap is that discussing things with 'mutual friends' is a big no-no. Had the cops called on me, in fact. Until you get through this, you have to be damn careful who you converse with.
Change every password on every electronic thing, every website, etc. Doesn't matter if she is out of the house for good---change it all!
Think of every worse case scenario, and act accordingly! BPD is no joke.

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